Autistic women assemble! #3

[Nepmarthiturn]

This is a thread for autistic women to connect, chat, vent, laugh, share and seek advice and solidarity (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

Any autistic women newly finding the thread are very welcome to join us (even if awaiting diagnosis) but we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please…

Previous threads:

1

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4777843-autistic-women-assemble

#2
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4865805-autistic-women-assemble-2

It’s the people I don’t know well I need to stop doing it with

Yes! This!

Yep this past week I've overshared with a boss and colleagues as I'm grappling with a decision and just wish I hadn't.

I like to give all relevant information. And be honest and open and then.... It happens.

Only just seen this thread pop up in active. Checking in.

Oh god yes to giving all the relevant information. I just had to stop myself doing that in Vinted. Selling something on behalf of DH and was explaining to the buyer that I’d let them know later if I could accept their offer. No Getout this complete stranger doesn’t need to know why you can’t ask your husband right then. But the compulsion was strong!!

Hi all, checking in. I was diagnosed two years ago. A huge turning point in my life. It’s allowed me to begin self acceptance, self care, and to begin to look back at my childhood with more understanding.

Two daughters, (levels 1 and 2 diagnoses).

My diagnosis came through the well-known route of ‘hey my kids are autistic and I’m just like them….’ I went to Sarah Hendrickx for mine. Has anyone else had their (non clinical) diagnosis through Sarah Hendrickx?

Also am oversharer here. Sometimes I'll be having a perfectly nice conversation with a near total stranger and then right near the end - bam! Total awkwardness and I leave thinking "whyyyyy did I have to say it? Why couldn't I stop?".
Does it make it worse that I'm quite face blind and I know I won't recognise the person again, no matter how mortified I made myself or how many hours I agonize over what I said later (though I do this a lot less than I used to, since diagnosis)?

Oh I'm faceblind too and now when I run groups it's part of the things I say at the beginning.

And I'm so open about it when I meet people. I used to hide it and feel so embarrassed.

I've got an interview coming up for a job and I'm so overwhelmed with all the trying to imagine what it would be like/if I could do the job/what it's actually like in practice I'm not sleeping.

Any interview tips.

Also do many of you work fulltime? I'm realising increasingly uncommon for ND people to manage ft work and I'm wondering whether I could or not.

@Getoutgetout

Well done for compiling the list. All the best for your GP appointment. I sincerely hope she/he is receptive in making the assessment referral.

It's a development action plan

Thanks @Clarice99 I’m hoping that it will also help as both my daughters are diagnosed. I’ll make that appointment asap. I wish I could afford to go privately. I’d love to go to the Lorna wing centre but I’m not working at the moment as the children need so much support.

I suffer from face blindness too…not completely but I find it hard if eg two white men with short dark hair are in a film. So hard. I think I rely a lot on hair to help me learn who is who.

another thing I struggle with is noticing changes in appearance eg if my husband has a hair cut or shaves.

on the full time working I did work full time until I had children and I hope to do so again. My career has been littered with changes though as I attempted to find something I could do well at and progress. I’m always terrified of saying the wrong thing so I clam up and don’t say anything and could never progress to a more senior role. I’m hoping that with my understanding of who I am I can find a better fit.

I wish I had followed a deep interest instead of desperately trying to please my mum and do things I thought I should do.

@ThreeBeanChilli I’m pretty good at interviews. My strategy is to prep answers to questions you might be asked. Also write down the best things you’ve done and try to cross match so in your practised answered you are covering them off.

Also you can say “does that answer your question or would you like me to elaborate” if you’re worried about over talking or not talking enough

have a question to ask them prepared

it’s fine to say “can I have a moment to think about that” if you need to think about an answer

remember to talk about what you did not “we” if some things are team effort

@ThreeBeanChilli and good luck!

And this weekend's "some people are more autistic than others" thread is:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5108596-autism-rate-unbelievable

Mind you, the OP isn't getting it all her own way.

Argh. Why did I look at that thread?

I've reported it to MNHQ but I bet it'll stay there.

It's exhausting.

