If you worry about ageing/dying parents, do you do this?

[Cosy8]

I am so scared of the thought of dying and my brain cannot comprehend the idea of not being here anymore. I think a lot about how fast time goes. More so though, I am terrified at the thought of my parents getting older and not being here any more. I am late 30s, my mum is a young 70.

I am generally anxious and thinking about this consumes my thoughts quite often. My brain is constantly doing sums or calculations related to this around people's ages and the passing of time and when I imagine people may die.

For example, I will think of something happening in a couple of years time. Straight away my brain will start to add up how old xyz person will be at that time, how many years they have 'left' eg 10. Then I'll think of something that happened 10 years ago and think about how quickly that time has gone and my brain will be doing further calculations about years, ages of family members and time going so fast.

We have just adopted a cat, she is 2. Our last cat lived to 17. My brain today has been doing the calculations that if our new girl lives to be 17, by that time my mum would be in her mid 80s and there is a chance she might not be here at all. The realisation has floored me and I feel so emotional.

I also have terrible worries about the thought of my mum being scared about getting older and the inevitable happening. I know she worries about it and thinks about it (we are similar) so I feel heartbroken at the thought of it.

Can anyone else relate?

I could have wrote this myself. I completely understand how you feel.
i try to put my life into perspective. Young children dying of cancer etc. And realise how lucky I am having 3 healthy kids etc. My dad has got cancer, he’s 78 and also got dementia.
On the surface I’m coping, but TBH I am stressed, and keep thinking this time next year he won’t be here.
I hope you get some helpful advice on here. 👍

Hi I sort of do this, I'm 36 and my mum was diagonosed with stage 4 cancer 9 months ago. She has started deteriating and my dad had a funny turn last night (he had a TIA three years ago)
From a selfish point, all I can think of is how scared I am off losing them at what i feel is a young age myself. And I calculate if I had a baby sooner rather then later how long Mum would be around for to see them, which is silly as we have no idea of a timescale she has left.

So not completely the same as your thoughts but just wanted to say your not along xx

I can absolutely relate

You’re looking at dying from the perspective of a person in their 30s. Of course you are scared of it now and can’t comprehend it. It’s natural at your age. But when you’re 80 you’ll feel differently. You can’t possibly understand right now how you will ever feel differently, but you will.

It’s like having kids. At 15 the idea of having a baby was horrifying and not something you could cope with. But by 35 you were probably able to cope with it quite easily. Death is the same. When you’re older you’ll feel ok with it.