I don't think my baby likes me very much

[greyberry]

DC is 5 weeks old now and I'm not sure if she likes me at all. She never really looks at me but stares at her dad and older sister a lot and I feel like she just cries so much more with me whilst gives lots of smiles and coos at others. Could she just not like me as much? I'm worried that's the case.

I had a really tough pregnancy with her and sometimes wished I wasn't pregnant, even though I was desperate to have her after 2 losses, so I'm worried I've done something wrong.

Feeling really anxious recently so not sure if I'm just being silly, I didn't think babies could not like their mums but I just feel like she must

Hey OP, sounds a little like pnd. How you feeling in yourself? I was the same, I thought my bonding with my second wasn't great and it felt like he always cried when he was with me, but I suppose they do being the mum you have everything they want and need, of course your baby doesn't hate you, they love you.
I'm sure you're doing a great job, keep persevering. I think if it continues perhaps reach out for some support? All the best xx

Aww Op, I'm sure she does love you.
But big sis and Daddy are maybe moving around more, ie more interesting to watch.

Take her to bed and do skin to skin. Just cuddle her and bond her to you

Aww, your baby loves you for absolute sure. I think the bond is so naturally strong with the mother after having carried her for so long - that you're love is a given, if that makes sense. She know your bond is special so she is exploring these other humans she doesn't know much about yet.

Ps if you are worrying about your bond please know that is a completely normal worry many mums have, especially after what you've been through. With your anxiety, It is definitely worth speaking to your health visitor and/or GP, they will have lots of ways to support and reassure you. Sending huge hugs.

She doesn't like anyone yet, she's basically a milk-guzzling potato! If you are keeping her warm, clean and fed and she's getting plenty of cuddles and friendly interactions then she is fine. I promise you that you are the most important person in your daughter's life right now, even if she has a funny way of showing it.

I'm more worried about you. You're recovering from a rough pregnancy and you're going to be exhausted with a tiny baby. It's possible you're developing pnd, dark thoughts and feelings of rejection are really common warning signs. I would have a chat with your GP, they will have an established process for picking up pnd and they really can help you if it is that. Make sure your partner/mum/anyone who is supporting you knows that you are struggling with these feelings as well, there is no shame in it and you need to be cared for as much as dd.

@CourtneyB123 I'm okay, I think. Having some tough moments when she's crying and I can't work out what's wrong quick enough but that's part of newborn life and lack of sleep doesn't help lol.

I had PND with my older daughter and I don't think I feel the same this time, with her I was convinced my husband could find her a better mum than me and that I couldn't be good enough for her.

If anything just feel so worried about everything just now, keep having intrusive thoughts that I'm going to drop DD2 or that one of them is going to suffocate during the night. I had a lot of anxiety this pregnancy though. Was convinced something would go wrong during it/ during childbirth or that DD1 was going to choke or stop breathing in her sleep.

Not sure what's going on really, I just feel like DD2 doesn't really like me very much but I feel like even though it took me a while to get over the guilt of less time with DD1, I love DD2 just as much now, just upsets me that it's like she maybe doesn't like me very much, but I'm not sure

She doesn't like anyone yet, she's basically a milk-guzzling potato!

😁 but completely true, so you don’t need to worry about that OP. I do think you should let you HV/GP know how you’re feeling, because it’s very possible PND is kicking in, and it’s best treated early.

@Outthedoor24 thank you, I'll try this, we haven't done a lot of skin to skin. I feel guilty I didn't breastfeed her at all (I was planning to give some colostrum before going onto formula long term) but I had quite a rough experience in my c section and it never worked out as I wasn't able to even hold her for ages when she was born, so maybe trying to fit in some more skin to skin with her will help

@greyberry having read your second post I do think this is PND. It can present differently each time. Can you contact your GP/HV tomorrow? I think it’s very very important you do that asap.

