Back to work (part time) and feeling overwhelmed! Any tips?

[SAHMnomore01]

So I've recently gone back to work after a decade at home raising DC and feel like I'm dropping balls all over the place.

DH works full time out of the house 8-6.

I work in a school 2.5 days a week (2 full days one half day) and am exhausted. I've been doing it since September so 3 months in now and not sure if I can do it. All my bloods are fine, I take vitamins , I sleep well, trying to lose weight.

I love my job the kids are great, I've got a great line manager etc but it's a everything else that goes around it eg the mental load / laundry/ dinnner / shopping.

How do you all do it? Any tips?

Theres piles of laundry everywhere as no time to put it away. Dinners on work days are basically freezer stuff for DC, pasta pesto type things for me and DH. I keep reading about using a slow cooker etc which I have but I'm already up at 6 and it's full on until we leave at 8 so how I'm.meant to prep a meal?!

I have 2.5 days off a week but on my half day by the time I get home it's basically time to go to pickup. One day off I do a top-up shop/try to get a handle on the house then the other day off I see my elderly parents who are needing more and more help.

I feel like a wuss as millions of other women work full time and I'm barely coping with part time. I can't give up we need the money.

DC already have school dinners so no packed lunches to do.

Feel like an idiot for not coping 😔

DH is great and does bath and bed while I tidy after tea etc he has a busy job and often has to log on in the evening so can't do anymore than he is

on your half day… could children stay in club?

how old are your children?

and on your day of sorting the house… i get loads done! and why not online shop to have delivered on your afternoon off.

What do you do with your parents?

They are both in primary.

My parents I take them out for lunch, do a bit of cleaning, help with paperwork, take them shopping, all different things really.

There is an after school club they go to on the day I'm with my parents, don't really want increase it as it's expensive and they find it stressful, noisy and busy

I prepare the slow cooker the night before, you can get stew packs of veg made up from Asda just chuck in with some meat and stock. I have a plug timer that turns it on at the crack of dawn

half day…. get online delivery, put away, do a bit of laundry, pick up children

day with parents… before going to them, do a tidy up and more laundry before leaving to see them.

full day off… get head down with cleaning and admin and maybe a batch cook

I think you need to lower your standards TBH. You're working now so you can't maintain the same lifestyle you did when you were at home. You need to go through everything you do now and work out what you are willing to compromise on. None is going to die if you eat a bowl of pasta one night a week and a frozen pizza the other. Does everything need ironed? Does the hoovering NEED to be done every day?

Do an online foodshop one night a week.

If you want to cook from scratch and do stuff in the slow cooker, buy as much ready prepared ingredients as you can (chopped frozen vegetables etc). I literally spend five minutes in the morning throwing in a pack of mince, chopped frozen veg, passata, herbs and seasonings into the slow cooker before work.

A slow cooker also makes it easier to batch cook. If you have a spare afternoon on the weekend, batch cook for the week ahead.

Have a routine for stuff. Set a chore to be done on that day.

I would also step back a bit with your parents. Knock lunch on the head and either get them to do an online shop for themselves or do one for them as well. I'd be having a word with them to explain that you're not as available for them as you once were now you're working.

It takes time to re-arrange your life and realise you need to lower your expectations a bit.

On your workdays - can you batch cook and just reheat? Depending on timing, maybe try to cook just one dinner, give your children a decent snack and have dinner together instead of cooking twice. DD always ate with us from the time she was 11 months and I was back at work. There are plenty of recipes which only take 1/2 hour when you get the hang on them. I also love one-pan oven dishes as I can do other things while it cooks.

What does your DH do on chores, give him something specific to do from your normal list.

Weekends - are you able to block 1/2 day for chores you can't manage on your days off? What do you normally do on weekends?

Parents - do they need you every week for a full day? Could you organise things like shopping for them online and just add some bits and drop them off after the school run and leave after lunch instead of spending the full day and change to one full day each month for bigger things?

You need to take time for you. Either in the evenings or on your day off.

