When to stop giving gifts to God-children

[MumblesParty]

I'm Godmother to 3 kids - 2 of them are siblings.
Eldest is about to turn 22, youngest is 18.

In general me and my friends have never exchanged birthday/Christmas gifts for our kids except if there was a birthday party involved, which there hasn't been for years as all of us have older kids now.

However, as is traditional, I have always given gifts to my God-children on their birthdays, which for the last few years has been money.

Eldest God-child's birthday is coming up. She'll be 22. She's in her final year at university. She's a lovely girl (I barely know her, but whenever I see her she is polite and friendly), and her Mum is a good friend, although we rarely see each other as live a long distance apart now.

At what point do God-parents typically stop giving gifts? Is there a convention? (I have 2 kids myself, teens, but they haven't been christened so don't have Godparents)

I was thinking maybe till university is over? Or would age 21 be the final one?

Any thoughts?

18, 21 or post university have all been cut offs in our circle of friends.

I have four, and I stopped at 21.

18 or 21.

Do they thank you? Send a Christmas /birthday message or card?

Some stop at confirmation with a present for their 21st and any wedding, others like me go on until 21, and would then give a wedding present if that happens. I’d certainly see this as the moment to stop - otherwise you’ll be doing it for life!!

I always get a thank you text or email from them.

When they are 18 or stop saying thank you - whichever of those comes first.

The oldest has now stopped IMO, the youngest I would match to 21 then drop that too.

Yes - I originally thought 21, but thinking of extending to cover the university years, which in this case would be 22. But I'm not sure. I gave a larger amount last year, as 21st is a big one, so maybe I should just quit while I'm ahead! And what if she decides to do a Masters or a PhD!!

I know I'm overthinking this😂

Yep. This.

I sent mine presents up to 18 - got no thanks for the 18th. I then kindly sent a 21st present and stopped. (Skipped 19 and 20).

I plan to stop buying for nieces and nephews at 21. I have a young DC and until last year, I spent more in total on neiphlings than DC. I can't afford to keep buying for them all.

We made the decision to stop at 21 for birthdays with special presents then for significant birthdays, engagement, weddings etc.

Why do you ‘barely know’ your god-daughter? However far apart you live, wasn’t getting to know her the very least that you signed up for?

Definitely 18 or 21. Regardless of being a godchild or not, we've always said if we're in regular contact with a godchild, niece or nephew who's older, then we'd buy them the odd treat if visiting them, them coming to us, ie niece visited with her DD, so we bought her DD a colouring book and sweet treats, ie we still have regular contact with them.

@TheOriginalFrench gosh I wasn’t expecting an attack, when I posted the most innocuous question, in Chat, not even AIBU!!

But since you seem to want an explanation - well her Mum and I studied together and lived near to each other for several years, and were great friends. She then got married and worked abroad for a while, then came back and settled at the other end of the country. We both had busy lives, jobs, kids etc, and although we try to meet up once or twice a year, more often than not we include other friends, and make it an adults event. I saw my Godchild every so often, but as I said, life gets in the way. I’m surprised that I even have to explain this. Surely most people have friends they don’t see often, due to distance?

There’s a distinction between a question and an attack! (I intended the former, not the latter.)

And of course friends’ lives diverge after a while. Completely get that. It’s just becoming a godparent is a more formal thing - and a relationship with a godchild ought (in my eyes!) to be independent of the original friendship with their parents.

(Almost all my godparents were useless. I try to be the sort I’d have wanted myself!)

I wouldn’t want to stop acknowledging birthdays, etc - however old they were. Not necessarily with a gift - maybe arranging to meet up at a cocktail bar, or whatever might be a treat when they’re younger. And then when they’re older maybe just a FaceTime chat to wish them Happy Birthday in person.

I would probably continue. They'll still be your god children and whether they are 15, 25 or 45. You could give them token gifts if you don't want to spend much.

I still get presents from my god mother and I’m 59 this year!

Surely most people have friends they don’t see often, due to distance?
of course, but this isn’t just a friendship though. You are a Godparent.

I agree. Being a godparent is a responsibility. Of course, it does depend on what you can afford but I would have thought a small amount of money each birthday and Christmas, and more on 'big' birthdays like 30/40. Plus a decent wedding gift if they marry.

I barely know mine, I don't think it's uncommon.

OP I would say 21 for cut off .

Not sure that’s a responsibility most people take particularly seriously though, unless they are highly religious. I haven’t seen any of mine since I was about 5, certainly never got any presents off them.

For most people, their godparents are two or three people their parents asked to stand by the font at the christening, and their involvement with the child ends there.

It’s a responsibility to lead them into the path of righteousness/bring them up in the light of God. Not to give them presents.

I think the meaning of “God parent” really varies. Obviously some people are very religious and take it very seriously, choosing adults who they feel will be a spiritual constant in their child’s life, and ensuring a close relationship is maintained. For most people, however, it’s just a good friend who they trust and like, to take on the role at the christening. I’m not religious, wasn’t christened myself and haven’t had my kids christened. Luckily this hasn’t been a problem for the clergy involved when I’ve been a God parent.

At the end of the day, however close a God parent might be to their God child when young, that closeness will almost always dwindle as the child gets older. Not many teens are interested in hanging out with their parent’s mates.

But I didn’t post to have my relationship criticised. I just wanted an idea of how long most people continued to give presents. I’m still undecided!

But surely this:

the meaning of “God parent” really varies.

determines the answer to this:

I just wanted an idea of how long most people continued to give presents.

Why stop? My goddaughter is 20 and I have no intention.of stopping. I still buy gifts for her older brother despite him not being my 'responsibility' (as his dad put it once). They don't get much, but they are remembered.