Angry at life

[Mumneedsacoffee]

I lost my dad a few years ago and life hasn't been the same, he was my whole world and loved me so much. Since he's passed I've been angry with the world, and I'm usually the happy, giving, loving person my dad was but I feel angry and bitter.
There are two reasons I feel this way and I just need some help in understanding what I can do and if I'm being unreasonable.
Firstly, are my in laws. I don't have any other family on my side now I've lost my dad and they do not help an ounce. I said last year I was struggling with my mental health and relationship and that I need some help and they had our kids for a sleep over one night and that was all. However, their other grandchildren are looked after, taken from place to place at the drop of a hat. My partner says just ask, but why should I? Why should I beg for them to want to see my kids when my dad died craving to have more time with them. I wouldn't mind but in the last 11 years my kids have slept at theirs twice. I know I need their help but I can't believe they care so little about their grandchildren and my mental health.
My second moan is that my partner doesnt make me feel loved and I tell him it affects my self-esteem but he doesn't think he should be blamed. I get it , I do but I'm not asking for much. He never says I look nice before a night out .. ever. He rarely holds my hand in public, he is so comfortable I just don't think he thinks he should even bother. We've been together since we were 18 and were still not married, another thing he really isn't bothered about but it bothers me.
i wouldn't mind, but last year I was in my best shape I worked hard to keep In shape and still he didn't say I looked nice. I honestly feel so low and down and I don't know what to do. I have no family to talk to, I asked for help last year from his family, I told him how I felt and I even tried to get myself looking skinnier for the love I craved, but nothing transpired. I hope someone can help because I am at an all time low 🙏 my dad loved me so much and was there for me through everything and I wonder If I feel this way because of the huge loss I have encountered

Have you had any counselling to help you deal with the loss of your dad? Your DP and inlaws don’t sound the best, it must be so difficult for you, maybe talking through the loss of your dad with people who understand will help with feeling angry and bitter
Your relationship issues are a whole other matter tbh. What do you get out of your relationship?
https://www.cruse.org.uk/

For a while I've just pretended he hasn't died, I suppose ive been in denial ,as it's too hard to process. I have been for hypnotherapy for anxiety most recently. I am usually kind and generous but I just feel at an all time low and I've said how I've felt but feel helpless. Thank you for your kind message!

@Mumneedsacoffee I was extremely close to my father as well so understand how you feel. He was mistreated by my mother so I still feel a bit bitter about that as I think he deserved miles more 😳

In laws sound a bit rubbish but it's unlikely they'll change. As pp mentioned cruse are brilliant, I hope you get as good a counsellor as I did.

Think you should focus on yourself and things that make you happy. The pain will always be a part of you but it's a tribute to your father.

Why isn't your DP stepping up? Why is he telling you to ask his own family to help with his own children? 🤨

I think grief counseling sounds a good idea, you can call cruse and talk to them, they sometimes can give free sessions but their helpline is always free.

I'm so sorry for your loss, grief is very hard, but with support you can start to feel less raw

Thank you all for your kind comments. I haven't really thought about counselling, however I think the way things are right now I have nothing to lose. I can access some through work and will give cruise a call.
Yes, maybe spending sometime on myself may help my self-esteem. I just want to feel loved . My partner is wonderful and kind and very attentive but, he doesn't tell me he loves me or makes me feel that's he's attracted to me which knocks my confidence. I've said how I've felt but nothing changes, he says but I do love you! 😂