What things do you let your DC do that others don't - and where are you?

[JadziaD]

Sort of inspired by other threads on here, there's often chat about whether to allow a child to do something at a certain age. And inevitably, there's a huge range of responses. As a big believer in independence for children, even when it scares the shit out of me, I've noticed that at various times there have been things we've done earlier than other families... and in some cases we've definitely seen some judgement for it. But I also wonder if it's linked to where you live?

eg, we started letting DS walk home from school in Year 5. It's a 15 minute walk, but no major roads to cross. We would collect him from the teacher (school wouldn't let him go alone) while collecting DD then he'd head home alone. A LOT of his friends' parents were horrified.

Same DS was once allowed to stay home alone in the evening until about 10pm - in the September of year 7. I was relatively near by, had my car and was not drinking and both sets of neighbours were around should anything happen. Frankly, I found it very stressful and didn't enjoy my evening at all, but DS loved it and I think it probably was good for him, but there were a few people who clearly thought we were being irresponsible.

I let the 15 year old DD of a friend take 6 year old DD to their house - maybe 6 minutes walk away - to feed their dog and then come back. DH was actually quite annoyed about that one but I genuinely didn't have any concerns - very sensible 15 year old, very sensible 6 year old etc.

Overall, my DC are both fairly independent and competent. DD (8) recently got separated from DH in a very crowded place and managed to get herself somewhere safe and asked someone to call him (he was running around panicking, for obvious reasons!). DS is notorious for being calm under pressure and also reliable - turns up when he says he will, calls if he's late or there are issues etc. So I feel like so far it's working for us. But I also feel we live on the Surrey/London border so a) it's really quite a safe and easy place to give independence and b) that there are more families who are a bit paranoid around here?

What are your experiences like?

Discuss death and attend funerals from the start.

Decide what/when they want to learn (we largely unschool), and have a large input into their own diet (I control additives and sugar) and the shape of their day.

Whether to touch people or allow touch.

Using blades, fire etc.

We're much later than average for going places alone or being left at home alone because DD is selectively mute and freezes when she's scared, so it isn't safe. We don't allow toy weapons or play fighting at all, and so far I've managed to keep knowledge of kink away from them - which isn't easy when we have so many friends in the queer community, since furries/bdsm etc are publicly out at pride.

They're 11 and 8, for reference.

But I've always allowed running and climbing etc, as long as they think things through and don't spoil things for others.

I don't think it's unusual but my neighbor was recently horrified that I let my 5 and 6 year olds play in their bedroom by themselves.
She came over while I was cooking dinner with the radio on and was shocked that I couldn't hear what they were up to because "what if one of them gets hurt". She looked really disaproving when I said that one of the other two would come and get me, but its a bedroom its pretty safe.

@SpaceJamtart oh yes. I haven't had this in real life, but on MN I've often seen women being horrified that other women let their toddlers play in a room without them.

I considered it a WIN when my children would go to their rooms alone.

Mine walked home from school in year 4... about a mile, 2 zebra crossings.
Also made own packed lunches in year 4.
Travelled on buses, tubes and trains ( London) from year 7.
Ds went to Australia alone at 13/14 ( met at other end)

Did you get a lot of judgement or were others doing the same?

And can I ask where are you?

Also, interesting - are you Australian originally? I'm South African, so I wonder if country of origin plays a part too?

We have allowed ours to walk/cycle home alone since the age of 7 1/2, about a mile, which is very much the norm and also the expectation here in Germany. In fact, we were a bit late compared to most classmates and the teacher queried me still meeting him at the school gate age 7. I also leave him at home alone for up to an hour whilst I pick up my other child from kindergarten, which again is allowed here. Actually, the maximum time allowed is two hours at age seven. I grew up in the UK (aged 7 in the mid 80s) and think I did similar, though.

@Ididntmeantoyou I have family in Europe who had a similar experience - taken aside to suggest she stops walking the DC! Age 6 I think!

I let ds1 walk 1/4 mile (no roads) to and from school each day when he was 7.

He went on the train (two changes, 150 Miles) to visit his father every school holiday at age 12.

He travelled to Germany with a friend at age 17 to attend a conference.

Ds2 was taught how to shoot real rifles in the air cadets from age 14 and attended shooting contests.

Both ds' learned how to light and control fires from late childhood.

Never had any problems with either of them doing those things and they both have ND. I'm really proud of how they managed. Ds1 travels the world now.