Feel uneasy about being asked curious questions at work...

[Firsttimeinforeve]

It didn't affect me at the time but its actually given me a lot of anxiety today and I don't know why.

I'm currently 2 months into an agency placement in a really nice work place. Everyone is friendly but professional and no one seems to gossip much.

I was chatting to a colleague and the topic of children came up. I said I had 3 and they said they didn't have none. Nothing much came from that convo.

I have gone back to work after 2 weeks off and during the work day the colleague randomly asks me how many bedrooms I have. I say 2 and they say but what about all your children? I explain that my children have the big bedroom and share it and its fine the bedroom is the size of a sitting room.

Later on that day, after lunch breaks, they ask me how old I am. I tell them I'm 31 and they say oh that's alright then. I asked why and they said, well to be honest a few of us were discussing you upstairs during lunch and before you told me you had children ( which was over a month ago) I thought you were 24.

I feel like I've become a bit of gossip for the regular staff, whereas I thought I was just doing my work and going home.

On the surface these could be seen as innocent questions but I would never ask someone that I barely know how many bedrooms they have.

Am I over thinking this? I feel judged and its putting me off working there.

Yeh, colleague rumbled! She basically announces ''we were gossiping about you''. cos it was nothing relevant to work! Just speculating on your age!

"Why do you want to know that?"
"Do you mind if I don't answer that?"
"I prefer to keep my private life separate from work"
Or, "I felt very uncomfortable to hear you had been discussing my age and my children. Why so interested? ...are you judging me?"

Deirdre, you seem very interested in my home life! It's not that interesting. Shall we get back to work?
I'm disappointed. I didn't think this was a gossipy place
Why do you want to know? Seriously, why do you want to know? And repeat..

I think its inevitable if you are new unfortunately. The asking direct questions is very rude though, that colleague was desperately trying to put you in a box and you weren't fitting! I'd just answer politely with minimal information and respond 'what about your house / holidays / parents..'

I would tell each of them completely false and contradictory things... you now have 5 children, you're engaged to someone, you're divorced... see how long it takes for them to get first confused, and then pissed off cos they've been busted as gossipers.

Really rude of the colleague to say these things to you, but to be honest, I can imagine having a conversation with work friends speculating someone's age if something they had said surprised me. However, that conversation would remain firmly between work friend and me and I would never pry in such a way.

I'd take the compliment that they thought you were 24 out of this.

Yeah, even if you want to keep things private, gossips still try and get an angle on you. One of the many things I hate about working in an office.

Yep, all of these are good.They’re awful gossipy nosy parkers, and the more details they get the more they’ll want. Then they’ll go off to their lair and speculate on all sorts of nonsense. Call them out!

She's clearly the designated office nosey parker. You could have some fun with that. 😂

People are nosy about their colleagues, I'm afraid. I think I'd turn it back on them "well how old are you?! How many bedrooms do you have?" etc. I think they'll soon get the message that it's irritating.

I think you're being weird OP.

They're just curious.

Age and kids is fine but the bedroom question is really weird.

Unfortunately you don't want to get lumbered with having to think of witty comebacks. so I think you have to play it straight with a deadpan expression and close it down with:

"Does it matter?"
"I don't know"
"I don't want to say"
"I'm a private person"

Body language also turn partially away, don't smile.

I think people will talk and to talk about a colleagues age or kids is fine, to speculate on where a colleagues children sleep is not fine!

'I don't really want to get into this'

^^ is a favourite of mine to close down nosiness.