How to support 16YO DN through this?

[ChinaInYourHands]

My 16 yo DNiece typically stays with me 1 night a week because we enjoy each other's company and she loves the area where I live (in London).

Throughout the years, she has had numerous orthodontic appointments through the NHS and she's always known that she would need a number of operations to correct several issues. This all sounds grueling to me but she really wants to have these operations and feel 'normal'.

She has a number of issues, including slightly protruding front teeth, severe crowding and severe malocclusion. She'll require at least 2 operations and then braces for a very long time.

These operations have been delayed and delayed, to the point that now it looks like she will have to wear braces when she goes to uni. Understandably she was hoping to have this sorted by then, but the op keeps being put back.

There's not a lot I can do about this. If I could, I'd pay for her to have this treatment done privately asap, but I really cannot.

The problem is that every time she has one of these appointments, she has to lie there with her mouth wide open and listen to a bunch of consultants point out every flaw in her mouth. The result is that she leaves feeling horrible about herself, ugly (her words), self conscious, and this can last months and months, and then it's time for another appointment and the whole thing starts again, she has to listen to confirmation of everything that's wrong about her appearance, the op gets pushed back, and the cycle starts again. This has really damaged her self esteem. She says that when she's with others, she now feels that they're all looking at her flaws and judging her.

So this is what I'd like to help her with. Apart from telling her that she's beautiful to me and that no one is focusing on her flaws because everyone's focused on themselves, how can I help her in a way that feels authentic and meaningful?

I would speak to her parents and ask them to talk to the consultants and explain how they are making her feel. I know they are only doing their job by highlighting the issues but there may be a way that they can be more sensitive about it. I know my orthodontist used to speak to my mum quietly (I was under 16) to explain what needed done and then come and reassure me that although I needed a lot of work, it was all hidden etc.

If she enjoys a pamper night then next time she’s at yours you two could do task masks and just have a little spa night at home and just keep reassuring her that she’s beautiful.

Thank you @Hiddenvoice. Yes, her parents are going to put something in writing, but this can be tricky as it's the NHS and they never know who they're going to get. The next appointment won't be for a while and the damage to her self esteem is done.
The pampering thing, yes absolutely, we do that as standard, and I try to remind her how beautiful she is. But right now this is just not landing. I feel something else is needed.

If all sounds awful for her, especially as they keep delaying everything so not only is she being made to feel rubbish about herself but she’s being let down repeatedly.

You sound like a fantastic aunt. I’m not great with ideas and always suffered with anxiety and my self esteem. My mum used to take me out days, we would plan a day trip in advance, like going to another city for a meal and a show. We would then spend the next couple of weekends getting things ready for it and it just gave me something positive to focus on and look forward to- more of a distraction than anything else. I know this doesn’t help with her being down about her appearance but maybe just something else to look forward to might help.