Need to let it out

[Mamabird2022]

This is gonna be a long post but I just need to let it out somewhere before I go crazy.
yesterday I had my ex partner arrested.
I feel so guilty alongside a mix of emotions and I’m not sure how to process everything.
we have one child together under 2. Things have been rocky between us and we separated last year. He can be very verbally abusive but never physically. I always say it’s like Jekyll and Hyde. When he is lovely he is so nice and can’t do enough but when he isn’t he is awful. Name calling swearing saying anything to hurt me. Since we have been separated we managed to both get on the same page for our child and our relationship was good. We were both talking like friends we had worked out a set schedule for him to see our child. Fast forward to yesterday. He hadn’t had enough sleep and our child woke him up by crying. There was an argument and he grabbed me quite hard by the arm and clenched his fist. I phoned the police and he was arrested. Now the police have said I will have social services coming out and that’s just adding to the stress I already feel. I spent literally all last night tossing and turning and being sick and now reality has sunk in I don’t know what to do next.
please be gentle as I’m feeling quite vulnerable rn

Social services visiting is normal, they are just checking that you and your child are safe.

If he’s an ex why was he sleeping at yours? Social services need to make sure he’s actually an ex and you have put boundaries in place to keep your child safe. How will you manage contact safely (if at all)?

@Wolfiefan i said he could stay here for the night as he had missed the bus as he was helping me settle our child to bed. I wasn’t feeling great so I went to bed at half 8 and instead of going to bed at a reasonable time he decided to stay up u til 3am gaming knowing our child wakes at 5. He started the argument because our child was crying and it woke him (I live in a flat) and he was shouting about how he had hardly had any sleep and she woke him up

He needs to not be in your house. Safe contact in a neutral space. He isn’t your partner. He doesn’t help you put the kids to bed in your house. He needs to have moved out and taken all his stuff once and for all. Time to set clear boundaries.

Don’t be worried about social services, you’ve done everything right. Just explain you won’t be letting him stay over again and seek their advice on how to handle contact for your DS going forward.

This one is simple

You did the right thing

Naturally you feel sick and upset you have just been abused verbally and physically (just because he didn't punch doesn't mean the arm grab isn't abuse) and then feel guilty because your putting his needs first because that's what happens when you have been in an abusive relationship

Hopefully he has learnt his lesson

Social services will just do their checks and help you with a plan around contact going forward

You are in the right. He is in the wrong

I'm sorry this has happened. Best thing to do now is focus on yourself and your child