All I seem to do is tidy/clean/life admin/earn money

[chitcatchchitterchatter]

NC
This is what my weeks look like, every week. There is always so much tidying/sorting/cleaning/life admin to do on top of working 50 hours a week. No one else in the house seems to bother doing any of it I have to have tidy/clean/sorted/organised/everything in it's place or I cannot mentally function. I WFH every day too and couldn't bear to have mess around me.
Even If I had a week off to do nothing but sort the small jobs & work through my home to-do list, I would still not get it all done.

I never used to have this much; nothing has changed in our home set up so I do not understand why there is now so much to do. Current to-do list looks like this:

Put xmas decs into loft
Sort out junk cupboard; you cannot open the door without it all falling out. This will be a half a day job
Book DD haircuts (x3) & take them
Sort out banking issues (there are several of them, I will need to go into the branch)
Chase up NHS appt
Buy new tyres for the car & arrange to fit
Sort out/tidy/clear garage as now cannot get into it & go to tip
DD needs new shoes
DD(12) room is a total tip - help clean/sort/tidy/bin/charity shop run
Plan & buy for my sisters birthday. This includes booking the evening plans/dinner etc
Order new tesco club card key fobs
I have a hair appt booked this month
Every day update the home finances spreadsheet - check bank/credit card balances and update the file. Daily budgeting for next month, including daily energy smart meter balance check & any credit card balances due for pymt next month
Go to school meeting (eve)

.. on top of working 50 hours a week and doing the cleaning/laundry and making time to see friends & family and going to the gym/gym classes

Am I giving myself too much work ? DH sees there is nothing to be done, even if I mention all of the above.

Just to add - DH does not see any of this as a priority, hence he won't do any of it as ''it's not important''. He has previously sorted the garage with me, it took a whole day together. He would happily live in a sh*t pit. I have to have an organised house for an organised mindset or I cannot function. I also cannot rest/chill until all I can do from the list, or as much has been done as far as possible for the day

Why are doing everything - divide it between you and DH. Finance stuff we discuss together once at month - takes 10 minutes. Laundry - whenever the basket is full, whoever sees it pops it in the washing machine/dryer.
Your 12 year can sort out her own room - she should be embarrassed at her age not keeping it tidy - no friends visit until it’s done.
Your DH can buy the school shoes whilst taking DD for their haircuts. You can do a tip run on the way to buy your sister’s birthday present.

No advice but this is me too and I’m on the verge of burnout. DH also pulls weight. I feel like a constant failure who spends no quality time with the kids.

Some of that stuff seems overkill , do you really need to track daily smart meter readings etc ? Key fobs for Tesco would take seconds etc

jusy looking through your list there are definitely some things on there you should be able to devolve to your DH - I would put him in charge of decs into lift, tyres, for a start. Ditch the daily spreadsheet, that sounds like overkill - your online account should allow you to export an excel file with them all on.

Why are you organizing your sister's birthday dinner? Surely she can do that herself or her partner, if she has one?

You sound like a very organized person, which is a quality I admire! But there are things on that list that could be delegated to others. Your 12 year old daughter is old enough to clean her room. DH can do the Xmas decs, do car tires and take things to a charity shop. If you don't want DH to do new shoes and haircuts, then could you do that all in one day with your daughters?

@Hollyhead DH refuses to go into the loft as he is scared to climb the ladder (roll eyes). He wont sort the tyres as he has anxiety around leaving the house. Sisters bday I am organising a gift from all of us siblings, I will buy (the others will give me the money), wrap, sort card, book dinner etc. I've set up a whatsapp group to exclude my sister and am currently trailing ideas on the group etc note it's me putting the ideas out there, making suggestions etc
tesco key fob yes is 5 mins but it all just adds up
I also have amazon parcels to drop of to amazon locker
Junk cupboard DH just says 'I dunno what to do with it all' if he is left to sort alone. Same with garage. He has previously binned important stuff.

So he won’t go into the loft as he’s scared of the ladder, and he’s also too anxious to go outside? There’s your problem right there. What help is he seeking for this debilitating anxiety?

@chitcatchchitterchatter - does your DH have a job?

