People who just talk about themselves?

[Bebebaba]

I read somewhere it can be a strong indicator of neurodiversity - e.g unknowingly talking about self to try and show the other person you relate. I’ve read some threads on here before where people complain their friend is self absorbed and only talks about themselves - most people say cut the friend off, etc.

What do you think?

I do, I have ADHD. I fight it really hard though.

I do know a few people who are ND who do it though.

I work with someone like this. She drives me (and many others) insane. She can turn any conversation to one about herself. I switch off from it now, it’s so boring. I don’t even change the subject, I just give up on the conversation.

There are 2 slants to this. 1 is people who really do talk about it themselves and redirect conversation back to what they want to discuss all the time. 2 is people with poor social skills who see conversation as a rather dull tennis game, where you should ask questions back and forth in a structured and socially awkward manner, and then become annoyed when somebody else doesn’t converse that way.

If somebody is interesting and funny I can happily listen to them blather on about themselves.

I don't know... some people just love the sound of their own voice. I knew a lady who would never let you get a word in and it was all "me me me me me"... about the most boring stuff too. I had to cut her off in the end. Whether she was ND or not, I don't know, but I do know she did the heads in of ND people too.

Conversation is a two way thing, and a little bit of talking about yourself (to relate) is normal. Obviously a bit different if you are active listening though.

My daughter is autistic and can talk without getting a response for ages! My mother in law too. I think I possibly am autistic and sometimes over talk about myself - I just get caught up in whatever I'm talking about. I hope I'm not too bad though as I do have friends. I think there is definitely something in your OP though

I have ADHD and overtalk when nervous. When 1:1 with friends I'm a good listener I would say.

I think you can say when it’s neurodiversity as ND people do it very differently. They talk over you but it’s like they are not able to stop or don’t do pauses, it even looks a bit unnatural and you feel that something is not right, it’s like they are nervous or not sure how to behave (which is often the truth).
However some people are completely NT but just only interested in themselves . They do short periods of listening but they don’t ask you questions, their responses are very automatic and they are only proper engaged if it’s about them. They are selfish.

I think I am autistic (not getting far with doctors surgery and request for diagnosis - another story), and yes I am afraid I can be guilty of this. I am aware of it, and try and control it like a PP. One reason is I live a lot in my own head, and another is not being sure of questioning other people and not crossing boundaries. Having said that, I am a shop keeper and listen to people all day long, many of whom only talk about themselves. They can't all be ND.

I know a few people who do this. One is definitely ND, but I don't think the others are. One just blathers on and on, another is always waiting for an opportunity to jump in and tell you about her own similar experience and then go on about that, and another just constantly turns the conversation back to themselves.

I know a large number of people who talk about themselves incessantly.

Some are definitely or probably autistic. Others aren’t but seem to be extrovert types and very self centred . They listen if you ‘ push in ‘ to the conversation, but I really mean push, you have to be super assertive and basically interrupt them.

IME holding a conversation, where you don’t talk about yourself all the time, give the other person chances to talk but don’t interrogate them with intrusive questions, and are genuinely interested in what they have to say - is an advanced social skill and a lot of people don’t have it.

My mum does this. She just talks. It's not even a conversation. She's often just telling me about mundane conversations she's had with other people. It's just a monologue. She's only in her 50s but she's done it for years.

Even if you start talking about a different subject she'll turn it back into a monologue about something that relates to her. It's infuriating.

I have ND family members who do this and then acquaintances who are just self absorped and like the sound of their own voice. One of them phoned me once and 57 minutes into the call I had fallen asleep and they hadn't even realized because their conversation is an entire monologue. My dc found me sleeping on the chair and my phone had fallen onto the floor and she could hear my friend talking away 🤣.
Every so often she'll say "how are you/your dc?" and before I even get a chance to speak she'll tell me how things are for me/them, based on her or her dc's lives. It's utterly exhausting but I'm a mug and still answer the phone.

I can't bear being stuck with people who don't stop talking. It's a massive anxiety trigger for me. I just cant understand why the person thinks that what they are saying must be so much more important or interesting than what I might have to say. I feel out of control and panicky when another person doesn't stop talking. The effort of masking politeness nearly kills me. I have an autistic friend who doesn't converse with me but info dumps instead. It's so hard to listen to. I know they can't help it, but it makes me really uncomfortable as they can go on and on. It's making me avoid them.

There's a distinction. My ASD DD can talk and talk about her special interests. This definitely intensifies if she is anxious or can't quite work out how to mask in the situation. That comes across as quite different to someone NT who clearly can't be bothered to listen to someone else.
Some don't ask questions or enquire further when you say something, which bothers me. It's like they haven't learnt the complexities of good conversation.
Some just talk on and on about their day to day routine. I think this could be a bit ND.
Some don't listen to you at all so the conversation is all one sided.
The difference is most ND people actually do listen and take in what you say. Even if they reply with more information dumping. The NT people who blabber on generally don't care and don't listen.
That's why I have infinitely more patience with ND people who do this. Not all do.

An old friend who I’m no longer friendly with only talked about herself. In the moments I was able to interject she would tell me a relevant anecdote about herself or her daughter.
I suspect there was neurodiversity but she genuinely wasn’t nice either so I’m happier no longer having to listen to monologues about what she did at the gym.