Inspired by another thread. Not ATAAT.

[BirthdayRainbow]

I have a box of stuff that is extremely personal to me and I had instructed my h to get rid should I die first. I don't want to dispose of them yet though. Unfortunately I am now divorcing him so have no one to ask. If I leave a note for my DC saying please burn, don't read and then they chose to read the diaries, papers, etc, though highly unlikely, how do I help them deal with me no longer being here to answer questions without saying you shouldn't have read it?! I do realise there is probably a very simple answer but I have my reasons for not being able to get it in my head yet and therefore asking for suggestions.

You don't want to dispose of them but could you? That would be the obvious answer

Just throw it away.

I guess you can't.

For this reason, after realising a relative had snooped, I digitalised it all (basically scanned it, password protected it etc). If there were physical legal documents that I simply couldn't destroy while alive, I would have most likely looked into options of my solicitor keeping them and destroying upon my death.

I'd worry about potential hurt or confusion affecting relatives memories of me.

Are they likely to have very big questions?
I think you have 3 choices

1. Just accept they may or may not read them. It will be there choice and they'll have to deal with their unanswered questions themselves.

1. Add an entry to clarify any big questions they may have.

1. Get rid of them yourself.

Seriously, the only way to be able to answer your children's questions is to talk about the issues now, while you're alive. If you can't, you should throw this lumber out.

Pay a lawyer to store them with instructions to destroy when you die.

Or let you dc see them now and explain whatever you feel you need to explain in person.

Or unburden yourself by destroying them now.

I'll add. Getting rid of the physical copy was cathartic.

I've been thinking about this recently having lost my mum. Not found anything personal yet.
But I think I'm going to gather my private stuff together this year so that it's at least in one place.
If I have that done I can decide what can be destroyed now, as I'm in a fit and sound enough place to do so.

I had a major major health incident a few yes ago and am aware that I could go any time. Not dwelling on it, it's just a fact.

Anything else that's not too private I'll probably keep. Thinking letters to my DC father etc. Cards.

Mum's death was expected so if I get that chance I'd be able to direct the DC to the items.

Hmm. I need a sort out.

You should definitely throw it away, it's unfair to lumber someone else with the responsibility when you're gone.

Google 'Swedish Death Cleaning'.

I think that it's a good idea if everyone was prepared for the inevitable.

I'm going to do a sort out, I'm going to leave a note as to why some things I kept and why they were important to me ( things that will mean absolutely nothing to anyone else ).

I will photograph other things then dispose of them.

I may even get round to writing a quick autobiography for the future generations, not to be published publicly obviously. They will understand who I was, and why I made the decisions and choices that I did.

No one will ever tell the story of you better than yourself.

OP as pp have said you have three choices.

Lots of good points and suggestions. So much to think about. While I'm not very well I'm not expecting a sudden death but of course one doesn't know. I have things I am sad to throw away but my care for my children is more important so I think I know what I need to do. The other option is to let the doc read them now and can ask questions but I need to think more about that. Thanks all.