Objectively, is parenting harder the more kids you have?

[Yellofello]

Just that really. I see so many stressed families around these days and understand there will be other factors as to why. Everyone I know who has chosen to have one DC (or indeed child free) seems markedly less stressed, with more free time. I know they grow up and imagine it would be nice to have multiple adult kids coming home for Christmas and to share lives with but there’s a long 20 years to get to that point, where most families these days need 2 working adults besides will be having kids older and retiring later.

Personally I’ve found 2 easier than 1. My eldest is very needy and loves attention. Fortunately my DC2 loves to give it to him. They play loads together and it’s lovely. If I’d just had DC1 it would have been much more work for me.

I only have two but going from one to two is easier than going from none to one. Mine are older teens now and it’s a pile of piss. Take them to their clubs and drive them and their mates about. Feed and cloth them but not stressful in anyway.

No, I don’t find it more stressful.

Depends on the children, depends on the parents.

If you want to hothouse 4 children into Oxbridge, of course it is. If you want an easy life putting no pressure on your DC and letting them largely raise themselves, maybe not.

4 is much easier than 1. dd1 was a horror show. I had awful PND, she was premature and then had the worst colic and allergies so would not sleep ever more than an hour up until 10 months. I was on my own with her.

It felt like an absolute dream having dd2, the absolute opposite. I think having the twins really settled us all though.

They're now 15,13,9,9 and pretty damn easy.

My dr fairly often asks how I'm always so calm, easy, don't become a gp 😀

I have no children and absolutely love my time being my own to do what I want whenever I want.
Having children is a lifestyle choice.
I sometimes wonder if I'll be lonely in old age, but there's no guarantee even if I'd had them, that they would be living close by or willing to spend time with me.
I'll fulfill my life with friends and my own interests.
I've seen so many stressed out parents, it's just not for me I guess.

My two are early teens. They fight. All. The. Time. And have done for years. Probably from day 1 actually when the 18 month old tried to eat the newborn.

So yes my life would be significantly less stressful with only one.

Course it is. Unless you let the older ones bring up the younger ones.

I had four and found the opposite: we became more experienced and therefore, more relaxed with each child. Parenting became easier despite obviously having more to do.

I had four and found life better for it - the kids entertained each other and family events were more fun. Now they're grown up, they are all best friends and very supportive of each other. They all have their own lives, but we do a lot of things together, and the next generation are growing up with lots of cousin relationships. Parenting four meant everything was less intense and that was helpful.

But so much was harder - getting everyone ready and out when they were younger, manic evenings when something wasn't right, exhaustion when any of them was ill, all arrangements so much harder if they needed to be in different places, times where they seemed to bicker constantly, teenage angst ...

Depends on the kids, I think, I find 5yo DD and baby DS as a combo much easier than baby or toddler DD was on her own. Partly DS is an easier baby and partly I’m a more experienced and relaxed mum (no more using an app to log every feed, nap and nappy-so long as he’s eaten slept and pooped at some point I assume he’s fine lol)

Currently have 3 teens and a 9yo at home.
Older dc left home. Never sweat the small stuff...long time since...

Yes. More children is harder. There is just more to do. More loads of laundry. More sandwiches to make. More places to go. More decisions with more layers.

I've found it to be the opposite, out of all the families I know. Those with more children appear to be less stressed. In fact the least stressed mum I know has 6 children, all very close in age (and no the oldest didn't raise the youngest, and they all had various hobbies and 1 on 1 time). I have 3, which I do fine hard going, but 2 have autism so it was always going to be more stressful.

I think it must be surely. They’ll all unique individuals with their own personalities and needs. It’s easier in some ways as you learn not to sweat the small stuff, embrace the chaos, they play with each other etc but each of them still bring individual challenges and worries. Then there’s juggling bedtime, reading, homework, activities, getting everyone dressed, making sure each has enough 1 on 1 time etc etc (mum of 3, love it and wouldn’t change it, other than maybe to have a 4th!)

Yes, I think so because multiple children will sometimes have conflicting needs, and will go through difficult phases at different times.

I have three DC. It was hard when they were little, especially when I had 3 under 4 including a non sleeping baby. DC3 was also a trickier toddler than the other two. Now they're teens and it's hard because they're all really sporty, which is great but means lots of lifts to training and matches. So I agree with you OP. I do like a busy life though!

How can there be an objective answer? Every family is different, I have more than one child and have never found it stressful but it would be daft to extrapolate that to even one other person never mind everyone

It depends what you find hard - I mean obviously the more you have the more lunches to make, friends to keep track of, snotty noses to wipe - but I’ve also found 2 easier than 1 in that they play together most of the time so they need me less. I also think most people with really big families of 5,6,7 kids are the type who enjoy parenting, or at least don’t find it stressful. Personally I find 2 my limit!

Depends on your temperament and the children. I have 3 and I would say 2 is possibly the sweet spot. 1 often requires more parental input, 2 creates some.in-built entertainment and 3 stretches you as there are more children than adults! I'm happy with my gang and would say that much of that relates to the generally pleasant nature of my children, hands on husband and ex husband supportive family and plenty of money. If any one of those was different I can see how I might be tipped beyond what feels comfortable. I outsource things like cleaning, joining and the garden which frees me up to give everyone my care and attention. I work full time by choice l although was part time and sahm at various points. Having real choice in if and how you work is the biggest game changer. On my opinion it is what we should be aspiring to as a society so that we can support and value families building strong foundations...especially in the early years. This looks different for everyone, but too many people are forced to work at a time when their children are small and they wpuld prefer some time out or pt work.

Mine are 4 and 2 and I find it stressful as they have different needs/requirements. Like if I go to the park it's difficult to manage both...

We have 5 and now that they are teens it’s a breeze !
It’s great as we enjoy activities together like skiing , theme parks , water parks etc .
They have always been pretty self sufficient and I never did things for them that I felt they could do themselves. In my mind this breeds confidence.
So parenting teens is easy in my opinion. Was very hard when all 5 were under 8 .
I lost a decade ……

I think it is definitely more stressful the more you have.

Wow 5 teens! Although it’s great to hear that it’s a breeze, gives me some hope 😄

Also think it depends on the child . I know many with two who have had much more stressful parenting times so I don’t think it’s as simple as ‘more is harder’ !