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Original poster

Dd friend has tried to end her life for the 2nd time what do I do ?

25 replies

mummypig6 · 14/01/2024 15:07

My dd has been friends with this girl since she was 11 years old.

Her friend tried to kill herself at 11 years old , my daughter got a good bye message she called the brother and saved her life, she tried to hang herself, her mum found her.

Fast forward the girl no longer goes to school that’s ok ,my dd made other friends at school and is happy and still see’s the girl, she cares for her.

The girl has now done it again the last year of my dd’s school year and sent a message to my dd saying goodbye again to my daughter

My dd is in bits even though this girl blocked my dd because has new friends but she now misses her because there is a love interest with my dd.

It hurts me to see her go through this she has now blocked this girl, I feel for my dd and she said I need to walk away or I’m going to fail my exams .

She is crying still so why do I feel bad for the girl ? I love my dd she is kind and caring and she has said she is to blame .

I have said no she is not , and it’s not her fault I don’t no what to say only tell her I love her and I’m here for her x

Thank you for reading x

OP posts:
ElevenSeven · 14/01/2024 15:12

I feel for my dd and she said I need to walk away or I’m going to fail my exams .

Your DD sounds very balanced and smart and mature. This is awful, but the friend has problems your DD can’t help with; she needs professional help. She is NOT to blame.

Support your DD to get through her exams and be available if she needs you.

DewHopper · 14/01/2024 15:15

I would get your daughter to come counselling - private if you can afford to as the NHS waiting lists are insane. This will help her to unpack things a bit and understand that feeling that it is somehow her fault is understandable (and will be common in those affected by this) but much misplaced as she is not responsible for the poor girl's suicide attempts.

I hope that the girl in question is getting all of the help that she needs, what a sad story. Poor child.

She is crying still so why do I feel bad for the girl ? I don't understand this comment. Why would you not feel bad for a school aged child who has already attempted suicide twice?

GreatGateauxsby · 14/01/2024 15:19

there is a love interest with my dd

was she dating your dd??

honestly, get your DD counselling

and (unpopular opinion) get her as far away from this girl as possible.

I would be sorry for that poor girls troubles but I would not let my child be collateral damage…

ElevenSeven · 14/01/2024 15:23

and (unpopular opinion) get her as far away from this girl as possible

I agree with this

Bleepbloopbluurp · 14/01/2024 15:30

GreatGateauxsby · 14/01/2024 15:19

there is a love interest with my dd

was she dating your dd??

honestly, get your DD counselling

and (unpopular opinion) get her as far away from this girl as possible.

I would be sorry for that poor girls troubles but I would not let my child be collateral damage…

I agree with all of this.
Please reassure your DD that none of this is her fault and there is nothing she can do to help her friend (and she shouldn't even try). Her friend's parents need to make sure the friend is looked after. Your job is to protect your DD.

LakeTiticaca · 14/01/2024 15:31

Very sad that this girl has suicidal feelings but this is NOT your daughters fault and she can't help her. She needs professional help.
I also agree that blocking is the best way forward x

Mischance · 14/01/2024 15:37

there is a love interest with my dd - not wholly sure what this means - is this girl more than just a friend? Have they partnered up at some point?

A girl tried to manipulate my DD into doing things she did not wish to by threatening suicide, when they were both in their teens. I found it very hard to deal with as I found out in a roundabout way and DD would not talk about it - just sat crying. Are you sure that something like this might not be going on. Threatening suicide can be used to manipulate.

I think your DD needs some help; and I really feel for you - such a difficult situation.

Original poster
mummypig6 · 14/01/2024 15:44

To answer the questions my dd has cared about the girl nothing happened they were friends .

My Dd has now got a boyfriend.

Dew hopper I feel bad for the girl and sad because I have tried to help the girl , but my dd comes first now .

OP posts:
MillicentRogers · 14/01/2024 16:02

Get this histrionic girl out of your daughters life as best you can.

Original poster
mummypig6 · 14/01/2024 16:04

Thank you everyone x

OP posts:
MonsterChopz · 14/01/2024 16:14

I would absolutely agree about trying to remove this child from your daughter's life. I had an acquaintance who for months spoke to me about taking her own life. It was completely draining and the worry I felt every day, not knowing whether she would be alive or not, really took its toll in my mental health. I felt responsible for her safety. I now realise that I am not responsible and that there wasn't anything I could really do. I signposted mental health services etc but she wasn't willing or able to access them.

Original poster
mummypig6 · 14/01/2024 16:30

I meant my daughter is crying because she feels bad for this girl x

OP posts:
Original poster
mummypig6 · 14/01/2024 16:33

Monsterchopz you are good person thank
you , there is only so much you can do my dd has tried so much but now she can’t do it anymore x

OP posts:
Bleepbloopbluurp · 14/01/2024 16:36

You might encourage your DD to see the manipulation here. I'm not saying the "friend" doesn't need help (she absolutely does, from appropriately qualified adults) but the reason she reaches out to say "goodbye" to your DD is to manipulate her into feeling bad and coming running. It may well be because your DD now has a boyfriend.

