How do you deal with dentist fear?! Help!

[EvilElsa]

I have an awful fear of the dentist -to the point I will feel physically sick, shake, heart thumping (so bad the dentist can feel it) and avoid appointments as much as possible. I have been diagnosed with OCD and anxiety and have always been extremely fussy about my teeth and keeping them in great condition, but unfortunately had a terrible experience at 18 which has traumatised me. I had a wisdom tooth removed (by a dentist who was then struck off) and she stabbed me in the tongue with a needle, broke my tooth in my mouth leaving part in and causing a massive infection which took me weeks to recover from. I've birthed two babies without pain relief and I can hand on heart say that the tooth experience was worse.
If you suffer dental anxiety as well could I please ask how you manage and if you have any tips? It's not actually the pain I struggle with, more the claustrophobic feeling of hands in my mouth and the bloody water going down my throat. I feel like I'm drowning. I do have a great dentist who is very sympathetic but obviously he still has to do his actual job and work in my mouth which is the issue! I've got an appointment coming up and I'm absolutely dreading it already.

I too hate the dentist after many other procedures that I am fine with that are worse.
I try to remind myself that it won't hurt it's just uncomfortable and to do deep breathing.
I wonder if your dentist would pause if you hold your hand up or similar just so you know you have control if you need to swallow the water or have a break.
Could you listen to some music?
I have a filling scheduled for next week and I would rather have my appendix out!
Sometimes I take 2 pain killers before I go just so it's not too sore after.

Sedation dentistry? My mum has all procedures done under gas & air.

Thank you so much. I'm exactly the same -I've had much worse medical procedures that I'd pick any day over going to the dentist. There is a TV to watch over the chair but i think I will take my headphones like you've suggested and listen to some music instead. I'll also take the painkillers too!

Mostly by finding a great dentist and hygienist. They go slow, modify things as they can, and I know they will stop if I raise my hand. I followed my hygienist to a new office when she moved, that is how good she is. I knew the dentist she worked for would also be good. The original dentist retired.

I had a substitute hygienist who was very young and enthusiastic a few years back and ended up in a full blown panic attack within minutes. She had even been briefed, but just didn’t understand. Everything was very regimented and textbook. I ran out of the office. The office manager called me afterwards to apologize and offered me an appointment with someone else. She told me the hygienist got a very stern lecture on dealing with phobic patients, but i still couldn’t bring myself to go back for 2 years .

This has been suggested to me by the dentist and I've worried about feeling out of control -does your mum remember much afterwards?

My dentists uses Midazalam for me. Works very well. I have no recollection of any of it. It's called waking sedation. So I'm awake and able to follow instructions but I'm calm with no memory of the procedure afterwards.

There shouldn't be water going down your throat any more - they should be using a rubber dam these days, which basically means they fit a small sheet of rubber around the tooth they are working on to isolate it and it also catches 99% of the water spray which is a huge change.

I'm also phobic. They had to sedate me for years, but I was still terrified and under midazolam I saw everyone as a threat and lashed out at dentists a few times.... Not good for anyone.

What's really helped was being treated at the dental training school where it was the instructors working on me. Also, having treatment done by experts really helps as I feel I have more faith in them not to hurt me.

I had a re-root canal a few months ago by a specialist endodontist and whilst I shook throughout, it genuinely didn't hurt and he really listened to me when I asked for a pause to get my shit together between drilling.

I have no quick fix, it's taken me years to get to this point and the break of Covid really damaged my recovery from the phobia and set me back enormously.

Ask about locally for recommendations on dentists experienced in managing phobic patients - I now see a private dentist because of the lack of NHS options in Cornwall, and it's truly like night and day in terms of them listening to me and doing what I ask around pauses, explaining etc.

Oh god, poor you! I've had that terrible wanting to run panic too, it's dreadful. The dentist I've got is great and very understanding which is how I've struggled on so far, I just absolutely dread it and hate every second. I just feel like I'm suffocating and can't escape. He does frequently ask if I'm OK. I also dread him saying something is really wrong with my teeth and that I'll have to have something invasive done. I'd almost rather not know which is silly..

No, you won't remember a thing. Conscious sedation just means you can keep your mouth open when asked to etc. You're doped for hours afterwards and will absolutely require an escort home and someone to be with you for the rest of the day. I kept trying to cook when I got home last time, my mate kept marching me back to bed 😂

This actually sounds like it might be the way to go. DH could accompany me so no problem there.

My mum is like you and hates not having control (or the feeling of control). She's not great with general anesthesia, but had no issues with the gas and air at all - no memories after or anything. She's had similar experiences to you and sedation dentistry is the only reason she continues to receive dental care.

Thank you everyone.
While I'm so sorry to everyone who has these awful fears, it's nice to feel like I'm not alone.

Last year my dentist gave me a one off prescription for a 5mg Diazepam, to enable me to have a broken tooth repaired. I didn't think such a low dose would make any difference. I was aware of being a bit quiet on the journey there but she managed to get the work done.
So perhaps it's worth asking if your dentist could do this.

I have had diazepam prescribed by my GP beforehand. It really helps x

I used to be just like you. It wasn't until the pain got so bad from repeated cysts and infections that I accidentally overdosed on painkillers and felt like I wanted to off myself that I went and sat through whatever came. My dentist could tell I was nervous and explained everything he was doing before he did it so I could calibrate my mind and body to work together knowing something of what was coming.

Two years later I've had a lot of work done and none of it is pleasant but I survived every time. I genuinely believe the only way to get over a fear like this is exposure and 'just doing it'.

You don't remember a thing with sedation. I remember having a cloth draped over my eyes to keep them closed against the light and then a bit of him tilting my head then I was waking up and being told to bite down firmly on a piece of gauze. All over.

Also if you tell the nurse that you are scared of the feeling like you're drowning, she/he will be ON IT with the suction to keep the water under control.

Sedation for anything other than a checkup. Sedation is fantastic! Even gas and air is pretty good for most things and you are fine pretty much straight away afterwards. With conscious sedation you don’t remember anything and even with gas and air I don’t have any unpleasant memories. Of course it is quite expensive and makes dental work even more unaffordable than usual. In some areas you may be able to get an NHS referral for sedation (at a dental hospital rather than your dentist) but with long wait times.

A combination of guided meditation (there's a really good free one on Youtube called ), diazepam, and laser fillings when I need any work done and they're appropriate. I've never had sedation but if I was having anything more than a filling I would insist on it. You have my sympathy, dental phobia is horrendous.

That Youtube video made a complete mess of my post - apologies, I didn't realise it was going to do that

Find a lovely dentist you feel safe with and who will take their time with you and explain what they're doing. I did, and it's made a huge difference.