You need to organise differently.
So as DC have school lunch, they ( and you) can have soup or cheese/beans on toast or similar for the evening meal.
Put on a load of washing on a quick wash when you get in from work, then hang it asap so it dries during the evening and overnight - will probably be dry enough to put away next morning. It saves time to do a load for each person separately, then you don't need to spend time sorting it.
You might need to adjust your ideas on how often to wash as well - school uniform trousers/jumper might be OK with sponging rather than fresh every day, sheets could be changed fortnightly rather than weekly. I found it helped not to let DC put on the top layer ( jumpers) until they had had breakfast and cleaned their teeth.
Do the bulk of your shopping online, to be delivered at a time in the evening when DH is home to help unpack - you really don't want to waste a day off doing the shopping. Or do your shopping when you take your parents to do theirs.
Train DC to pick up after themselves if they don't already do that, so that tidy-up time is done during their time, before going to bed, by them, rather than by you during adult time, and get them to do things like laying/clearing the table, bringing washing to the washing machine, helping put away clean stuff, and maybe hoovering, depending on age.
Do your routines need to be streamlined? I'm wondering why you need to get up at 6 to leave at 8? If you are a morning person then maybe that's when you can get on top of housework, because really, school-age children can be getting themselves ready and shouldn't need too much prompting - eg up, downstairs for breakfast at 7:15, eat it while chatting, upstairs at 730 to clean teeth and get dressed, and then out easily by 8. Morning showers just slow everyone down, get those and hairwashing done in the evening. If you spend time on your own appearance, would it be helpful to do make-up hair etc somewhere in the house so that you can continue to direct operations while you are doing it? MiL always kept her make-up in the hall and would put it on there whilst chivvying everyone along!
Make sure all bags are packed and ready to go the night before, as well as checking you've all got the right clothing and equipment to hand. Sports/PE bags should be kept permanently at the ready, repack them as soon as the contents are washed. If you've got the space, have a control box/space for each person in the hall, with everything they might need in one place - gloves, swimming goggles, wellies, school bag/ whatever.
I think the thing is as a working parent streamlined routines and speed are vital, you just don't have time to waste. Prioritise free time for you - it's more important for you to have a few hours free to read/yoga/meet friends than it is to have perfectly ironed clothes. Schedule in time for yourself so that you don't overload.

Thanks for all the replies.

I agree that I need to lower my standards a little but it's hard.

We already don't iron (dh does his work clothes).
We already do beds fortnightly rather than weekly.
Hoover downstairs daily which takes literally a minute. Upstairs hoovered on a weekend and DH does this.

I'm debating starting something like hello fresh for work nights so at least it would take some of the mental load out of everything.

Re parents, yes they need me one full day a week. One of them has dementia so it's alot for the other one to take on. My sister also does one full day a week with them aswell on her day off. I'm very aware that each day almost they are getting worse so want to dedicate that day and do stuff while we still can. It's a bit shitty tbh.

Someone asked what we do at weekends. We swim on Saturday afternoon.not lessons just fun. Church Sunday morning then rush round on a Sunday afternoon doing homework/sorting uniform and work clothes for the week we have everything hung up for all 5 days/ I do some simple meal prep things like cutting up fruit and putting in boxes for my lunch etc / quick baking for kids snacks.

Try to take Sunday night off to relax in front of the TV!

I went back to part time work in sep after a couple of years being SAHM due to redundancy. Sgill getting back into a routine (esp after a proper break over xmas). Am home at around 5 on the 3 days I work (Mon,Tues and Thurs) so do quick food to eat around 6pm - spaghetti bol, meatballs/halloumi in sauce in oven with pasta, sausages in oven, breaded chicken or fish, burgers, chicken thighs and rice, egg fried rice with peas and pre cooked chicken or prawns. Not overly exciting or ambitious, but hopefully nutritious enough with pots/pasta/rice/noodles/gnocchi and veg.
Tend to have shopping delivered 10am on a Friday so have bulk of fresh food for the weekend, and may pop in shop for a quick top up as required.
Tend to do towels wash on a friday, every 2 weeks do bedding, school uniform stuff on Friday after school and other washing on Saturday. And mid week underwear/other bits wash on a Wed. In good weather I wash in evening and hang out before bed so can line dry the next day.
Tend to do most housework on Wed - bathrooms etc, and just do an extra hoover on a Friday. Doesn't feel like I get a rest in the week - but then try not to have to do too much house work on the weekend- save for garden jobs or bigger stuff.
The main thing for me is having a routine so I can plan the week - but still be flexible to change if needed. Am on pta and often help with things on a friday - as long as know in time can usually change time of grocery delivery to accommodate.

How much time are you spending on housework? I am curious. I think it’s a combination of not being organised enough or your standards are too high. I work full time and you will find many threads on MN on how we do it. I have tried hello fresh but I don’t find it save any time. I have a 4 week meal plan and just bang everything on the meal plan onto my online groceries. I top up milk and anything I forgot from the local Tesco express. All the meals are quick cook stuff and I don’t like slow cookers. It just doesn’t work for me to cook in the morning. I can usually get a meal out in 15-30min. Think what you can cook and I am sure you have some 30min meals somewhere. You may do better with bang in the oven food. I find that requires me to start a bit earlier but buys time while it’s cooking.

I have two children and I wash 1-2 loads a day. DH helps put clothes away every night. I make dinners and pack their lunches. DH does homework with the kids. We have cleaners so I usually do an hour of cleaning in the weekend only. DH catches up with DIY at the same time. My kids are KS2 and 3. So we don’t have to play with them all the time, but we are very busy with driving them to clubs.