Original poster
mummypig6 · 14/01/2024 16:40

Bleepbloop I thought this too thank you x

OP posts:
TeaGinandFags · 14/01/2024 17:16

Perhaps you can sit your DD down and ask her why she feels responsible and what it is she thinks she could have done. Her reply should indicate if your DD is being manipulated or not.

People who are serious about suicide cannot be stopped. They need professional support in the same eay someone suffering from a serious illness needs professional help. Your DD is not a doctor and her friend's fate is not her responsibility.

While it's great that DD is a caring girl, she needs to learn to step back and recognise when she's out of her depth and ask for help for herself.

MariaVT65 · 14/01/2024 17:19

Get this other girl out of your daughter’s life. You can only give suicidal people so much help (i’ve been there and it was draining and useless).

Instead, plan lots of things with your daughter to keep her mind off it, ensure this girl is blocked on all platforms and also arrange a bit of counselling if she is up for it.

BMW6 · 14/01/2024 17:19

Bleepbloopbluurp · 14/01/2024 16:36

You might encourage your DD to see the manipulation here. I'm not saying the "friend" doesn't need help (she absolutely does, from appropriately qualified adults) but the reason she reaches out to say "goodbye" to your DD is to manipulate her into feeling bad and coming running. It may well be because your DD now has a boyfriend.

I thought this too. The ex friend is trying emotional blackmail.

Has your DD reported the threat of suicide to the Police?

If not yet then I'd do so for your DD and reassure her that WHATEVER happens its really not her fault.

GreatGateauxsby · 14/01/2024 17:37

Bleepbloopbluurp · 14/01/2024 16:36

You might encourage your DD to see the manipulation here. I'm not saying the "friend" doesn't need help (she absolutely does, from appropriately qualified adults) but the reason she reaches out to say "goodbye" to your DD is to manipulate her into feeling bad and coming running. It may well be because your DD now has a boyfriend.

I agree with this and you should explicitly explain this to your DD.

go through all social media etc and remove her and tighten your DDs settings - get her anew number if needed but create space.

separately, i would be looking to give her distractions and keep her busy (in a good way)
sounds like the friend isn’t keen on DD’s boyfriend.
id probably do something like book a fun day out for your DD and the boyfriend (a theme park, bubble world, balloon world whatever…) and give her £50-60 for a dinner for the 2 of them somewhere as a “just because” treat.

id also be actively finding and creating opportunities for her to connect with other friends either at your house or elsewhere

iffyi · 14/01/2024 17:38

MillicentRogers · 14/01/2024 16:02

Get this histrionic girl out of your daughters life as best you can.

I don’t think this is fair- the poor girl has attempted suicide twice over the past 5 years, she needs help NOT to be called dramatic. if the attempts were daily/weekly i might think differently but since they’re so far apart it does unfortunately suggest long-standing depression, not histrionics. she needs sympathy and bullying, bless her, not attacking. not to mention that histrionic is an incredibly misogynistic and demeaning term- absolutely not acceptable to be using towards virtually any woman, let alone an obviously troubled 16yo girl!

MillicentRogers · 14/01/2024 18:12

mummypig6 · 14/01/2024 16:30

I meant my daughter is crying because she feels bad for this girl x

And that's what the other girl wants. Not content with her own life she is a manipulator and emotional vampire and she will suck the life out of your daughter.

Those that want to die, kill themselves. This girl is enjoying it all play out with her friends as pawns that she moved around a board at her whim.

This girl wants attention and drama and may well have terrible suffering but it is wrong of her to inflict pain on others and draw them
in to the drama.

Your daughter has to realise that she's being played for a sucker. The sooner she wishes up and cuts ties with the girl, the better.

MillicentRogers · 14/01/2024 18:12

Wises up ^

Original poster
mummypig6 · 14/01/2024 18:39

My dd has cut ties now she can’t deal with it anymore and is crying from guilt her words

I said this not on you and as your Mum you have to think about your own mental health.

Sometimes you just have to walk away this is not your guilt to bear sad I know .xx

OP posts:
BMW6 · 14/01/2024 19:15

Your poor DD. Could you get her some counselling to help her understand none of this is any fault of hers, even if the girl succeeded?

I've experienced a loved ones suicide as an adult and it scarred me terribly. I can't imagine how painful it must be for your dd at such a young age.

Would she ring Samaritans?

Einevinefine · 14/01/2024 19:31

@MillicentRogers

Your comment: Those that want to die, kill themselves. This girl is enjoying it all play out with her friends as pawns that she moved around a board at her whim.

Not true.

Also imo completely lacking in compassion and empathy as regards what this young girl is likely going through.

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