What is the name for a ‘friend’ like this?

[KarenNotAKaren]

We know what a Wendy is but what is the name for a friend who basically out of absolutely nowhere makes dickish and critical comments?

I messaged a friend this morning, who I’ve known since age 11, we were very close as teenagers. I said I was chatting to someone we both knew at the pub last night and this person reminded me about the time we all went to a Boyzone concert and made signs to take in the hope the band would see them but actually they we’re written in biro on A4 paper 😂 .

So I mentioned to my friend that we were reminiscing over our crappy signs and she said “oh yes I remember. Remember how much you used to fancy Mikey from Boyzone it was sooooo embarrassing”.

Now this is a massive first world problem but she does it all the time. We will just be having a normal conversation and she will make a shitty remark, 90% of the time it will be referring to me when I was a child/teenager. For example we were once messaging about our going out clothes and I sent her a picture of my new boots. She said “Nice! Better than those awful spice girl platforms you used to wear haha”.

Is there a name for someone like this? I’m thinking she hated me or something when we were kids. I’m differing between saying something and just cutting her off.

Do you ever respond with "Hey, better than that awful green top you used to wear all the time!"?

EmmaGrundyForPM · Today 13:43

Whats a Wendy?

Well, we have an answer now. I couldn't square it with "Nancy," or "Gloria," which were derogatory names for lads who couldn't kick a ball very well....

As a couple of other posters have said her comments are a Jellyfish slap as coined by Bridget Jones.

You could just say "That was years ago when we were all kids. Live in the present for a change"

About the same as you using a name to insult another woman.

I really wish people would stop using names as insults. Must be horrendous for anyone whose name actually is Karen, Wendy etc.

Thank you

A former friend, if you have self respect.

Didn’t Bridget Jones have a word for people that get in subtle digs so that you don’t realise you’ve been hit until later - a jellyfish.

Yours isn’t even that subtle. I fear a bitch is the only correct description. Bin her off just because youve known someone for eons doesn’t mean you are obliged to keep them in your life!

"someone you need to move on from"

That's what I'd call her. This "friendship" ran it's course, you deserve much better. She's stuck in the past. Move on. Her loss.

I had one until about a month ago. Knew her for years and it was her inability to be caring about my life (while expecting everything from me) which did it, but if I’m honest for years she would make snide comments about me. Numerous times she’d ask me if I’d thought about plastic surgery as my eyelids were droopy or had I had a mini stroke? Wtaf.

Horrible woman. But I loved her. These friendships are so toxic.

my name IS Karen - and yes it’s awful but Wendy is MN only thing based on a poster who dealt with a woman actually called Wendy who infiltrated her friend group and turned them all against her. It’s a shorthand MN name for women to make them understand the kind of person they’re dealing with.

Karen is a worldwide derogatory term used to silence women. It’s not the same

@KarenNotAKaren so your name is Karen and thus you already know how grim it is to have your lovely name tarnished in this way.
But the Wendy situation isnt the same so that makes it alright?
Even though until you posted this thread I personally had never encountered the idea of the name Wendy being used in a negative manner. Now thanks to your thread I have........
Little things gain traction, pick up speed etc.
Yes, sadly Karen is used worldwide as a derrogatory term but even if Wendy is "only" used in a negative way on MN, does that make it ok? I think not.

Wendy and ‘Wendying’ is a reference from the Judy Blume book Blubber in which the character Wendy ousts the protagonist from her friendship group. This was brought up in a previous thread when the OP was experiencing the same situation and the reference seemed to stick as an MN thing.

Oh good Lord, get a grip.

I have a friend like this. We too were very close as teens and remained so in our 20s and early 30s. At some point - I think after uni - she changed. I find when we hang out you well have the loveliest time and then suddenly out of nowhere she will just say something catty or cruel. It's gotten worse as we've gotten older.

Frenemy?

@StockpotSoup Fair enough, you think Im being OTT and ridiculous. Fair enough. I disagree
Why cant people have a discussion about an issue without resorting to being unkind and labelling someone with a name. There is no need at all. Im just glad my name is never one people will pick on to choose as an insult.
Perhaps we should return to the days of calling people C###ky, N####r and S#####c too. Might as well.

@TidySummer exactly - Frenemy........ does the job perfectly!

She sounds like she's making jokes about the past to connect, not put you down - she probably expects you to say "I still stand by the fact that Mikey was cuter than Brian, who you fancied!" or something, so you're laughing together.

Imagine she was upset at the suggestion that Boyzone couldn't read the signs you took? That's the level of sensitive you're being.

Oh OP I used to work with someone who did this. I think I’ve posted about her before. She would always say things like this - but only in front of other people. She got her jollies by making me look foolish. I think gen z call them a ‘pick me’ girls/women? Might be wrong on that definition!

We’d be in a group of people and she would say things like ‘oh candlewick remember when you tripped over’ or ‘oh yeh remember when you did - insert vaguely mildly embarrassing non event here - hahahaha!’.
Infuriating! I don’t see her anymore. Eventually it starts to chip away at your confidence. It’s bullying and I would step away from the friendship.

I have a family member who does that. One time she did it at a dinner party and I said very calmly; 'Is there a reason you are trying to embarrass me?'. She went bright red and never did it again. To me at least.

Also my best friend said when she met DH for the first time. She laughed and said in front of him ; 'remember how in love you were with Harry [first boyfriend] and thought he was the one? I guess you think that about [DH's name] now!'.

The issue THERE was that she was in an awful unhappy marriage and was engaging in behaviour which wasn't helping the situation at all. She was deeply miserable and was lashing out at my happiness. It was very much a one-off and I cut her slack because I knew what was happening in her life. If it had happened again, however, I'd probably have rethought the friendship entirely. All of that is a long winded way of agreeing with pps who say that this behaviour often stems from being deeply unhappy in their lives and trying to make themselves look or feel better.

She may just have a strange sense of humour and enjoy reminiscing or she could be a jealous bitch who wishes to keep you in your place.

If the former and you both enjoy the joke fine but if the latter I think it might be time to move on if you feel she is overstepping the mark and her comments feel like put downs.

Try saying in return "and do you remember how you used to smell so horrible and none of us ever knew why?"

Cut her off but wait till the next time she pulls that shit and say “seems you didn’t like me much back then and I’ve just realised I don’t like you much now, so off you pop”