Advice needed urgently

[User31]

Posting here for traffic and I've name changed for obvious reasons.

Any help or advice would be much appreciated.

Mum of two DC (under 12). My father is an alcoholic and has got himself into some serious trouble. I've known a select version of events for about 6 months and today found out that he's been charged with sexually assaulting a 15 year old. He has been placed on the sex offenders register.

He was at my home for Christmas. I'm no longer willing to have any contact with him and he will no longer be seeing my DC.

I didn't know the extent of the charges as he has claimed he was being charged with harassment after talking to a woman while he was drunk. This was bad enough and I had already suggested he needed to plead guilty, make a remorseful full apology and seek rehabilitation for his drinking which has been a massive problem for many years.

Now I'm scared that his being here over Christmas could be a cause for concern over the safety of my children? Obviously had I known what the charges were he wouldn't have been here at all. He has lied and downplayed this for months.

Suppose I also wanted a bit of a vent because I have never been so angry in all my life. He's a waste of skin who has had countless second chances and I'm finally done. He can go and drink himself to death for all I care.

My heart is breaking for the poor girl and her family. All children should be safe. I'm disgusted that she wasn't and it's due to someone I'm related to.

How do I cope with this?

Oh OP I am so sorry this must have been such a shock for you.

You’re doing the right thing by your children by safeguarding them and yourself from him - don’t beat yourself up about the before as you didn’t know. If the Police do ask anything just be 100% honest.

I’d recommend maybe looking into some counselling just to help you come to terms with this if you feel like you need it. He’s still your father and it will feel a bit like grieving cutting him out even if it’s the right thing to do. It will also help you with some coping strategies.

How horrific.

It's good you've cut contact.

I think if it were me I'd be contacting a counsellor for everyone, you and your children, they'll advise the best way to speak to your children to find out if he's harmed them in any way.

The NSPCC will be able to talk you through your concerns and offer advice.

I don't think that your children will be considered to be at risk. I think that SS would have called you already had they been worried. Besides which if you are now no contact it won't be an issue. You've done nothing wrong, didn't know and he's not been convicted (innocent until proven guilty etc). Once it's been to court they might then get in touch.

I'm sorry that you're going through this.
Unfortunately feelings are complicated things. He's still your Dad. He's a deeply flawed person and an addict. You're bound to feel shock, sickness, repulsion, fear, anger and grief for your relationship and the person you once knew but no longer recognise. It's ok to feel all of these things. And it would still be absolutely fine to also worry about him or grieve for him if he were to die.

That's awful, I think you have done the right thing, as while he isn't necessarily a threat to your children I would bet this isn't the first time he has done this sort of thing.

What an awful shock, have a look at the Lucy Faithful Foundation, they offer support to both sex offenders and their families, they’re very respectful and very experienced. They’ll be able to help you talk things through and will have a good eye to safeguarding. Most of all give yourself time - you don’t need to do anything right now. You’re safe and your children are safe.