How did you make positive changes to your life?

[Hellonewyearnewme]

I am in such a rut at the moment and I don’t know really know how to get myself out.

I am overweight, single and trying to meet someone but keep getting rejected/ghosted, dislike my job as it’s lonely and isolating, don’t do any exercise, don’t eat well. The list goes on.

I know I need to make improvements but I don’t know where to start.

Bump

I gave up alcohol not totally but cut down a lot so now I only ever drink at weddings, Christmas, birthday's and special occasions. I joined Meet up which is a free online group and found people with similar interests.

I would concentrate on food and getting out for a walk every day. What you have to remember with weight is it’s not a diet it’s changes for life. It’s readjusting what is an acceptable amount to eat. I have always eaten everything just in moderation and snacking between meals is very infrequent. At time likes Christmas when food is everywhere and I have eaten more than normal I just low carb it for a bit. Eat your meals on a very small dinner plate.

When it comes to a relationship you haven’t said what stage of life you are at.

Small and sustainable changes. Have a short walk every day. Swap one alcoholic drink for non alcoholic. Swap one sugary snack for a piece of fruit. It will boost your confidence to maintain these smaller changes. Then consider joining an activity like a choir or sports activity? And look for a new job?

You can do anything so try incorporating trying something different on a regular basis and stick with what you like and keep on trying new things.

It could be something you have never cooked before or a form of exercise you haven't tried or a nearby place you haven't been or going to a class or making something.

Do a challenge like go for a walk every day for a month or get out on a bike or hire an e scooter.

Everyone's different and you need to find what works for you. For example, re exercise, I personally wouldn't bother doing couch to 5k or joining a gym simply because 1) I don't have the time and 2) I can't be bothered and wouldn't stick to it. However, I've found what works for me - walking! It fits in to my daily routine so I don't have to find extra time. It's just become part of my day. I walk to and from work (2 miles each way), to school, to the shops etc. Whereas before I'd jump in the car, now I don't even think of using the car. It's made a huge difference to my weight. When I walk less for a period of time the pounds pile on quickly!
Another thing that worked for me was 16/8. Ridiculously easy to stick to, I'm never hungry, I eat what want, I don't calorie count. Very, very easy to lose or maintain weight.
I yoyo dieted from age 14 to 40 but now I've found what works for me in terms of weight and just feeling healthy. I'm 50 this year and just feel great thanks to walking and 16/8. Believe me, I tried everything else and nothing clicked.
So maybe the above won't work for you. Maybe low carb will be your thing or maybe you'll join a gym and it will transform your life or start body building or whatever! But don't give up. Keep trying things until something clicks.

I agree with the above poster - find your thing and exercise won’t feel like a chore!

Small steps are all that’s needed, focus on one thing at a time. What is most important to you right now? I found that when I got my weight under control and started exercising my mental health improved and I was able to start dealing with the other parts of my life I wanted to change.

I know how you feel OP.

Like the posters above, just start small. I can't recommend enough joining something that is group focussed like a running club for women or a small training group. One appeared local to me and lots of women trained up and eventually did the parkrun. They are a close bunch of women and meet up and do all sorts.

Try to blend in something that is social along with exercise. I know walking is good but it's a solitary exercise... I find if I tackle one thing, others start to fall in place (such as they eating... and then the weight). Doors will open. Xxxx

No booze and lots of walking have helped me, plus taking sleep seriously. Good sleep doesn't happen by accident! I bought all new duvets, pillows etc and a new mattress and try to have a bath before bed most nights. Also, writing a to do list for the next day helps, and having a weekly meal plan.

Thanks all. Will take these on board.

currently being ghosted by a guy who I thought liked me / I liked him. So feeling a bit shitty about that!

Any activity that gets you into a new space with new people - a "third space" besides work and home that will become familiar and part of your identity - can potentially improve several of the areas you want to change at once.

This could be taking any type of class (language, art, dance, martial arts, craft beer brewing, anything!) or joining a club or group of any kind, or volunteering with a charity, church or political party - whatever you think you might find interesting or meaningful.

When in a rut, even a small change can feel huge, or set off a chain of other changes that lead to transforming your life.

Or if you need immediate results - a different haircut today!

Tackle one small thing and importantly build it i to your existing routine.

When that is feeling more automatic, add the next thing.

Drinking more water has loads of health benefits and is easy: take a large glass up to bed and have it as the first thing every morning.

Then put an empty glass or mug by the sink in the bathroom and the kitchen. Every time you go in either room, fill and drink the glass.

Start a 3 Good Things List.
Every day write down three good things you did , no matter how small.
The good things will quickly add up and give your moral a boost!
I promise, it works!

Couple of suggestions to add to the above:

Tiny habits book by BJ Fogg might help you to get on track.

I would also recommend joining a course that Paul Mort runs called Unstoppable 28. Now, he does swear & use some colourful language but he really knows his stuff & has great success getting people on track & motivated. Look him up on Insta or FB.