When to have kids?

[Maybe2]

Wasn’t sure where to put this post! I’m 27 & single. I have my own home & earn £40k a year.

There is a large age difference between my mum and I. She turned 60 when I was a teen and we were never close - there was lots of friction and I remember thinking as a child, I didn’t want to be a lot older than my kids as I was worried about being just like my mum. She just didn’t want children to be children if that makes sense, was very irritable, controlling etc prioritised her own life

I guess I’m now thinking about when I might have kids and worried about having that large age gap myself which I never wanted. I have never felt broody before - my career was just naturally more of a priority for me after university, especially with the pandemic interrupting normal life in the midst. And maybe I just wanted to be “completely ready” to have kids before having them…

Even if I met someone now, unless we tried to conceive asap, I’d be in my 30s at least before children which makes me feel a bit down. Just wondering if you had any thoughts/advice/am I being silly etc

Your mum was like that because of her personality, not her age. You'll either be a good mum or you won't, age doesn't really factor into it.

Nailed it!

OP, parent/child relationships can be complicated for many reasons but numbers are very rarely why.

My mum was 20 when she had me and there was a lot of friction between us when I was growing up. Age doesn't matter. Do you want children?

You’re attributing your Mum’s parenting to her age.

I originally wanted DC in my late 20s but that didn’t work out relationship wise. Was early 30s and has been good.

Wouldn’t seek to ttc alone at age 27 and in your work and financial circumstances. Would continue to prioritise work, and also dating.

Yes, not an age thing, as PPs have said. In fact, I think I'd have been more stressed the younger I was. Now we are more financially secure (no mortgage) and we've done all the things we wanted when 'free' in our 20s. So I'm possibly more relaxed than I would have been doing it earlier (I'm 33 with a 2 year old).

in your work and financial circumstances

what do you mean by this? Ie is there something wrong?

Also I wouldn’t ttc alone, ideally I’d meet someone soon and have a relationship as normal. The natural progression from dating to having kids would take years, so I’m realising that realistically I’d be in my 30s when I have children. Glad to know I might be building things in my head re age difference

I think for me, the earlier I have kids the nicer but I would not go to the extent of ttc alone. Maybe I need some time away from work to focus on meeting people

I just meant that ttc alone is financially costly, as is having a DC. do-able on £40k year (if you manage to retain your earnings as a single parent) but hard.

if for example you were an heir to a fortune with a hefty trust fund and didn’t have to do paid work you’d have more/financially easier options 😆

If you’re working long hours and have little time and energy for other stuff, that’s indeed a factor that will make it harder for you to do what you’d like beyond work (have a long relationship and DC)