Going through life with no family support

[alcohole]

For those of you who don’t have much contact with your family for whatever reason ( bereavement, distance, conflict etc etc) how do you keep your spirits up?

eg my mum passed away years ago. whilst I have come to terms with that day to day, I notice people doing things with their mum/ family and lots of these big wider family events which makes me
feel that my world is quite small! my children won’t have cousins on my side as I have no siblings, so lots of aspects of family life will always be different as I suppose I’m starting a family from scratch. I don’t really have events like wider family weddings etc to attend. Feels a bit weird to not have a large extended family with regular involvement in each other’s lives.

Totally understand this, and you're not on your own. We have no contact with my family after years of conflict and haven't done for years, except after the the death of my parents. My wife is on a very low contact basis with her sisters, and has had to remove herself from them due to lots of issues.

We have one child, a son who is now adult and grown up, with a wonderful fiancée and a good life, apart from the fact that he is in Scotland (kids eh?), but he's happy and all that matters.

I worried too, about his future more than mine. He saw what was happening years ago, and hasn't had contact with cousins for a long time now, and it doesn't bother him. I'm more settled now I know that his future is looking good, with future in laws that love him to bits, and we love his fiancée as much.

I'd rather have a happy life than one that involves conflict and unnecessary drama.

I had to break the generational cycles and curse. It was hard, but so glad I did it.

If I have any advice, it would be to just enjoy your little family. Get the most out of each day and direct everything you have into that. It's often the case that 'happy families' aren't. My blood relatives seem to exist on alcohol as a common link. It's really not for me.

My DM died when I was 32, 28yrs ago. My DSis and I have been surrogate mothers to each other since then. We are not close geographically but are almost psychically close in every other way. We used to visit each other regularly when our DC were small but not so much in the last few years. We have both recently retired although are continuing to work very part time. Already we are planning to spend more time together.
You do get used to dealing with everything. My DH lost his DF when he was a toddler, his DM remarried but they were never allowed to see their step father as a father. He was devoted to them and his own son, DH’s stepbrother, and when MIL was not around he always referred to them as his sons.
My own DF died when my DS was born, 19yrs ago. It has been tough, my DPs were young when they died, we had always assumed that they would be around for a lot longer.
One thing I have learned is that there is no point grieving forever. Life is far too short to be miserable.

It's not an issue. Families aren't always happy and family members aren't always people we want to be around. For me, friends are always more important.

I do have a lot of cousins, over lockdowns we all connected via FB and now keep in touch. I think that now the children are all grown up we have more time to chat.

I can understand. I’m an only child of two only children so never had aunts, uncles, cousins etc. Both my parents are gone, mum died when I was a child, dad a good few years ago, so I have no family now. It does get lonely at times though I’ve become very used to my own company by now. It can feel strange when you hear or read about large family get togethers, events like weddings as you say. Really can’t relate to how it must feel & does make me sad quite often.

I understand too, my DF passed away a few years ago, I have an elderly mum who is showing the first signs of dementia and a Dsis with mental health issues who shows no interest in my two DDs at all, in contast my DH has 3 sisters and 1 brother and they're all very close and a huge extended family of aunts uncles cousins etc who regularly get together for drinks etc, all my friends have large extended families too, it is hard but there's nothing I can do about it

I am nc with my parents and siblings. I've got more extended family like aunts and cousins, but I always liased with them via my parents, so effectively I've cut them off too. DH gets on with his parents, but they live abroad so it'sa few visits a year max.

Our life revolves around the 5 of us living in our house and at the moment that is fine. Life is hectic tbh and we barely have enough time for everyone here, let alone wider family events like weddings. I like that I can plan things for my family on my terms and don't have to worry about leaving time free for other people's plans that they might invite us to. We have a few holidays a year and lots of day trips, and dcs do day camps linked to their hobbies in school holidays. So their schedule is . I don't think I'd want the hassle or expense of attending weddings or other family get together.

Long time lurker, first time poster! This really struck a chord with me. My husband’s family are all abroad and speak little English. I live far from the few family members I have. My mum has dementia, barely speak to my dad and brother. So it is really just us and our 2 year old.

I am only now coming round to the notion that it is what it is. I love our little family unit and we have a lovely life. It does make me quite sad that we will never have any family gatherings or anybody we can call on in a crisis. And having a child has really upset me on a lot of occasions about how I can’t share the joy of that with my mum. She would’ve loved to see me being a mum and would have doted on her grandson. Such is life I suppose…

But families come in all shapes and sizes. The most important thing is being happy day to day with the family you have.

Couldn't agree more.

I am not close to my own family, see them as a chore once or twice a year. They all live in truly disgusting houses and as time goes on I am less and less able to put up with the squalor.
I am lucky with my in-laws so I have my unit of 4 and 3 in-laws for the odd Sunday roast. It is sad that my dc don’t have any cousins, my autistic dd in particular would benefit from these relationships.
I love the time we spend as a 4 though, with older teens this is less and less but holidays away are great. I couldn’t imagine them going no contact or even low contact with me when they are older. That means I look forward hopefully to a time when I have houseful of children, partners and grandchildren. I would love a houseful for Christmas. One day?