Has your DH seeked any help?

@Parker231 yes he works from home as an IT specialist. he can leave the house but often prefers not to as it really can set off his anxiety.

@Deathbyathousandcats he wont get any help for his condition

Ridiculous
Tesco key fob can be ordered faster than posting on NM!

Take him with you to do the tyres then next time he may feel comfortable to do it alone

Is there a particular reason you’re checking the finances daily? I might check my banking app daily but wouldn’t be then updating a separate spreadsheet. That could be consolidated monthly from your bank statements if necessary.

@Deathbyathousandcats he wont get any help for his condition

he’s a dead weight on you then. I can’t imagine anything will ever improve for you with his attitude.

Also, the sister’s birthday. Surely you could just send a message saying you’re at your limit in terms of organising and now you’ve put some ideas out there could one of the other siblings please book it?

I get it, you’re seen as the organiser of things so people will assume you’re happy to do it until you tell them otherwise. So tell them.

Outsource as much as you can
Get rid of your useless husband - you might even find that universal credit pays as much as he costs anyways
cut your working hours down
Go and do something you enjoy once a week

With two adults working full time and three kids I think you need to be working effectively as a team with DH and he needs to be pulling his weight with the housework and the kids. Is he?

A lot of this stuff wouldn't even make a to do list for me, things like buying a gift and booking a restaurant for dinner, won't you just do that online? Tossing Christmas decorations in boxes and up to the attic took me about 15 minutes one evening. You can cross key fobs off your list in about 30 seconds.

Admittedly other stuff like kids haircuts and new tires are more time consuming. These are jobs that my husband would do, he's always the one to take our son to the hairdressers and sort car repairs. We'd tackle big jobs like a garage together. I think the problem is your husband sounds useless, was he always like this?

I do all of the same admin and life chores but I'm a single widowed parent, I don't work 50 hours though, I work between school drop offs.one last chore for you, write up a fair and balanced 50/50 chore list for your husband. Also do a rota to get the kids involved in small tasks . Don't be a martyr it's foolish

If he’s working from home he can do the laundry before work, lunchtime, after work. If he won’t get any help for his condition, he’ll need to do things outside the home. He can make hair appointments, garage etc from home and go at the weekend to get them done.

You have two issues here:

1. You need to delegate some of this stuff and stop making work for yourself. Your 12 year old can clean her own room - motivate her as required (carrot/stick, whichever you think will work best). Tell one of your other siblings that they're responsible for sorting your sister's birthday this year. Why do you need to do a daily financial tracker spreadsheet - this just sounds like busy work?
2. Your husband sounds like dead weight. His anxiety is stopping him from being an active participant in your household and is dumping everything on you. He needs to get treatment and try to get better so that he can function properly and if he isn't prepared to do that then why do you want to be married to a freeloader? What would he do if you were suddenly gone or incapacitated?

Incredible isn't it what we do just to keep the house ticking over on a day to day basis. Add to that the pets....ordering specific foods and medication, vets visits, arranging dentists etc etc.
I bet when you sit down and reflect you'll realise that yours isn't even a complete list.

So many women just getting on with things as a line of least resistance.

Incidentally what does the OH do when he has to leave the house for a dental appt? He needs to get over himself and sort himself out! Poor excuse for a man and not a partner. A millstone round your neck!

Make a comprehensive list, sit the family down and tell them how things are going to change. Withdraw your children's privileges until they comply.

I'm a lone parent so all life admin falls to me and can't imagine doing that much stuff daily.

Is checking banking apps daily a necessity? I have direct debits set up for everything including my credit card, I only check it towards the end of the month to make sure I'm not heading into my overdraft. I never bother checking my smart meter balance either, what's the point unless you really need to budget for energy. That bill is just paid by direct debit and I check the statement when it arrives once a month.

No "junk cupboard" in my house. I don't keep anything unnecessary, it all gets chucked away immediately.

DS 15yo is completely responsible for his own bedroom, his stuff so he can sort it!

I've just got home from work. I'm doing nothing tonight apart from cooking a ready made bolognese which just needs heating up.

You can get mobile tyre people to come to you. Get DH to sort that