Also maybe your DH aren’t splitting the housework and homework. You will probably find those who managed to work full time also split the house work 50/50.

Have a look at your schedule and see where you can be more efficient.

I've been crying just now with the overwhelm. Uurgh.

The panic that I wont have time after tea to hang up my clothes for the week 😞

I like the idea of a 4 week meal plan @NewYearResolutions would you mind sharing it?

DH does quite alot around the house but he works a 60-70 hour week (usual office hours plus logging back on in the evening) so he can't do much more than he already is.

@SAHMnomore01 if he’s working 60-70 hours a week, then don’t be too harsh on yourself. That would be why others say they can juggle work and home. We have support and aren’t doing it on our own. I will PM you about meal plans. Don’t think it will help you but hopefully give you some insight.

Oh wanted to add here that I don’t find hello fresh helpful because it’s recipes I’m not familiar with. I find following them takes effort and I don’t like doing them when I’m in a hurry. I much prefer cooking familiar recipes when I’m in a hurry. I still use a recipe but I just glance quickly over it. If you play an instrument, it’s like not playing from memory but being so familiar with the score I just use it to know where I need to go next.

I work full time 8-4 mon - Fri and oh does similar, primary’s age dc’s.
i understand it feels totally overwhelming but I think you might be over complicating things and worrying your not going to get things done, when if you break it down it’s not too bad.
mon-Fri we get in about 4.30. The kids have a shower if needed, while I put a wash in and then do a tea. Pasta/curry/stir fry/ chicken and rice/spaghetti and something/pizza/oven food and that is normally on the table by 5.15ish. Wash up and clean kitchen takes till about six and then I will run the hoover round or have a quick tidy. I’m normally on the sofa chilling by 7.00 at the latest. Rule is kids get their own uniform out and sort their water bottles etc for the next day.
on a Friday I go food shopping straight from work and on a sat morning all of us clean which takes an hour/hour and a half between the four of us! If I’m working full time then everyone else needs to pull their weight too! Sat afternoon and Sunday I chill!

Yeah sorry I have little sympathy lol.

I work FT and have one primary and one secondary, with another on the way! I will be going back to work part time after maternity leave aswell.

You need to use your time effectively. Whilst dinner is cooking, get a wash on, put some laundry away, do some general tidying etc, it's not difficult tbh.

Laundry - throw in a load whatever days you need to (grab dirty things at night when doing a sweep of house generally, put in machine to run during the day while out so it's ready when you get in), use tumble dryer if overnight on clothes horse is hassle. Then throw into a clean laundry hamper once dry (can be raided if clean clothes are needed urgently but everyone MUST put other clothes back in once they find what's needed, not leave them on the floor - I have a teen!).

At the weekend, grab DCs to help and all fold together while watching tv/a movie. Give everyone a pile of their own clean clothes to put away.

Also, get organised the night before. After dinner, clean kitchen and prep tomorrow's dinner at the same time - take meat or frozen meal out to defrost, peel & chop veg/potatoes, find the jar of sauce etc.

Do a sweep of the house in the evening for stray items to put in their place. Get out whatever instruments, sports kit, etc is needed for tomorrow. (Get DCs into habit of doing this with you reminding them). Everyone should lay out their clothes before bed that they'll put on in the morning.

While you mightn't lay out breakfast, it should be easy for everyone to get in the morning as a smooth process - so perhaps getting out bowls, cutlery, glasses and putting on the table might help reduce the bodies floating through the kitchen space unnecessarily. Have the kettle filled with the right amount of water for coffee/porridge etc. Make sure you have enough milk/bread etc when clearing after dinner (not realising in the morning).

Are DCs old enough to have household chores to be responsible for? Empty the bins, fill or empty the dishwasher, sweep the floors after dinner,...
Or at least learn to not leave a trail of items all over the house...

I try to do double batches of dinners that freeze and reheat well - it only takes a little more chopping and often the same time to cook or only a few minutes extra but saves a lot later. Spag Bol, chilli, curries, chicken and mushrooms in creamy sauce, shepherds pie, smoked fish and broccoli pie, etc. Or do a big pot of mash for 1 day and use the leftovers next day for shep/fish pie etc. Dinners that cook all on 1 tray in the oven (or chicken joints/breasts on a bed of veggies with some boiled/baked potatoes) are really useful to throw in and do something else while it cooks. My meal things are about reducing time I need to focus on the kitchen when we're all just in, hungry, need to offload the day, share messages and news, get homework finished and mail checked...so prepping ahead or having easy to cook meals is very useful.

I also found at a time when I was getting overwhelmed that keeping a set of cleaning spray and clean cloths in each bathroom was a big help. I just grabbed and sprayed, rinsed off, chucked bleach in toilet, threw cloth into laundry - took less than 5 minutes in each bathroom (we have 2) but also FELT much easier than hunting for the spray and a cloth each time, trekking up and down stairs, I felt I could do them 1 at a time when I had 5 minutes rather than a whole big chore. And doing a bit more frequently meant they were easier to do.

