Not coping with life

[ConnorCope]

my relationship is falling apart around me, I’m not sure if DP can actually stand the sight of me. he seems very unhappy and I feel like I’m just ignoring all the signs that really he isn’t that arsed about me

i hate being a mum- yes I love my DS, wouldn’t want a single thing to happen to him and try to give him the nicest life but I have 0 patience and every single day I count down to the day till he leaves him(he’s 11). Then he goes to bed and I feel guilty and cry that I’m such a horrible mother to think these things. He’s no real trouble but I have to ask him over and over to do stuff and it’s unbearable at times

DP is not the father of DS but has been in his life for 7 years. DS has a very involved father who he sees 3 nights a week so DP has never had to fill that role but I’ve noticed recently how disjointed they are from eachother. DP is nothing but kind to DS but I left them in the kitchen last night whilst they had tea and I tidied up the hall and they didn’t speak a word to eachother

I’m letting my friendships slide, I just cannot be bothered to reply which is bad because they’re lovely friends

my job is stressful and I’m barely getting through the day, feel like I should go off sick (I’m a nurse so very highly charged) but then DP works from home so what’s the point. I’ll just been sat there with him

car is knackered, lucky enough to have one on order but it’s taking forever and a new noise is starting up daily. No money to fix it

we’ve just moved into a new house (2 months ago) and I feel so silly that all this is happening and embarrassed that it’s all falling apart. Life just doesn’t seem to be working for me currently and every day I wake up and wonder what would happen if I just ran away? As in really, what would anyone do?

im not really looking for advice because I know I should end my relationship but I do truly love DP and obviously DS is my world and everyone hates their job and everyone has money worries. But it’s all so draining 😭

Sorry to read you’re feeling like this. Sounds like depression (I know because I’ve had it and I will no doubt have it again). I am on a low dose of anti-depressants and that has really helped. I also had talking therapy for a while at the worst point and that also was useful.

Thank you for working as a nurse - people like you in such an important role don’t get enough thanks. I can appreciate it must be such a hard job so it’s hardly surprising it gets you down sometimes.

Regarding your son - I know it’s hard work and all 3 of mine have to be asked/reminded numerous times to do each little thing I ask of them. On occasion I have written them a non-negotiable list of things they must do (sometimes with deadlines written on eg fully dressed and ready by 9am daily, bed made by 9 etc etc) and attached to this a reward (eg pocket money) or a consequence (much less/no timed screen time). This requires the luxury of time and some headspace to do though but it has helped. Kids just need training up and unfortunately it does take time and patience, which is harder to have if you feel you have relationship problems and if you have a challenging job etc.

re the friends thing - focussing on yourself, getting anti-ds if the doctor thinks it is a good idea, getting out in nature etc, might help you to feel more positive and then want to socialise again which would hopefully help, if they’re nice friends.

hope you find a way forward soon to regain your happiness

Is there any chance your dp is depressed too? It might not be falling apart.

what things would you enjoy/what would make you happy? Is there any way you could find time to prioritise doing those things in? That would be good for your dp to do for himself too. Even if it’s just a good book or a new Netflix series or a swim or walk. You deserve to do things that make you happy especially as your work is dedicated to helping others!

Could the dark and gloomy weather and the winter dark season be having an impact too?