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Friend's presents for my dc

8 replies

trynumber · 06/01/2024 12:07

I haven't got many friends left since dc. My older friends had kids earlier so they are at a different stage of life, I guess.
There's one friend, who I have also felt I supported when she had children more than ten years ago - I was there for her daily rants, offering babysitting, and just being there when she struggled.

Anyway, I moved further away a few years ago so she doesn't really see my dc (who was born since I moved). We are not too far but she's not keen on meeting up. Our phone calls are much more infrequent than when her dc were young. She does send presents to him however, which I appreciate.

And it will sound ridiculous, because she's pretty much the only one of my old friends who remembers my dc on his birthday/ Christmas but I'm really surprised by her choice of presents for him.
Every single toy was a Temu/ Ali express item, hardly English translation on the box, and not always CE certified. I am being a toy snob, but I just don't want my child playing with things that are not properly certified/ are not robust enough for young children.

The worst things is I do remember her often ranting about people buying crap presents for her children and how she spends £30 for a present to take to a birthday party but gets cheap things in return and her kids don't play with poor quality presents... I probably did advice at the time to stick to a smaller budget, and I do think it's not about spending a lot of money. She can get a little orchard tree game for about £3-5 if or a story book from Asda? Knowing her tastes (she does most of her shopping at M&S), it's a bit hard not to take her choice for my dc personally, to be honest.

Would you say anything or just accept that it's the thought that counts?
It's just such a waste imo... Is there a tactful way of bringing this up with her?

OP posts:
cutlery · 06/01/2024 12:12

When it comes to next birthday or Christmas say to her not to do presents and you're going to stop as money is tight

trynumber · 06/01/2024 12:21

@cutlery The thing is dc loves getting a present from mummy's friend - we already have such a small circle of people around us. I don't want him to lose on that one person who thinks of him...
He doesn't actually know her, as he was a baby when we last met, so not sure if I am unreasonable.

OP posts:
Prinnny · 06/01/2024 12:27

I’m not sure you can challenge someone because you’re not happy with the quality of a gift they’ve chosen. If you did I don’t think it will do the friendship any favours. Like what would you even say? She may buy her own children things from these sites so may feel judged by you.

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Spirallingdownwards · 06/01/2024 12:28

YABU. You don't know her financial circumstances currently and you should definitely be going on the thought that counts. You were closer friends in the past but simply put you aren't now. You are someone she used to know.

BasiliskStare · 06/01/2024 12:37

I think you are over egging it to take the presents personally. If you don't see each other lot but she still sends birthday and Christmas presents I would just be grateful. If she has sent similar in the past and you haven't said anything then she probably thinks they are OK. if you speak on the phone nearer to the time you could suggest an inexpensive story book etc. If it the waste you hate then just agree not to do presents.

Thegoodbadandugly · 06/01/2024 12:38

Just be grateful that she got your child a present. If you don't want taat then say to stop present buying.

trynumber · 06/01/2024 12:45

I do send e vouchers on her teens' birthdays and have been buying for them for years.

I'm part grateful and part disappointed of her choices for my dc (and not because they are inexpensive).

But, fair comments - thank you!

OP posts:
Avacardo2023 · 06/01/2024 14:23

Tell your friend you don't want to do presents anymore, stop sending vouchers for her teens and then buy your DC a suitable present with some of the money you would have spent. If he doesn't know her you can still pretend the present is from her for a couple of years. When he starts school he will get gifts from school friends and parties so he won't care about the additional gift by then.

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