So I have never been the best at socialising, I am kind of a loner, introverted, I can be shy and socially awkward at times although in other ways I am quite confident. I am usually fine with people I know well and see often so when I was at university or when I worked in the same place for a longish time and people get to know me and and get me I suppose then there have even been times when I was quite popular (even if they think I'd odd, I've been well liked) but often in situations now where I see people, even family I don't see often I can struggle. I just cringe at myself and my attempts to chat and in the end I give up because I'm so crap at it.
I'm not great at small talk and I can be awkward, I don't drink (never have) and these days I work alone for myself so I'm not in the habit of seeing and chatting to people regularly. I also feel now that when I do see people I can be more aware of people who are selfish or superior or people who are deliberately try to get one over on or belittle others and I just have no bandwidth for it. Even with some old friends I give them the benefit of the doubt but I'm aware that they only get in touch when they need me for something and otherwise ignore me and my attempts to stay in touch, and I get it, life is busy and sometimes that's just how it goes, I'm not cutting anyone off!
I do have a lovely husband and some great family and my oldest closest friend is just amazing I love her so much but she lives quite far away although we both make the effort to see each other every month and I cherish our time together.
I don't know is it just me? I'm not really lonely or desperate for new friends although I am aware I can be quite isolated at times. I enjoy my own company but I get frustrated at how awkward I can be and I am probably not going to be making any new friends with how I am and working alone.