He loves us (me & DC) unconditionally. He is dependable, loyal and safe. He makes sure we know that.
He works hard at his job (as do I) and does a decent chunk of the household workload.
He is intelligent, loves music & art and loves to laugh.
He isn't a bastard, and I don't want to leave him.
But,,,sometimes I do :(
He is a typhoon of noise. Constant nose blowing, gulping, slurping, farting, burping, inane chatter, singing, sniffing
He smokes & he smells that way
He makes really basic dad jokes
He spends all his spare time doing nothing.
He operates as a satellite to the family. Me & DC are one unit and we plan accordingly. I manage the mental load of blending his diary with the family diary.
Our children have various needs that I manage more than he, partly because they emotionally connect to mum rather than dad and lean on me for that support.
All the things I originally fell in love with him for: his laid back nature, the way he allows me to just be me and his confident unapologetic character are now the things that I find challenging. They now feel like, laziness, disinterest in mine & the children's lives & self-centredness.
He hasn't ever changed. My attitude to him has. This is not his fault.
Of late, I love him most when we are apart. I love how we talk on the phone & WhatsApp.
But when we are together I just find his presence irritating.
We try date nights, and they are a 50/50 of being fun or being a let down. We don't have many common interests as we've aged.
He knows some of the above, either in anger when we argue or reasonably when we sit after and talk. And to his credit he always does try to be more involved & present - it's just not in his nature. He's person who loves his own company above all else.
I want to enjoy the rest of my life with him. But I'm finding it harder and harder to get past how irritating I find him day to day.
Has anyone else encountered this and have words of advice?