Sister treats parents badly

[Mayge]

I am low contact myself but I really hate hearing and seeing how my sister treats my parents. They have always gone to the end of the earth for all us kids and are generally loving, dependable and generous people and they have always been this way - as good parents should tbh.

BIL (sister DH) is a very arrogant person. The both of them are rude and hostile to most people, believe they are entitled and others do wrong but they are perfect. It’s really difficult to be around them and so we choose not to where we can avoid it.

You can’t change people’s attitudes and I have mostly accepted it to be the way it is. I just feel sorry for my parents who repeatedly put up with it, they make them jump to every demand including extensive and short notice travel and if they fall short of expectations they start threatening them that they won’t see their grandkids, which really upsets and worries them. BIL has called DM names, they’ve been told they are not welcome, aren’t good people to be around - if anything the reverse is true but I think she’s flipped the narrative on purpose

Has anyone had a similar situation? Can I help in any way or is it interfering? I just hate seeing people I love stressed and treated badly

Yes but my auntie to my grandparents.

They have set up their whole life around her - because she threatens to commit suicide otherwise.

They moved to an area they wouldn't have otherwise.

They have effectively brought up her children since they were around 10 - one of my cousins put herself into care at 15 rather than live with my auntie. She is very emotionally abusive and manipulative.

Unfortunately, I am not sure there is much you can do. Many of us have spoken to my grandparents about how poorly my aunt treats them, they are aware of it.

I feel like it has gone on for so long now, they see no way of how to change it.

People like this are good at what they do - my auntie and the suicide threats plus the guilt my grandparents feel that she was such a terrible parent, in your situation the classic threat of removing access to their grandchildren.

I think people need to have their wake up moment themselves unfortunately.

Yes we have a similar situation with SIL who we are NC with. Treats FIL terribly although he can't do enough for her. DH absolutely hates the way she treats him but ultimately there's not much you can do about it. We just try to not get involved and don't give an option on any of it as it rarely leads to anything positive as FIL will always defend her.