Friend treats me like a child

[Andherewegoagain24]

I'm a few years younger than a friend but we're both over 40. I'm getting more and more frustrated that she seems to treat me like a child.
Some examples are:

Infantalising my name e.g. if I was called Emma she calls me Emmy.

She tells me she's proud of me for random things e.g. going out for lunch with a group of friends (not exactly something that takes effort).

Catatrophophising things e.g. if I say work is a bit rubbish this week.

It's getting pretty frustrating. I'm a capable woman and not a child. She suffers from anxiety so I can't even bring it up to her as she would get anxious and over analyse it all. How do I get it to stop without kick starting an anxiety downward spiral in her?

Just stop seeing her?

You have other friends. This person doesn’t seem compatible or companionable - so why bother? It isn’t compulsory for you to continue associating with her.

I dropped someone like this, it was too ingrained in our dynamic for it to change. In her case, whenever I told her I was going to do something/ had done something, no matter how simple or difficult, she would say, 'I can't imagine you doing that...'. Draining and belittling.

So you might say "I went out for lunch today" and she'd reply "I'm proud of you"?
Have you ever just said "why?"

That's a very weird thing to say to someone who doesn't find going for lunch difficult (I mean, if you'd recently had severe agoraphobia it would make more sense but I'm assuming nothing like that applies).

Back-handed compliments and slyly (she thinks!) putting you down.

I would stop spending time with her.

Argh yes. I've had friends like this. I mostly think it's poor communication skills but honestly - life is too short. I'd distance yourself.

Just remembered one of my more dysfunctional friends saying she saw herself as a mentor to me.

I imagine this possibly soon-to-be-ex-friend spends her entire life on the Internet and is speaking fluent Snowflake …

Alternatively, maybe she’s talks to her children like that and forgets to code switch?

But it’s probably what she hears in therapy sessions - and she hasn’t grasped that it’s not appropriate elsewhere.

Oh I thought you meant she always has snacks for you and if you yell at her that you’re cold/tired/hungry she regards it as her own personal failing and sorts it out for you. That would be ok, but your thing sounds rubbish.

You could reflect it back at her ‘I’m so proud of you’ ‘oh you! You’re turning into such softy lately’

Yes have you asked why she is 'proud' of you going out for lunch?

Seems an odd thing to say.

This time I did just say there was nothing to be proud of and she answered that I hadn't been to meet those friends for quite a while. Still find it strange to be proud of a friend for that reason. I could understand it is I'd won an award for something.