Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Someone has to sleep with the rats today...

30 replies

Frequency · 13/01/2024 02:37

But who?

DD1(20) has a multitude of MH issues, the newest being agoraphobia, meaning any new relationship she enters starts in her bedroom. She currently has a young man in her room who is allergic to dogs. She also has 2 chihuahuas aka the rats.

She did tell me a few days ago I would have to sleep with the rats but I refused and told her I was working but agreed to have rat1. Rat1 when on her own, will climb under my duvet and sleep. Rat1 + Rat2 = playtime and me being kept awake half the day (I am on nights).

DD2 (17) also has her boyfriend over who is not allergic to rats. She has just told me when I tried to give her rat2 that DD1 has promised her she does not have to look after any chihuahuas tonight/tomorrow morning and she would not have invited her boyfriend over if she knew she had to have a chi in her bed.

My options are I have them both and don't sleep more than a couple of hours before doing another 12-hour night shift. I upset DD2 by telling her she has to have a chihuahua or I pop a rat and some piriton into DD1's room and hope I don't not kill anyone.

I don't want to embarrass DD1 by making a scene in front of her date because it is hard enough for her to socialise/meet new people so dragging her out of her room in front of her date and making her deal with her rats is not an option but I will be having words with her once her date leaves.

I'm thinking depositing rat2 into DD2's room in the morning and hoping she doesn't notice until I get up in the afternoon is the best option?

OP posts:
Mybootsare · 13/01/2024 05:22

So the agaraphobia is quite recent,
well Hopefully it won’t become a long term thing as it’s very limiting.

Taking a break from romantic relationships at the young age of 20 is hardly putting your life on hold though.

And arguably if she’s not working or studying (or is she?) and not leaving the house at an age where many are starting careers, having girly weekends or going to uni etc, that is all more putting your life on hold more than abstaining from men would be .

I do agree you don’t need to have perfect mental health to date but the ability to leave the house seems like an important thing to develop before you open yourself up to romantic relationships (unless you were in an existing relationship)

Justcallmebebes · 13/01/2024 05:24

She's invited a complete stranger into her bedroom to stay the night??

How does she walk the dogs if she suffers from agoraphobia?

All seems a bit odd

Frequency · 13/01/2024 06:16

I probably should have put more detail in the OP but it would have turned into an essay and I am actually working between browsing MN and stressing about how I am going to manage to sleep with both Chis.

DD has been ill since she was in primary school. It started getting really bad when she became a teen and has been slowly going downhill since. She is getting help. I have been fighting for her to get more help/the right help since she was 10. I appreciate that posters mentioning her mental health are trying to help, and thank you, genuinely but I really only wanted to know whether popping a dog into her room might cause serious health issues for her date or whether it would be really terrible to demand DD2 take one, which is why I skimmed over mental health issues. It wasn't because I don't think her issues are not serious or that I am not trying to get her the right help.

The date is a friend of her friend's boyfriend. She's known the friend since she was 11 and his boyfriend has been in the picture for about 2 years now. The entire family has met the friend and the boyfriend numerous times. The friend and the date have worked with each other for about 4 years.

DD1 and the date met at a party about a year ago when she was still with her last boyfriend and have chatted on and off online ever since, in group chats with other friends and 1 to 1. It started becoming as romantic as an online-only relationship can be a few months ago.

This is the only man apart from the friend and his boyfriend who she has ever invited to stay at the house. If she was regularly bringing strangers into the house for sex I would be worried but she is not. If she starts trying to I will act on it.

They've been sitting in her room watching movies with DD2 and her boyfriend up until an hour ago so I don't think he has come here just for sex. I do believe he wants to spend time with DD1 getting to know her, although I am not completely naive. I have made sure there are condoms in the bathroom.

I only mentioned her mental health and inability to form relationships outside of the house to explain why I didn't want to kick up a fuss about her dogs in front of her date.

She is getting help, and has been since she started displaying symptoms of poor mental health and now I am aware she is feeling completely unable to leave the house I will make sure her mental health team is aware.

I walk her dogs. I make sure they get appropriate enrichment during the day (or night depending on when I am awake). Her dogs are very well cared for. They are a lot more spoiled/babied than I would like but they are walked and they do get played with and have mentally stimulating play and training every day.

I call them rats as a joke. I'm actually quite fond of them, especially rat1. Rat2 is a bit dim and doesn't have much personality but I do not dislike him. I also call DD2's cats cunts. Neither the cats nor the chihuahuas seem to mind Grin

If this guy doesn't learn to love her dogs I can't see him lasting long. She is already complaining that she cannot have her oldest chi in her room because she is the one who cuddles in bed with her. If she has to pick between her date and her dog, she will pick her dog.

Anyhow, the rats sleeping arrangements are sorted now and I am due to finish work so will be off to walk them all shortly.

OP posts:
TotallyForgettableForNow · 13/01/2024 06:24

I have no advice on the situation OP, however all chihuahuas are referred to as 'rats' in this house! We do actually have pet rats and they are my 'grand babies'!
My youngest dog answers to 'fatty boy' and the cat is 'fuck nugget'.
My point is I totally get it, as long as you say it with a smile on your face and a chirpy voice the dogs won't care what you call them!!

Whataretheodds · 13/01/2024 06:31

If this guy doesn't learn to love her dogs I can't see him lasting long. if he's allergic then it's irrelevant how he feels about them.

It's incredibly unfair of her to expect others to sort out the failure of her plan A dogsitting. Surely the guy can just go home.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread