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Original poster

Don't understand

13 replies

Orangegoose · 10/01/2024 11:27

I just feel like my boyfriend wants me to be crazy, has anyone else experienced this? There's been so many occasions now where he acts shady about something, I will ask questions and then he will turn it on me like 'see! I knew you would get all crazy about this.' I would understand if I was super jealous in the past, but I haven't been and I really don't mind if he has girls who are friends. Examples are, a few weeks ago he came home after a day off and I asked what he got up to that day. He said he had been out for coffee. I said oohhh nice , who with? And he was like people from work. Fun, who from work? And then he starts getting funny with me like 'why are you asking so many questions?' And I'm like 'well why are you acting all weird about it and not just saying?' And he said he isn't and I'm like 'okay well who did you go with?' And he said the girls from work. I then just get annoyed at him being all shady about it, like he would usually come through the door and say all about his day, who he'e seen etc. he wouldn't usually need all those questions to say. Then because I'm annoyed that he's acting shady, he says I'm annoyed because he went with girls, I say no I don't care that you went with them, it's that you're being weird about it? Again then questioning myself like am I being crazy?

Anyways lots of occasions like that and then last night I swear he just does it to get a reaction out of me. I know he's not cheating and wouldn't cheat, I just don't understand why he wants to create this weirdness. But last night he got a call and was like 'hi yeah you outside?' And I heard a girls voice. I was like 'who's outside?' And he said 'my lift to hockey'....I knew he had hockey and usually he would drive himself, I couldn't be bothered with the whole 'who?' So I never asked, but I just feel like he was waiting for me to ask so he could be like 'ergh I knew you would be annoyed', but I know all the girls he plays hockey with so if he had just said 'it's Shannon giving me a lift' that would of been fine? I feel like he wants to create this shadyness over nothing and I don't understand why? I just feel like I'm going a bit crazy! Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
Tighginn · 10/01/2024 12:11

I have severe trauma from two decades of this. You'll end up the crazy ex girlfriend, leave before you become a shadow of yourself.

Teasmaidavale · 10/01/2024 14:21

Ugh that sounds like hard work.. you do sound very inquisitive and keep asking questions and he keeps stoking the fire.

If you really think he isn’t cheating then stop asking for more details. I think that’s fuelling his ego and then he says ambiguous things to make you ask more questions.

stop playing into his hands, move the conversation onto something else rather than digging down into the details.

Rainbows89 · 10/01/2024 14:27

My DH does this. He doesn’t tell me stuff. Then when it comes out I feel frustrated he didn’t tell me. And then he says, see this is why I can’t tell you. It’s a fun dynamic. (Kidding. It’s not fun).

I have just been trying to work on myself and making myself feel better because my self esteem can be a bit low at times.

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Brefugee · 10/01/2024 14:28

Life's too sort. Find someone who isn't a knob

bendypines · 10/01/2024 14:38

Dump him, never stay with anyone who keeps telling you that you are 'crazy'.

Original poster
Orangegoose · 27/04/2024 13:53

I just don't know what to think/feel about this situation.
My boyfriend said to me the other day that a girl from his work messaged him in the night saying she was really upset and didn't know who else to talk to. It was all to do with an argument with her flatmate and storming out saying shes moving out.
He is friends with a lot of girls at his work and I've met them all and get on really well with them. This girl he always plays down that they only talk at work not outside of it and they aren't close.
So he told me about this message, said he was asleep so didn't see it until the morning and just replied he'll chat to her at work about it.
When he told me I just felt bad for her that she was walking around at night and didn't know who else to talk to (she ended up at her best mates flat...surely that would be her first point of call). I know of her and know she has a group of friends, so these next few days I've been thinking it's bizarre that of all the people late night upset and in a panic she wants to talk to him? It also felt weird how when he bought it up in convo it felt like he was saying it as a way of covering up if I found out if you get me?
Also to add more context she's mid 20s and he's mid 30s, not that that makes a huge difference.
I don't know whether to bring it up again and just say I don't know how comfortable I am with this girl calling you up late night for comfort?
I'm leaning towards just leaving it and see what happens, he was open with me so that's all I can ask for really, he can't exactly say 'don't call me' when he's got to work with the girl.

