My son says he's stupid

[Shithole101]

My son had autism, and a moderate language disorder. Academically he's in year 4 but working at year 1 level.

He just said to me : mummy I Need to tell you something. I said what's that . He said "I'm not smart " he says everyone in the class are more clever than him. He's at the bottom. I told him that he's super clever and everyone is different. But he won't have it. He just keeps saying he's stupid. He's becoming much more awear now.

I need to try and make him feel good about himself but on his level. I'm not sure how. Should I just keel saying well i think your amazing . And not actually look for something.

y3/4 was when my DD (not ASD as far as we are aware, but various SEN) started noticing she was struggling compared with many. Helped along by some of the other kids in the class happily pointing it out.

We used to say things like 'different people are good at different things, you are good at XXX'. But to be honest it didn't work all that well as XXX wasn't something valued/noticed in school.

Lots of praise for trying hard and any achievements.

Yes that's the problem I have with ds. It doesn't count because its not at school. I guess I just have to keep telling him he's fantastic

Worth a chat with his teacher to make sure he is praised at school. My daughter’s school do ‘star of the week’ and their class teacher says why they’ve been chosen in front of the whole school and their parents are invited. They get through the whole class by the end of the year but they never seem to twig that - it’s just a big boost to get their moment hearing how great they are. I’d also recommend a book called ‘Someone like me’ which is short biographies of famous people who are neurodiverse or have some sort of disability and yet have achieved great things - might be good to read to him one chapter per day.

Just like me

I have a child too who struggles academically. A bit older. Honestly it's so tough hearing them words! I'm honest to the point of saying school is not built for everyone, lots of people struggle ( school system expects everyone to a square but some people are circles, and that's ok).but at the same time pointing out what he is good at. I loved the most recent parents evening where rather than focus on what he was doing bad at, both me and the teacher really pointed out his strengths. Just keep repeating it, and tell him all the success stories you hear!

One day you'll become the 'inner voice' when they struggle, telling them it's ok to find something tough!

Children soon see that they are not academic compared to their friends. It is essential children who struggle at school have something they are good at outside of school. It doesn't matter what it is but it has to be something and preferably something that someone other than you will praise him for the personal quality (patience, caring, kind) that he shows as his parent unfortunately you don't count andit will help him form his identity IE I might not be smart but I am patient/ kind etc. It could be sports, it could be collecting something, reading to animals at the local animal rescue, fixing bikes and skateboards, something artsy.

What does he enjoy doing?

Praise his achievements, I’m sure you already do but really go OTT.

Did I read that Jamie Oliver struggled at school, but was saved by working in his parents' restaurant and being good at that?
Not suggesting you start a restaurant, just an example of something outside school being his salvation.

My son won't understand any of the celebrities or well known people thatvhabe had learning difficulties, autism etc. It won't mean a thing to him

I get this a lot with my son. I point out what he's good at. Over and over. That was a nice post to read @Starshine08 🙂
One of my other sons struggles socially in particular and every day he comes home and says, nobody wanted to be my friend today. We talk about what we can do to make friends.
As mums and dads all we can do is coach them best we can.
Some great suggestions from everyone here.
Older son has made friends with other autistic children. They naturally gravitated towards each other and support one another it seems.
I would talk to the teacher.

I was recommend to praise my child to another person - whilst they are within ear shot. Apparently it can be easier to receive when not directly aimed at them and also when not responsive.

Also I found this interesting https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0ht-1yBMX1/?igsh=eDJtanI4cnlqbWIw