How confident are you? Is this a normal level of confidence?

[Tacocatgoatcheesepizza]

I am a very unconfident person, I don’t trust in my ability to be good at things at all and I am terrified of failing which doesn’t help! I know that I sit more at one end of the spectrum of confidence!

DH is going to be made redundant this month. He is by far the highest earner so this is problematic although we are fortunate that money won’t be an immediate concern, we have a few months in savings. He is super confident in his ability to get a new comparable or better job. I am far more stressed about it than he is. He is very good at his job but has been in the same industry for his entire working life and there will not be similar jobs available in this industry, he will have to look outside for the first time ever. He seems perfectly relaxed about it and is sure that he will find a good job.

Is this a normal level of confidence or is he falling at the other end of the spectrum? I find it very hard to judge.

He is confident, definitely, but as to whether he is over confident it very much depends on the reality of his situation. Why is he so confident he can easily get another job? Has he been looking at what's advertised already? Does he know that he has all the skills and experience that are usually asked for in adverts for his kind of role? Does he have a back up plan if he doesn't find a permanent role immediately- so, is he thinking of contracting for example.

Yes he’s been looking at available jobs as he’s known for a couple of months this would happen. So he has an idea of what’s around and what they’re looking for.

he is very much looking to make sure he doesn’t just take any job as he wants to have a career job if you know what I mean, not just take the first thing that comes along. He has a couple of options available for short term or part time work - he is not expecting to start a new job for a few months anyway as most people at his level have a long notice period - his was 6 months. That is not a problem financially but much longer than that it would be.

Cheeky bump

I think most people have some areas of life in which they feel confident, some in which they don't, and some in between. For example, I am generally reasonably confident about giving a presentation in a work situation, but I am not someone who is particularly confident with animals. Without knowing about your DH's skills and their value in the jobs market, it's impossible to know whether he is over-confident or realistic about his prospects.

There's confidence that comes with knowing that what you do is good and people will want your skills. Dh has that. He knows that he's highly rated in his firm, and his skill set is needed, and not many people are at his level. If he wanted to change job he would be pretty confident of getting offers based on his reputation in that field.

There's also false confidence which is more that someone thinks that they as a person are so brilliant that no one could resist giving them the job, suitable or not.

I remember at a gathering once a wife standing up for a big announcement that their husband was changing to this wonderful new job. In the conversation it became clear that they'd applied, but they were totally sure they'd get it. Next time we all met someone asked about it. They had to bluster how his old firm begged him to stay on; aka he didn't get a job offer. They (and wife) are full of self-confidence which is entirely based round that they think they'd be brilliant at anything and everyone thinks that so they hadn't even given the idea that he wouldn't get offered it a consideration.

You may or may not know which one your dh is.

@MargaretThursday definitely the first one for dh I think. He’s very good at his job and is only being made redundant because they’ve gone in to administration for reasons absolutely nothing to do with him or his role. He is a realist in most areas of life!

He has a lot of transferable skills but his industry has struggled massively since Covid/cost of living hence why he’s likely to have to look elsewhere.

You're a glass half empty person, he's a glass half full person.

It is quite common.

It's hard to say - when it comes to losing jobs there are some people to whom it's devastating and panic stations, but I also know people who confidently just walk out of jobs they don't like without something lined up, usually because they know they have an in-demand skill though. Confidence begets confidence though, so it should help him when looking for a new role.

DH's work life has been turbulent and initially I panicked when he lost a job, especially a couple where he was fired (nothing terrible, but it's a field where team cohesion is important and he is quite a 'marmite' personality), and I have learned that losing your job that way is not a death sentence for your career.

I am very confident.

I lack the ability to give a shit about anything though, so I don’t care what people think of me. We’ll all be dead in 100 years so very little matters.

Job wise, I’ve always walked into positions that I’ve interviewed for, but I am also very superficially charming, which helps.