I would like to introduce myself and join you in this group. I have made a big step forward these past couple of weeks, as I spoke to a doctor, then a more in depth appointment with a very friendly mental health nurse, and he (the MHN) is submitting my forms and information to go on the pathway to an autism diagnosis. I know it might take 2 years or maybe more, but I don’t mind, I am just happy to have taken the next step. I went to a doctor about ten years ago, a few years after I realised I was probably autistic, and they sort of put me off going forward for diagnosis, which I have since regretted. But I really need this for myself, and for my family, particularly my daughter who is also autistic, and my long suffering husband!

I identify with a lot of what has been said above. I have face blindness - I can’t visualise or describe my mum’s face, and I see her at least weekly, and I often don’t recognise people in programmes when they change their clothes (watching TV dramas I’m like ‘is that the same person who…’) I struggle with work, and especially with interviews (great advice above, thanks, I might make a note of those tips). I feel like I am starting to accept myself more rather than blame myself for not managing normal situations (such as my children talking, laughing, screeching in the car). Anyway, thanks for the group, and it is good to have a safe sub-space within mumsnet. I have been reading ‘neurodiverse mumsnetters’ forum since it started and it is a shame it isn’t just neurodiverse mumsnetters!

Hello @AnotherBrightSunrise and welcome to the thread.

Hi @AnotherBrightSunrise I’ve also recently joined the thread and I’m not diagnosed yet. I’m making a GP appointment tomorrow hopefully. Well done for your progress.

I’m also trying to now be kinder to myself. There’s been times when I’ve really lost it with my kids eg prolonged screaming in the car and although I’m honestly a wonderful mother 99% of the time, I’m starting to recognise that I’ve possibly been having meltdowns and then I’ve been so so hard on myself. It’s awful.

I have loop earplugs now which help a lot with noise btw. Highly recommend.

I don’t know if anyone relates to this but I thought I had CPTSD (shit childhood) and that I was having emotional flashbacks. I’m now thinking that these flashbacks were meltdowns. I hoping that an assessment will finally unpick this for me so I can understand my brain a bit more.

Yup I used to rule out ND as shit childhood and I know trauma can look similar.

I hope my parents didn't just find me difficult. I really wasn't. But then I find my autistic kids hard and they're not being difficult...

Hi, I've been thinking about posting here for a while. A year or so ago a couple of friends told me they were autistic and when I read up on what that meant I recognised a lot of the traits (if that is the right word) in myself. Since then I've been reading a lot about autism in women. I've done a lot of the tests that are available online. At one point I read up quite obsessively about the mean and standard deviations of AQ50 scores in autistic and NT people in an attempt to work out what my own scores indicated.

Antway, I wanted to ask for views on the "non clinical" assessment offered by Sarah Hendrickx? I've read on her website what she says this means. But is it worthwhile and valid do you think? (I suppose I'm particularly concerned about how valid it is.)

Thanks

I can't see the point of a non clinical assessment. It would be just the same as self assessment really wouldn't it.

I'm going to speak to go Wednesday but I have a job interview as well so not prepared for either 😳

I can't see the point of a non clinical assessment. It would be just the same as self assessment really wouldn't it.

I agree with @ThreeBeanChilli

Essentially, self-identification for £750. A total waste of money. Why would anyone pay for this? I don't understand.

@emiliaofnewmoon I found my non-clinical diagnosis from Sarah Hendrickx very helpful. I disagree that it’s just like self-diagnosis. She’s a respected expert in the field of autism and in autism in women.

I went for it as I didn’t want to wait for an NHS diagnosis, and didn’t want to pay the £2k for a private clinical diagnosis. She took a developmental history from me, and we had an online interview. I was able to discuss with her some of the issues particular to me (so helpful in itself), and I have come out the other side with my self esteem restored, after years of feeling like a failed horse (rather than a successful zebra - if you know the saying).

I can understand the frustration from diagnosed autistic people who have struggled for years that they think people can just call themselves autistic, but gate keeping can do no good, and all we can do is accept that each person has their own journey, and to be compassionate towards one another.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts. @Shufflingby did Sarah herself do your assessment?

Also I really like the horse/zebra analogy. I've not heard that before.