I have to agree with other posters about reaching out for some help, because honestly it sounds exactly how I started off with pnd with my youngest and I had to have intervention, all babies love their mums, I don't think your baby hates you at all, please take care of yourself try give your gp or health visitor a ring tomorrow there's some excellent postnatal mental health support these days perhaps try get the ball rolling for you and your little family, well done for letting it out here, just putting your feelings down somewhere is a small win isn't it. Xx

@BeachedOff I hope so. I do love that she has so much interest in others, especially DD1 but have just been worried she likes them better. Which writing it out sounds ridiculous, I know, like primary school talk of who is who's best friend.

I am still under the perinatal mental health team and have an appt to review the birth etc with them at the end of the month so I will mention feeling a bit anxious to her. Thank you

@sprigatito she really is a milk guzzler a bit cuter than a potato though lol! That made me laugh, thank you.

I did have PND after DD1 (from combination of lots of things that went wrong during labour and the early weeks) but I remember just always feeling like she deserved a better mum than me. I felt like she loved me though, so it feels weird to not feel that this time round. I haven't spoken to anyone about it, I know my husband will say she does whether she does or doesn't but I will try and speak to him and see what he thinks as well

She doesn’t even know you are a different person from her yet! You are everything to her, everything she has ever known, your voice, your scent, your heartbeat - you are safely and security and home and part of her. She looks from you to the outside world, since that is new and curious. Be gentle on yourself, you've nothing to feel guilty about, you’re doing a great job.

Hormones go crazy after birth (I got terrified to leave the house in case some unidentified “bad” thing happened to my baby) - but as others have suggested, it can’t hurt to raise this with your health visitor or GP if the worries are overwhelming. Take care of yourself.

@theduchessofspork really? I have a nursery nurse coming out tomorrow as my HV is off this week but I will try and find time to ask her about it if I can (DD1 is still off school and will enjoy having a new face to show off her Christmas presents to). Thank you for replying.

I had asked my GP for help with the anxiety and intrusive thoughts during pregnancy (my midwife and the perinatal mental health team encouraged me to ask about possibly starting medication) but they refused to give me anything and told me statistics that weren't true so I haven't really been back to speak to them about anything

@CourtneyB123 thank you. I will see if I can ask the HV or the nurse coming out tomorrow about it and see what she thinks. I'm glad you were able to get help for your PND, I remember it took me 8 months to reach out with DD1 and I was at breaking point. The postpartum period is relentless

@Bambooshoot thank you. I never left the house for months after having DD1 and when I did it was with my mum or my husband as I was too scared to go out alone.

This time I'm too scared to make the same mistakes and be unwell again or let my daughters down so have been trying to get out for walks most days. The hormones are definitely a rollercoaster, I forgot about that from last time too.

I hope it is that I'm her safe place, I love her so much

You are the center of her universe. She's just curious; don't worry! Be glad she's alert and aware.

💐💐💐

When my son was this age I was worried he wasn’t bonded to me properly because he didn’t seem to care if I was holding him or if literally anyone else was. He just liked everyone. Now he’s six months old and extremely attached to me. He’s still a friendly boy and loves other people but if he’s upset he will only settle with me. I think babies just need time to learn to tell the difference between different people. A five week old still doesn’t really know what’s going on most of the time.

@LaurieStrode thank you, she is very alert!

@Strawberrycheesecake7 yes I feel a bit like that too, she doesn't seem to care whether I'm about or not or who holds her.

That's good to know, maybe it just needs more time. Thank you

As a previous poster said, it is a medical fact that at that age she doesn't recognise you as a separate human being. You are her and she is you. But dad and big sis are "other" and she can see and recognise them as beings that are outside herself. Hence her fascination with them. It's very interesting really and a very normal and healthy part of baby development.

@Theredfoxfliesatmidnight Thank you, yes she definitely finds them much more interesting, especially big sister!

I hope she starts to give me some smiles or coos, I remember with my older daughter I was the only one who could calm her when she cried, and got all her smiles and stories too so think that's just making me feel like DD2 doesn't like me. It makes me quite teary sometimes