January 2024 - and I've never felt so lonely

[teateateatea]

NC
After the hype of Christmas, and starting between Christmas and NY, I have never felt so lonely as I have the past few weeks.

I have a long term partner & DS at home (twins,15). I have friends, not one single group but a few friends who do not know each other. I meet these friends for regular drinks/dinner etc. I don't feel its the type of friendships where I can just pop in for a random chat/cuppa etc (I wish it was). It always seems to have to be a planned meetup, never 'come round for an early eve drink' then 'oh dear we've got completely sh*t faced and ended up at the local pub till late, what a great and random night'. They are of course always most welcome to pop to me too. We all have busy lives what with working/DC/partners/DH. One of my friends has quite a few of her own friends. She was telling me over the xmas and NY period how she was popping into to see X for a cuppa, then Y had invited her to the pub NYE, or Z was video calling her and she was going round for a drink. Whereas this is lovely for her, it made me feel/recognise just how lonely I am/feel.

I don't want to go to the local Meet Up or anything, I just want to do more with the friends I already have, but it seems they prefer planned meet ups and due to hectic lives they cannot meet up as much.

Plus it's January and it's cold, grey, wet, dark & miserable. I had to pop out late last night to the chemist. It was 9pm and the whole area was dead.

Just to add - I've reached out to some of mine & my partners joint friends to see if they want to meet up/when are they free. One of them replied to say they are only really free this weekend, I said great let's have drinks. They then said they were due at their mates house for drinks this weekend but was sure the drinks would be moved to their own house and we could then also go. I'm still waiting to hear from them on the plans/if the drinks venue has been moved to theirs/I currently have no idea if we will actually see them.

It's the time of year when a lot of people aren't really into socialising ... why don't you look at hobbies you can focus on in the evenings .. meet people but are doing something IYSWIM ... join a local club or organisation, Book Club etc.
I love seeing friends but I want to 'do something' not just sit around having coffee or drinks ....

I moved someone where new a few years ago and haven’t met the people I can just pop in an have a chat with. But to be honest, I am not that person either! With young dc, every minute is accounted for, going to different clubs etc. and the days that don’t have have anything I want to have a quiet day. Don’t take it personally that you’re a ‘plan in advance’ friend, that means your important enough to make arrangements with.

I have been trying to cultivate new relationships with my neighbours and people on my street as they’re the people who are most likely available to to ‘pop in’ with. They key persistence and booking people in advance until you know them well enough.