Why am I like this?!?!

[Junipergray]

I've got myself into an issue at work. I've messed up something and I need to deal with it, but there's no way for me to fix it without other people finding out I've cocked up. It's not sackable, but it's a pretty stupid mistake. The problem is, rather than just deal with it, I keep putting it off, and off and off. I do this all the time. I bury my head in the sand and then have sleepless nights stressing about things.
Why can't I just make myself deal with stuff!! I'm so worried about the ramifications I just panic and don't want to face it - but it's not going to go away! I was going to deal with it this morning, then didn't and now I don't want to start doing it because other people are due in the office soon and I don't want them to hear me on the phone to the person I need to report it to.

Does anyone else do this? I'm stressing myself out and still will try to find anything at all other than that to do.

Can you report it by email instead of phone? That way you can carefully control your wording and not be over-heard.

We all make stupid mistakes. Just own up to it, you will feel so much better.

Own it and if you have to explain it to someone try and laugh at yourself for being so silly? That’s what I do even if it feels like I’m dying inside. I find people have more sympathy if I do that and it’s less awkward

This is fairly common.

Go get something to help you do the big thing - a cup of coffee, chocolate biscuit, glass of wine whatever it is. Big breath in and just get it sorted.

you'll feel so much better afterwards, plan something nice for this evening.

Eat the frog - eg you can't enjoy your dinner if you know you have to eat a frog. If you keep putting it off everything tastes of dread.

Eat the frog, get it out of the way and then you can vomit relax

Technically I could report by email, but it would go to a shared mailbox (at accountants) and more people would see it before it got to the person who would help with it. Plus, would probably just result in her calling me anyway.

I might go for the glass of wine, plus a vodka, plus a few bags of hoolahoops and then some diazepam.

One of the people on his way in is a real know it all and would immediately be on the phone to my boss to tell him what he's heard. I want to ensure I have at least got the solution in progress before I have to let on my balls up. Plus, although it's not something he will sack me for, it does mean it is going to cost him money (it would have anyway even if i did it correctly, it's just expenditure he won't have been factoring in).

Ugh. The frog looks pretty unappealing right now.

It gets worse the longer you look at it too.

It really sounds like you're scrabbling for excuses why delaying it is better for you. If deep down you know that's true - get it sorted asap.

If waiting is genuinely better - set a deadline that's reasonable. EG regardless of outcome I will report by 4.30 tonight because it can't get picked up Monday.

Or "Even I don't have the fix sorted, the longest I can wait to report this is till 3pm Monday. With or without the resolution"

That way you don't let your feelings get in the way of what needs to get sorted

I'm going to be unusually blunt (for me) OP, just do it, the anticipation of doing it is a million times worse than the outcome of just doing it is going to be so just get it done. I used to do this to myself all the time so I do get it but honestly, just get it over with so you can leave this horrible, anxious limbo you're stuck in, the relief will be immense

I've just mailed the lady I need to speak to say I need to discuss an issue with her and asked for her DD. As soon as the guys I have here have gone I'll be calling her. Even if it's in the car on the way home so I know it's at least moved on a bit.

you'll feel better for it after the phone call! Well done

What's the worse that can happen?
We all make mistakes and have cocked up in our lives. You're only human.
Best to hold your hands up than to try to hide it.
Ask your manager if you can have a word on the quiet if you're worried about it.

Do you give yourself permission to not know stuff & make mistakes, & for those human foibles in you to be publicly acknowledged ?

Well done OP, hope the phone call goes ok.

This is an excellent question to ask yourself OP, I have definitely been known to hold myself to absurdly high standards!

Thank you all for your kind responses.

I did speak to her, but she wasn't entirely sure how to remedy it so asked me to send her all the details (which I did this morning) and she has to escalate to her senior. My boss is currently away so although I know they will find out at some point, I'm not sure when. Until I hear back from her, I'm not certain how huge of a problem it is actually. I fear it could be more of an issue than I'd realised.

I think I take mistakes a little too much to heart sometimes, but a lot of the time I do believe the mistakes could have been avoidable in the first place. Normally it's down to not quite understanding something then having the good intentions to seek out the necessary help, but then for whatever reason that doesn't happen and it becomes a much bigger problem.

I definitely have a huge issue with avoidance and I don't know why.

Well done and good luck, just be very honest and say I am so sorry. Please let us know how you get on. 😘

At least you have done all you can for now, just try and forget about it and by the time your boss is back, it should all be dealt with.