Feel so alone..How do you cope when life gets tough?

[ThemysteriousH]

I feel silly even doing this post but I really don’t have many people in my life, a handful of friends, and I don’t want to keep being negative with them.

My health is never great but I can live with it. Had a surgery date booked for 7/1/24 moved to 25/1/24 to have a parathyroid tumour removed. Been looking forward to it as I’ve pinned my symptoms on that & hoping I’d feel better afterwards.

Friday I get a phone call that they are putting it on hold as I’m not surgically fit due to my blood results etc, they’ve spotted major abnormalities and talking about bone marrow biopsies etc. My bloods are normally abnormal but these are a lot more so & ones that are ok have suddenly changed.
I worked in a lab before my current nhs job which has made me even more scared. I’m finding out the beginning of this week when the surgeon can fit me in for an emergency appt, been told it’ll be this week.

I can’t get it out of my head & keep crying. I know things can be so much worse and feel guilty having these emotions when I know people have it bad.

I just feel scared. I’ve just turned 32, have 2 DS (one with ALN) and want to better for them. I’m a lone parent. I know I’ll never be fully healthy but that’s our normal. But I want to improve from how I am currently. I have severe bone pain & fatigue, bone pain new, fatigue so much worse that it normally is.
I even reached out to my mum, we don’t really have a relationship, but I don’t know where to turn.

If you’ve got this far you deserve a medal, it’s me rambling on just wanting to get it off my chest at this point, and what better way then to strangers?!

Pic attached of what mum says. New week tomorrow and I’ll snap out of my pity party!

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Different life circumstances for me but I feel the same. I’ve recently reached out to friends and told them what’s been going on with me but nobody really cares or checks in. I don’t actually want/ need any support from them - but it does make you realise how alone you truly are. I’m not sure if it’s because everyone is so busy trying to keep their own heads above water they don’t have capacity for others? But I feel friends are just good company, not to rely on sadly.

i think that’s a really supportive message from your mum

and she’s right - you need to stop crying etc in front of your children. Take them out if you can… even if just to a cafe for a hot choc

@Give0fecks bless you I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time, it feels so lonely.

@spearthatbroc I don’t cry in front of DC, that message was 10pm, they were at a friends (which she was aware of), but yes I can see it was nice, I probably didn’t think so in that moment

I'm sorry you are going through this. I too have different circumstances but feel very alone and don't have anyone to turn to when I am dealing with tough things.

If you want to talk things through you could ring the Samaritans. They can't offer advice but are there to listen. I have found writing things down in a journal has helped me and writing myself a plan to get through the week etc.

I hope things work out for you

why then was she referring to you crying in front of your children? presumably it’s an ongoing thing.

Did you take her advice? what’s your plan for today with the children?

re the bloods…. are you very overweight?

@januarybiscuits thats a good idea writing things down! I hope things improve for you too :)

@spearthatbroc I’m not sure about the crying comment - it’s rare I do as my anti-depressants numb me normally . We’ve painted pebbles this morning aka made mess, it’s DS1 birthday Tues so tidying house and making birthday plans for then & a film afternoon. I batch cook for the week ahead too and write a plan.

Yes I’m overweight. I have weekly bloods but never had a downward trend with wbc, they are normally elevated. My inflammation markers are good too, calcium had a high jump and wbc a jump down. Just desperate for the surgery I guess so I’m gutted it’s being put on hold. Hopefully we can make a plan now this week :)

@spearthatbroc lost 9kg since Dec (not that I’m complaining!)
I wish I didn’t have the phone call Friday to then stew it over the weekend for Monday, but I can’t change it, I’ll get more answers so I need to be patient. I hate myself feeling like this really.

I can understand why you're frightened and upset. Especially receiving news like that on a Friday.

feel guilty having these emotions when I know people have it bad.

Please don't do that to yourself. It's not a competition - and taken to its extreme the idea that you can only feel sad/scared/etc if there is nobody else on the planet in a worse position, would mean that only one person out of the billions of us alive would be allowed to be sad/scared at a time.

That's not how real life works. Many people suffer different things in different ways at the same time and all of their emotions are valid. You wouldn't feel guilty for feeling happy because other people have "better" reasons for being happy, would you?

Until you can get more answers, distraction is a good strategy. That and being kind to yourself - if you beat yourself up for how you feel it will actually make you feel worse. (Beating yourself up has the same effect on your nervous system as someone else beating you up - so don't do it!)

Sorry you're going through this it's awful waiting and very hard not to panic. There's is nothing that you can do right now though and your mum is right that distraction is thee best strategy ( I really do know how hard that is though). Try and do something nice and remember that panicking won't change anything. I hope you can put it to one side for now. Fingers and toes crossed that you have some better news soon.

you have weekly bloods?

how has the rest of the day gone?

Hi OP

Just wanted to also offer some sympathy - I had a similar situation last year ( emergency hospital with severe blood loss, suspect tests and then in the end two major surgeries). I’m also a single parent with 2 DC, one ND and it has really affected me just how alone I felt and realised I was! It’s a really horrible feeling and actually just really practically difficult as well. I also usually soldier on and try to see the best but it’s hard and horrible when something is happening to your health and you don’t have anyone for whom you are number one priority.

I hope everything turns out ok with the bloods and you get the operation you need ( and you get some help after - that’s how I ended up with the second op as didn’t rest enough!)

@equinoxprocess thats such a good way at looking at things, thank you so much for that :)

@chipshopElvis the day has gone quite quick and got an essay to be getting on with tonight when the boy’s are in bed to keep me busy!

@spearthatbroc I do, not necessarily the same ones, mainly crp and fbc due to other issues. Recently cortisol, genetic, all sorts. Different specialities seem to want different ones and I’m under different teams so always seem to have an appointment. At least 1 a week.

Rest of the day has gone lovely, stew in the slow cooker, sonic the hedgehog been on the tv.

@Reepycheepy so sorry to hear you also went through a difficult time. It does feel incredibly lonely doesn’t it? How is your health now?
That’s what I’m hoping, that they do this operation and then deal with whatever afterwards so at least one thing is sorted.
That’a what I’m going to ask for. I’ve sorted childcare which is a pain so I want it to happen, I’m hoping it sorts something in my body.

Sorry you feel this way. I know what you mean about friends backing away, they have their own issues.

You have mumsnet to ask about health, start a thread about symptoms and bloods etc All the best x

I'm so sorry to hear about how you're feeling right now. Different circumstances for me but I noticed how little support I received from some people when I lost our baby....people I'd supported for years. It really is eye-opening, isn't it? And quite sad in a way. I'm lucky I have a best friend although she's in oz and has two kids and works as a surgeon, i also find some just dont care tbh.

I wish I could say something to support, please know you're not alone with lack of support from so called friends xxx

@coldcallerbaiter yes that’s how I feel, I don’t want friendships one sided with all my negativity so try not to show it. I’m known for my bad luck and I want to change that.
That’s a good idea, I feel a bit of a hypochondriac sometimes so that prevents me doing so for some reason.

@Westsussex I’m so sorry you had to go through that and didn’t have your friends support, that really sucks :( you have helped just by replying!
I get what you mean by distance, different circumstances but I was an army wife a long time ago and met wonderful people everywhere, but it’s not the same sending a message on social media.