OP posts:
Andthereyougo · 27/04/2024 13:58

Do you really want to be living with this attention seeking drama in 5 years time, listening to the same stuff? He’s trying to make you feel jealous and go “ all crazy”
Bin him.

Original poster
Orangegoose · 27/04/2024 14:35

AIBU? What do I do next?
**
I just don't know what to think/feel about this situation.
My boyfriend said to me the other day that a girl from his work messaged him in the night saying she was really upset and didn't know who else to talk to. It was all to do with an argument with her flatmate and storming out saying shes moving out.
He is friends with a lot of girls at his work and I've met them all and get on really well with them. This girl he always plays down that they only talk at work not outside of it and they aren't close.
So he told me about this message, said he was asleep so didn't see it until the morning and just replied he'll chat to her at work about it.
When he told me I just felt bad for her that she was walking around at night and didn't know who else to talk to (she ended up at her best mates flat...surely that would be her first point of call). I know of her and know she has a group of friends, so these next few days I've been thinking it's bizarre that of all the people late night upset and in a panic she wants to talk to him? It also felt weird how when he bought it up in convo it felt like he was saying it as a way of covering up if I found out if you get me?
Also to add more context she's mid 20s and he's mid 30s, not that that makes a huge difference.
I don't know whether to bring it up again and just say I don't know how comfortable I am with this girl calling you up late night for comfort?
I'm leaning towards just leaving it and see what happens, he was open with me so that's all I can ask for really, he can't exactly say 'don't call me' when he's got to work with the girl.

OP posts:
RomeoRivers · 27/04/2024 15:19

Life’s too short. Ditch him and find someone else who doesn’t take pleasure from trying to ‘keep you on your toes’.

Damnyourheadshoulderskneesandtoes · 27/04/2024 15:26

Find a new boyfriend. He sounds like a twat and you aren't secure in the relationship.

OneThreadOnly · 27/04/2024 15:31

I don’t feel like this is the right guy for you, he seems to be playing you off against these other girls in an attempt to make you jealous and you seem quite insecure which is understandable given his behaviour.

rainbowduplo · 27/04/2024 15:52

You sound like a level headed person who wants openness in her relationship, and as someone who isn't going to overreact or play mind games I'd suggest you deserve it. Perhaps he's dated people who have made him wary of being honest, or taking people at their word? Have you tried sitting him down and saying what you're feeling? Not in the moment, but in a level headed way at a mutual time?

When I first met my husband he was still very close friends with a long term ex. In the early days of our relationship she was sexually assaulted and called him. We were meant to spend the day together, but I absolutely agreed he should go and see her and make sure she was okay. She couldn't believe I'd 'let him go'. In my experience this is what a lot of people expect partners to be like, needing to give their partner permission to speak to or be friends with other members of the gender they're sexually attracted to. But I've always acted in relationships that if you want to be with me you will be, so I don't feel the need to restrict who you see or what you do. TBF most of our friendship circle are more like this now, but in my 20's it was more usual to be suspicious. Lying can imply there's something to hide, or perhaps just that he's used to partners flying off the handle and being less trusting?

Took my husband quite a while to trust I really wasn't lulling him into a sense of false security before I went 'weird' on him, and the boyfriend before that broke up with me because he couldn't cope with the fact that I usually mean what I say and he was tying himself in knots trying to work out if he should act on what I said or the opposite of what I said which is what he'd usually do in a relationship. Perhaps it's something like that?

But if after a chat he's still not taking you at your word that if there's openness between you you're not going to restrict his social circle then maybe you two aren't the best fit?

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