Shirley Valentine moment

[ShirleyValentine1989]

Just watching Shirley Valentine (yet again, I bloody love that film!)
At the end her hubby says "I didn't recognise you" and she replies "I used to be the wife, the mother, now I'm Shirley Valentine again"
It just made me cry, for so many years I've been the wife (now ex as divorced) and the mother.
Now I'm just about post menopausal, the kids are late teens and living thier best lives and I don't know who I am anymore....
I want to be "Shirley Valentine" again but I've no idea where she's gone...

I was thinking of changing my name back to my maiden name, so I was saying it out loud, but it sounds wrong. My married name sounds right, and I’m so sad about that. I want to be who I was, when I was young and carefree. But you can’t go back.

I wouldn't want to go back to being 25 and clubbing every weekend, it's hard to explain but I want to live again rather than just exist.
I look back at who I was and feel like that woman died and I miss her!

@ShirleyValentine1989

You can find her again - I did!

I met someone, moved 200 miles, and we are living our lives to the full, went dancing last night (only local pub but wonderful atmosphere) honestly you need the confidence to believe in you.

In the summer I'm getting married, 5 years ago I was just out of a marriage that had been failing for years but I put up with it because I was scared.

I think I should organise a weekend down here for all the would be Shirley Valentine's on here that want to just be themselves, it's such a great place to be yourself

I feel this at the moment

Sounds great where are you

What would you like to do? How do you want to spend your time?

I live in the south coast and am part of a mad group of mainly muddle aged women who go sea swimming. There's also a paddle boarding group I sometimes join and I'm waiting for the outdoor yoga to start again.

What makes you think, yep I want to get out and do that??

*middle aged 😂😂

I like "muddle-aged", sums me up.

@ShirleyValentine1989 , this is your second spring, lovely. What a fantastic time to be alive. You have wonderful memories of being a mum and all the family life things that go with it. As you are now in this next stage, YOU actually choose how this next part plays out! How fabulous is that? You are no longer tied to school pick up times, school holidays & after school clubs, you're not having to consider the needs of the (ex) hubby and the family. This is now your time to dance to your own tune.

Consider:

*sit down with a notebook and write down all the things that you enjoy, from small to big (a coffee in a cafe, people watching to planning your summer holiday)
*write a list of things that you would like to do, but perhaps haven't been able to, due to family reasons or not feeling up to the challenge (again, go small to big)

• from the list above, work out if you can/want to do them on your own, or with other people & then if some require company, work out who you want to go with (friends, family or strangers!). It could be you want to go on holiday abroad to a certain place, but don't feel comfortable going alone. There are several FB pages that are for either "solo travellers" or for women at a similar stage, and they are agreeing on a destination & date and they are joining forces & going together. That particular FB site is called Thrive - Women Living Our Best Lives. They also arrange local meet ups for coffee or for walking etc. *Postcards from Midlife is another good FB page/group where people share positive experiences or ask for advice re the struggles they are going through (quite often family related). *Are you happy & settled in your job? Do you still need to work like you currently do? Hours, location etc type of work? *This is a great time to do a "life audit." Sit & really consider what you want from life, what things/people do you want to keep close to you? What (maybe who) do you want to let go of? *Are there any unmet needs? Things you've longed to do but never been able to? Can you consider any of these now? *Are there any health & fitness goals that would set you up well if you started working on them now? (Strength based to maintain balance & muscle mass).

You are in the perfect situation to make this next stage amazing.