I need some advice about dd school refusal

[whatsitabout79]

Dd is 12 and in year 8 and since around October she has been refusing to go in school. Every morning she cries hysterically where she can't catch her breath, is unhappy in the evening thinking about school. Year 7 she was fine and seemed to enjoy it. School have helped to an extend with a pass to leave lesson if overwhelmed but it's not really helped.

I'm at a loss as to what to do? I'm trying to juggle working, a young dc to look after. Do I change school, home school? I just don't know what to do

Thank you so much for all the replies they have been really helpful and I'm going to have a proper read through this evening. Had a quick look through the Facebook group that was recommended and I can't believe how many parents are in the same boat so I'll be reading them later. Thanks again and to any one going through similar.

Hi, thanks for replying. Do you have any suggestions what I can ask school to do to help.

See if there is a service in your area where she can be referred for an Early Help Assessment, if accepted she can get support from a Young People's Worker. They'll work directly with her through things and could help her with getting in. School or the GP can refer.

I would really try to push to find out the underlying cause here. If she was previously fine at school then there must be something that has triggered the change that she is worried about sharing. If you can afford it then it might help to see if you can get any private counselling to help her open up about whatever it is.

Year 8 can be very tricky for kids. It is that bit where the friendship tussles get quite brutal and social media has just amplifies that times a million.

I would start by trying to find out as much as you can from your daughter - it seems as if she is going in to school, as you dropped her off. What would make a difference? Somewhere to go at break times? Mediation with friends? Change of teachers? TA support?

Then make appointment with head of year, and get their side. It may be that your daughter is happy in some lessons. It would be useful for you to know how they see the problem.

Keep a paper trail - whenever you have a meeting, you'll probably get an email from the school. Challenge anything incorrect. If you don't get an email, send one confirming everything that is discussed. If you don't get anywhere with the HoY, go to the Head.

The starting point is to find out what makes your daughter anxious - then you know what you would want the school to do. If your daughter can't tell you, or just says everything, it's harder, but still keep communicating with school.

If you can keep getting her into school, that's great. Avoid absences as much as you can because the more she's absent, the harder it is to go back in. If she can't go in, don't let it go on too long before asking for work to be sent home.

If you suspect a medical issue, get advice from your GP. If you think it's a learning problem, ask for assessments.

It's quite likely that school won't be able to do much - there just isn't the money or staffing, but you want to make it clear to them that you want an education for your daughter, and you want to work with them.

Hope that ramble helps!

I worked with a student very similar to your Dd.
He is now in 6th form, confident and happy.
You need to book an appointment to see your daughters Head Of Year.
Does your school have an Inclusion Department? Or a quiet place like a library?
The main thing is to keep DD going into school.
Its easier said than done I know. It is the Head of Year/ Inclusion Manager job to help your Dd while she is going through this difficult time.

Hi,
we are going through a similar situation with my daughter at the moment. I hope that your daughter is doing better & her anxiety with school have been resolved. It’s really tough for them & for also for us.