Had a miscarriage and friends now pregnant

[Happyorsad]

just over a month ago I had a miscarriage at 6.5 weeks and my best friend 5 days later found out she’s pregnant. She’s got really bad morning sickness and other symptoms I want to support her but I’m finding it difficult. I’m also trying again and the wait to test is becoming so difficult just wish I would know now the outcome of the test but I’ve got to wait 5 days atleast. She’s tried to not mention her pregnancy but it does come up unintentionally like we couldn’t do something on a certain date because she’s seeing a midwife or I asked how the cinema was but she said she couldn’t go as she kept being sick. She apologised at the beginning for telling me but didn’t want to lie to me as I’m her best friend and didn’t think there would ever be a perfect time to tell me. She would try to do everything to make me feel more comfortable around her. Although nothings really working. I love seeing her and we have a lot of fun just that every now and then I feel upset and jealous. She would feel awful if I said I felt like this as she’s really tried her best about it. I’ve been feeling all the symptoms I had last time but honestly think there all in my head and I shouldn’t think about them or I might be disappointed.

She’s not pregnant with your baby. Try, hard as it is, to separate the 2. Don’t sour her pregnancy for her and risk your friendship.

I’m not sour around I’m completely normal until I get home and have a little cry she’s non the wiser to how I feel I think

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's still very recent
I agree don't let your friend know how you are feeling, maybe spend less time together until you've healed more, it does get easier. Best of luck.

Being jealous & bitter wont get you anywhere.
Your poor friend can hardly mention her pregnancy for fear of offending you & has to do everything possible to make you feel comfortable around her?!

I really feel for you. It is tough and hard when she's going through what you want . You can't help the way you feel but you do need to try and support her , it sounds like she is being as sensitive as she can be for you also.

When I got pregnant, one of my friends reacted terribly (she wasn't trying but was single and struggling with this) . She first made odd commented then acted like I wasn't pregnant, never checked on me, stopped speaking to me (although I'd really been there for her through her breakup). I reached out a few times but she never. I was dropped like a hot spud.
It really hurt. I'd never forgive her (not that she's apologised or tried)

So if you can push through a little and maybe let her talk about it abit/ ask her how she is in order to not damage the friendship x

You have to just keep on powering through, I’m afraid. People around you are going to get pregnant, lose pregnancies, have babies, have sick babies and generally go through all those kinds of things constantly- including you.

You have to put a barrier between what you are experiencing and what they are experiencing. Otherwise life is a constant stress and panic comparing everyone’s experiences. One day you will probably be the person carrying while someone else is going through a loss. It’s the nature of life.

💐

Oh you poor thing. I cried every day for ages after my miscarriage. The first day I got through without crying my best friend phoned to tell me she was pregnant and I was absolutely devastated all over again.

She'd wanted a baby for longer and if felt guilty to her when I was pregnant and I knew she felt terrible telling me. It was so painful at the time. Of course I was happy for her too, but it was painful.

It's okay for it to be thoroughly shit for you. Like don't beat yourself up about it. It's shitty but one thing that helped me was a couple of women I'd known a while ago posting on Facebook about their experience of recurrent miscarriage - not because I'm heartless but because I felt so so lonely and torn apart.

All your feelings are valid op. Take care.

If it hurts you too much or makes you feel jealous take a step back for your sanity. iF you are the type of friends that talk everyday it will be noticeable so take the time to explain. No one should judge ypu for needing some time for yourself.

It's an exciting time for her and she shouldn't have to hold back or dull that because of you. She is being mindful.of your feelings and I don't think there is anything more you can ask of her.

I am sorry for your loss. I MC mine when my friend was 8 months pregnant and I just had to take my MC as something that happened and nothing I could do about it so better to keep trying and not think about it too much. I know it's easier to move on for some people but I had to do that to protect myself in order to get through my every day life, TTC again and having her newborn baby that she wanted me to be close to. I met with her on weekly basis and just concentrated on her and her baby as a completely separate part of my life to me wanting a baby.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s cruel and so unfair.

I have had two first trimester losses and felt a such a range of emotions, some of them really ugly, such as feeling upset/angry/jealous when even people I cared about got pregnant. Like you I could act happy to their face but always felt so much worse when I got home and reflected in what I’d lost and didn’t have.

It really isn’t easy to put these emotions aside and they’re totally valid. I think you should do what you need to protect yourself, which might mean distancing from her and other pregnant friends a bit to focus on activities which remind you of the positives of being baby / pregnancy free for now x

It gets easier with time. It's obviously still quite raw at the moment. I lost two and had 5 nephews and nieces born in that time. It absolutely sucked initially. I tried to distance myself didn't go to family gatherings for a bit but ultimately you can't keep that up. I had to enjoy the pregnancies and the babies for them and for myself. There were some wobbles on the way in private and I occasionally had a breakdown to my partner about it lol but 3 years later and I finally have a 4 week old. I did it and I never thought I'd get here.

Just to add I did exactly what above poster suggested I went to theme parks, went on nights out with my partner, we dated again and I really enjoyed that time together when the world felt like it was caving in.

@Serencwtch i haven’t made her not do anything she talks to me all the time daily In fact about it I get updates photos of baby things etc and I’ve never once made her walk on egg shells. I know she’s trying to me sympathetic to me but these things come up in conversation and I’m not going to stop her. But it is difficult around her I’m completely fine we both went into Baby shop yesterday.