Please tell me the good things about parenting teens/young adults with SEN

[elliejjtiny]

I seem to be stuck in a rut of gloom at the moment. I have 5 dc ranging from 17 to 9 who all have SEN. Although it was chaos when they were little I loved being with them, going to toddler groups, softplay, the zoo etc. Now I'm finding that the older ones don't want to go out with us but can't be left for more than an hour or so. The little one's favourite thing is to spin round on a swivel chair. He sometimes enjoys going out but quite often when I take him somewhere he spends the entire time trying to touch things he isn't allowed to or stimming really loudly so people complain. 13 year old has boundless energy, is always bored and rarely sleeps. Older ones can't use public transport so ds2 sometimes walks but mostly they need to be driven everywhere.

We do still do fun things but I'm very conscious of it getting less every year. Ds1 leaves college this year and is planning on working mainly self employed with some part time employed work to top up his earnings. He has signed something with the dwp so that I take care of his benefits for him and I had a sudden thought that it means I will probably have to sort out his tax and universal credit for him as well. Is there much in the way of fun stuff as they get older or am I going to be surrounded by paperwork, chauffering and laundry for the rest of my life?

Disclaimer: When we had our 4th we only knew that ds2 had SEN and ds5 was a double contraception failure. Also I love them all so much, I just find the endless laundry and paperwork really difficult and I always thought it would get a bit easie and more fun as they got older.

With your older children is it possible to look into supported living? You aren't always going to be around unfortunately and having them settled sooner rather than later is probably better for all of you.

I think the rest of your post is unique to you, I think others having 5 children with SEN is probably unlikely. It sounds difficult and exhausting. I guess you could free up some time with a home help so you have more time to do fun things even if it's at home and outsource the chores

My son has a cognitive imparement as a result of a genetic deletion. My daughter is developmentally normal. The irony is that DD is an absolute terror! Fits the threenager stereotype to a tee.

Ds in contrast is the envy of everyone we know. He's adorable, so sweet and kind, his childminder has started with a new baby and always comments on how gentle he is with these tiny children. Dogs and cats love him (they run away from DD as she's so loud lol). He tells me he loves me multiple times a day (he's 6 and just learned how to say it) his school teachers love him.

DD and Ds get on so well despite their differences it helps that DD is younger so they are closer in mental age.

I went through a difficult time mentally last year as we got his diagnosis and I was so scared for him, but he's doing so well with his talking and is starting to see and point out letters from his name that he recognises and so I have hope that he will find something he loves and is good at as an adult.

Thank you. It's not that we don't have time to do fun stuff, it's more that the older 2 don't enjoy it, and I will spend the whole time telling my youngest not to touch things. I think I'm going to invest in an annual membership to a theme park half an hour away from us. It's nearly £600 which is hugely expensive compared with national trust etc but I think they would enjoy it a lot more and it's better value for money than the trampoline park.

@MooQuackNeigh your son sounds like my 10 year old. He is the only one of my children who doesn't have autism. He has learning disabilities and he can't write well enough for people to read it but he can read now and he is very good at practical things.

Yes he is similar. 3 plus years behind on anything 'academic' and speech but he went from balance bike to peddle bike in one day and is pretty amazing at games on his tablet although lacks fine motor skills for anything else shockingly, struggles to get dressed himself.

I'm trying to recognise how much he is learning even though I know it's very unlikely he will ever catch up to his peers. I remember having a mini panic attack at the thought of him learning to drive (he was one year old at the time and I was pregnant and hormonal at the time?) So it's a strange turn of events that it's now unlikely he would get a licence, who knows, maybe he will suprise us all?

My DS is autistic and 22. He was hard work when younger but is quite chilled as an adult and is independent in his own way. He works from home for my small company, and gets UC and PIP. I'm his appointee but the paperwork takes up very little time - he has LCWRA and his PIP award was for 10 years. He spends most of his time playing computer games at home. We're able to leave him at home while we take younger dc out on trips or even on holiday as he often doesn't want to come with us. He can prepare simple meals for himself and use public transport (which is extensive, so he has no need to drive). He gets a disability travel pass so that doesn't cost anything either.

He doesn't have any social life but we go out for meals as a family and occasionally to do something like the cinema. Overall he's happy with his lifestyle and he gets a better quality of life than he'd get in supported living. I don't think he'd actually enjoy that - he gets more privacy and is more relaxed around family.