Has anyone else had a massive argument today that just came out of nowhere?

[Bippertyboppertyboob]

Today started quite peacefully. The sun pop it's head out for a bit, my dh and ds (15) went to the footy, and I was at home pottering about with dd, while listening to R4....all good. They came home, I'd made lunch, still fine. Started talking about the football which swung round to ds and his knee pain. He wasn't playing for his team today, and had been wanting to sit out of PE recently because he'd convinced dh and I that he was really worried about an ACL issue. For context he'd mentioned it on and off this last few weeks and he always mentioned ACL. He studies pe for one of his GCSEs so knows a little bit about sports injuries etc. and was concerned about it going 'ping' and ruining pretty much his last year at school and everything that goes with that. Fine. I've booked him an appointment with a good sports physio - £65 which tbh we could do without, but we want to settle his mind and get him back to what he loves doing best and we didnt want to send him back into the arena for something to go wrong. Anyway, while we were chatting, I explained to dh that I'd googled ACL issues and that I wasn't sure that that was the issues as the associated symptoms always mentioned a 'popping sound and sensation' which ds had never mentioned. DS piped up with " I've never said ACL mum, i said MCL, there's all sorts of ligaments around there which can do the same damage ", I was taken a-back because he'd always been insistent that this was the issue, dh had also heard him say ACL. I'm not quite sure how it escalated but I just saw red and immediately went on the attack. I just couldn't believe that he was saying that I'd misheard him and he'd never ever said that. I called him a blatant liar, I went on to say he was manipulative and gaslighting me....it got worse....and I'm not proud.....I called him a sociopath!! He has form for being selfish and twisting situations for his benefit- dh had already thought that he wasn't keen on playing today's team because none of the lads were match fit due to cancelled training sessions (weather related) over the last few weeks, or not being able to play in his favourite position. Still no excuse for me as a mother to use this terminology against him. I've never unleashed a tirade like this on him before. He doesn't want to speak to me and has disappeared into his room. I am bereft. I have apologised to him for my behaviour without excuse. I went back in a second time sobbing and hugged him because it felt as though my heart would break out of my chest, he said nothing and just went rigid. Yes I know I sound pathetic, but I just want it to be right again...Can i say in my defence your honours, that i am very definitely in the throws of perimenopause and feel like I'm losing my mind anyway ...How's your day..😭😭😭😭

I've read it a couple of times and can't understand why it matters whether he said ACL or MCL? I absolutely can't understand why it would make him a gaslighter or sociopath, or why you saw red at something which sounds so innocuous. I think for a 15 year old, that must have been pretty upsetting - I would be upset as an adult to get a tirade like that - and it might take him some time to get over it. You want to feel better, but don't try to force him. And I guess if you're feeling like you're losing your mind and getting inexplicable rage then would seeing a doctor help? From what's written, I feel very sorry for him.

Have you properly apologised? Your behaviour was terrible and it’s fair for him to not want to hug you or speak to you right now. Give him a bit of time and make sure you accept your role in this and give him a genuine heartfelt apology.

@BlueDressOnABoat I absolutely see your point and thank you for your reply. I can assure you that I have never done this before which is probably why it seems so brutal to him and I completely understand his stance.

I told my dh to fuck off earlier as we were discussing how hard dd’s sleep is getting and the repeated illnesses she’s picking up. I can’t even remember if he said anything to make me feel so angry, it just came over me. I definitely need to apologise. In my defence I am pregnant, hormonal and completely sleep deprived as dd only accepts me at night. I am wondering if I actually have antenatal depression as I feel awful most days, despite having so much to be thankful for. I’ll join you in the guilty mum club today op. We’re only human!

@DoThePropeller Yes, I properly apologised. I told him how very sorry I was that I used those words and that inexcusable. I was trying my best to hold it together at the time because I was on the verge of tears.

Definitely hormonal - are you on HRT?

@Dryshampoofordays I think you can forgive yourself for that, one and he will (grudgingly) understand. Please speak to someone, even if its just a little inkling that you might have PND. I can totally understand the hormonal imbalance. I'm at the other end of it however! Ds is only 15 though, and should never hear those words from his own mum. Best of luck with your lo.

@FusionChefGeoff Not yet. It's complicated. I'm still on the combined pill to treat endometriosis symptoms at the moment. I'm 48, so I imagine it won't be long before I switch.

All the stuff about your breaking heart and your tears and your desperate effort to hold yourself together sounds like you are making this all about yourself.

Showing him how distraught you are is just making him feel responsible for your emotions.

'I am bereft' -- I mean, come on. Be the adult. Your role as a parent is to model stability.

@CavalierApproach That's the awful thing cavalier, I always have modelled stability, which is why today has been a shock. Today I broke and allowed my emotions to reach the surface. I have no intention of emotionally blackmailing ds, but I absolutely do want him to know how sorry I am.