The areas that jump out at me are:

The half day - you need to identify something useful that you can actually get done between 12.30 and 3pm. I see the value in being able to pick up your children on that day, but otherwise those hours are just trapped time and you might as well be working. And you must leave as soon as possible when you finish work otherwise you will be sucked back in….

Church - religious beliefs notwithstanding, it takes up half a day for the entire family. Consider, would that time be better spent elsewhere? Are you going out of conviction or habit? Do both parents need to attend? Could you visit your parents on a Sunday morning instead? Or go to church on alternate weekends?

Top up shopping at the supermarket - not a good use of time! Just buy more in your main shop. Ideally switch to online shopping and get that sorted out on your half-day.

Cooking - definitely give a slow-cooker a try. I use mine at least once a week for a bolognaise-style sauce made with puy lentils, which then works a second night.

Best of luck, it is a big adjustment.

Bumping this, still struggling to juggle all the balls! Uurgh. I upped from 2.5 to 3 days and have started getting food shops delivered twice a week rather than once a week so that saves a top up shop in person

Maybe it's because I was at home so long that it's taking a long time to adjust to being back at work.

I would say get the slow cooker going? You don’t have to brown onions etc first. You could put the slow cooker bowl in the fridge overnight with the raw ingredients inside, then place the bowl in the appliance in the morning.

Just to say OP I have no answers but am now working 3 days a week after many years at home with dc and I am shattered!! I feel pathetic and am telling myself it's because I've been in hospital recently with a bad infection and because it's all new but I don't think it is. I just feel a bit pathetic tbh. And guilty. Just so you know, you aren't alone!

I work 3 days a week too and DH is full time. Things that have really helped are:

DDs go to after school club on the 3 days a week that I work. Because they have a light meal there they only need a snack when they get home (bowl of cereal, fruit and yoghurt etc.)

We have a set daily routine. Every evening we put the dishwasher on immediately after dinner and wash one load of laundry.

In the mornings we empty the dishwasher first thing (while my coffee is brewing). This means that dirty plates and bowls etc can immediately be put in the dishwasher throughout the day and don't clutter up the sides.

I also hang up the laundry that was washed the night before to dry or put it in the tumble dryer in the morning. Then in the evening I put it away. It means I'm only ever washing, drying, putting away one load of laundry so it doesn't pile up.

We've really lowered our standards with weeknight meals. Jacket potatoes, pesto pasta or egg on toast etc are all regular fixtures for midweek dinners. Everyone is fed, it's cheap and quick.

Saturday mornings we have a dedicated sorting hour. Either DH or I will sit at the kitchen table with DDs and help with homework. The other one will have an hour cleaning the house. We alternate so it doesn't all fall to one person.

On my days off I do things like do the food shop and wash all the bedding and towels. Jobs that mean I feel like I'm getting ahead.

Baths or showers are always in the evening so it's one less thing to do in the mornings.

If you're also caring for parents it's not easy so go easy on yourself!

Can you get a cleaner?

In the holidays, deep clean fridge, defrost freezer, descale appliances, declutter.

I bulk buy as many things as possible in the school hols so over Easter I bought c6 months worth of toilet rolls, tissues, contact lens solution, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, soap, toothpaste, toothbrushes, make up, washing tabs, bleach, cloths, bin bags, tea bags, coffee, juice etc. It makes weekly shops quicker and easier if it’s mainly food.

Also book, dentist, hair, MOT, handyman etc in the holidays for the holidays or your days off.

Organise cards and gifts for the next half term or even term each holiday (e.g. organise Father’s Day cards and gifts in May half term.)

Get your car cleaned professionally inside and out as needed. They do a better job as they have all of the tools and equipment than you can do at home.

Don’t sit down in the evening until you’ve got everything ready for the next day. Put teabags and spoons in mugs by the kettle, look out bowls, cereals, all clothing, make lunches, put bags by the door… Do as much as possible that your future self will thank you for and streamline your life as much as you can.

I would prioritise sleep over anything though and if things don’t get done, they can wait. Try not to be hard on yourself, I’m sure you’re doing an amazing job and teaching is bloody hard! Also never sacrifice time with your parents 🥰

If you’re hanging in there you’re doing really well OP. You have work, kids, parents to deal with, its not easy.
I found the book “How to keep house while drowning” really helpful and confidence boosting.
If I am struggling I revert to a really simple easy routine Until I feel better. Like a one week meal plan jackets monday, pasta tuesday etc. Put in rest and stuff you want to do when you’re with the kids and your parents. Also ask DH to suggest what he can do to help.