Will my friend have to pay for her mother’s funeral? *Title edited by MNHQ*

[Carwashandthemoog]

My friend has sadly just lost her mother.

Neither the mother, or her father had any money. They were/are on benefits and in a council property.

My friend seems to believe that she will have to pay for her fathers funeral.

This seems very unfair to me (especially as she’ll need to take a loan to pay for it) but I can not advise her as I really don’t know the answer and can’t find much online.

Will she be liable to pay?

There's such a thing as 'direct cremation' or 'direct disposal' which is much cheaper and involves no ceremony or gathering. They just take the body from the morgue, cremate and dispose of the ashes at the crematorium and there's no attendance involved. It's not for everyone as people often want a bit of a 'do' or graveyards and headstones but it's certainly a pragmatic solution.

When my father died in 2016 he hadn't wanted a ceremony and wanted to be cremated. I found out about this service and decided it was perfect. I got a letter saying when and where he'd be cremated (I didn't attend - you're not meant to) and his ashes were scattered there too. You don't have to make any decisions about dates, timing, clothing, coffin types or handles. It's very hands off.

For some people it might seem a bit brutal and uncaring but I loved my dad very much and know that he'd have been cock-a-hoop that I'd discovered such an efficient way to handle his remains. We were not very sentimental about death in our family, not big on fuss or parties. I mentioned to the hospital morgue staff that he'd have been quite happy to be incinerated with the rest of the hospital waste - but that's not possible!

I think it was about £1,400 when I did it but Co-op are offering one at £1,195 + £82 for paperwork if in England and Wales https://www.coop.co.uk/funeralcare/funeral-services/direct-cremation

At this stage it may be too late to arrange a donation of the body to medical research / medical schools but worth being aware of https://www.hta.gov.uk/guidance-public/body-organ-and-tissue-donation (the only cost, if the body was accepted, would be transport costs if the accepting medical school isn't local).

Best wishes to your friend, it's a miserable time
Jo

The funeral comes out of the deceased funds. If they don't have any you might hope family would pay. If not there are other options, but I would hope someone wants to honour their dead.

JoBrodie I think this may be what she intends to do if she does have to end up paying herself. No service, just a cremation and maybe a small gathering in a local pub to try and keep the costs down.
I feel so very sorry that she has been burdened with this. She didn’t have a fantastic childhood and is such a hard worker, seems so unfair to be lumbered with this funeral bill.

My friend's brother passed away and their family had no means of paying the full cost of a funeral, they set up a payment plan with the funeral directors so they pay a monthly payment.

I just recently contributed to an a fund raiser for a funeral. They are stupidly expensive and this acquaintance of mine couldn't afford to her husband's funeral costs.

We spent £4000 on my dad's and it was a very simple cremation. The costs are crazy.

@Hotcuppatea
They absolutely are ridiculous prices, it's a hard enough time already without worrying about the huge cost of the funeral. I lost my dad September 2022 and the funeral cost was just over £5,000. It's dreadful.

We spent a bit over £1300 on a direct to crem funeral for my Dad. We booked it online with the Co-Op and then someone called. We didn't have any ceremony at all and we left the crematorium to deal with the ashes. We didint even want to know the date. It was perfect for us and also what my Dad wanted.

£1300(plus) is still a significant amount of money but it's a lot less than a traditional funeral.

We didn't do it for cost reasons, we preferred the low key feel of it.

The surviving spouse claims via their benefits.

I would advise that they do anything they can to avoid a state funded 'paupers' funeral when he dies. It happened to me, I had 4 children in a DV marriage and was poor as anything. It was an horrific, soul destroying experience.

Unnecessary

I have instructed my kids that this is what I want. No church, we are not religious. Ashes scattered at a family favourite spot.

The direct to crem funerals are definitely the most economical. Yes, you don't get to attend a service, but the family could still get together and raise a glass or have a meal in her honour. I would recommend an independent funeral director or a specialised direct-to-crem company, as the corporates will be more expensive.

There are also companies that can organise specific loans for funerals. The one we used when I was a funeral arranger was Funeral Safe (funeralsafe.co.uk).

I know the Coop used to let you pay in instalments so she could do something like that if it would help .

A lot of people seem to be doing this now.
My friend’s husband recently passed away and these were his wishes too. My other friend’s mum has this in her will.
My own elderly father refuses to even discuss funerals when I bring up the subject, just simply states there is a bank account with £5000 which he thinks will be enough to cover full funerals for both him and my mum!

Thanks everyone, I’ll pass all advice on to my friend.

I heard a funeral director on the radio once talking about this. He said most people think you have to have an actual funeral service and you don’t.
He also said funeral homes are middle men, you don’t need to use them, you can arrange things yourself.
A direct cremation and a gathering is perfectly acceptable.

This happened to someone we knew and my friend and her boyfriend had to pay for the funeral and wait for the dad to pay them back (my friend wasn’t pleased).

The family will be able to attend. They are, however, unlikely to have a say in the location of the service, time it is held or the content of the service.

OP, as PP have said, it would be better for her dad to look into it, as he is NOK. He may be able to apply for a Funeral Expenses Payment via the gov.uk website.

@Carwashandthemoog she has to apply BEFORE arranging the funeral!!! do not arrange without this in place or better still let the council arrange it then they can tell her when it is.

Are you for real 😟

I’ve passed all the info over to my friend, hopefully she can sort something out.

It’s worth noting the council won’t pay for a funeral though.
Its a cremation, no service.

I should say that’s what you get with our council as they seem to be completely broke. Others may be different