Is this an ADHD thing?

[ADHMum]

Am waiting for an assessment and am wondering if this is related?

If I plan something and it goes wrong I feel incredibly upset and angry.

For example tonight I couldn't be bothered cooking a meal but offered DH a sausage butty.

He said he was really hungry and he'd love one.
When I went in the kitchen I thought we have bacon that needs using and some bread.

So I made a fry up. Eggs, bacon, toast, mushrooms, sausage, beans etc...

I felt excited because in my head I thought 'he thinks I can't be bothered cooking so is only getting a sandwich, he's going to live it when I come in with a full fry up"

He was watching a film but then he came in the kitchen and saw the egg in the pan and the bacon etc and went back in the living room.

I was SO upset. Because the surprise was ruined.

And I felt really angry.

Then cried my eyes out because I told him how I felt and how it's ridiculous and how can I feel so mad about him just walking in the kitchen.

Like he did absolutely nothing wrong and I don't get mad at him outwardly but inside I felt so mad!

I don't understand why I feel this way?

Have a look at rejection sensitive dysphoria and see if it fits other situations

Hmm.

It does seem to fit in one way, the exaggerated reactions and inability to regulate emotions but I don't feel rejected.

Like in that moment I didn't feel like he did anything to upset or insult me.

I just feel almost devestated that my surprise was ruined.

Even writing that reads utterly ridiculous to me. I know it's not normal but I'm trying to be honest in what I feel.

I was just so mad.

It's the same if say, I had a massive tidy up whilst he's at work. I not great with tidying but when I feel the urge I go hard.

But if he were to come home before I'd finished I'd be so, so upset because I was still in the process.

It wasn't the finished 'ta-dahhh' ' moment I'd pictured whilst cleaning.

It's literally like I'm a toddler and my tea party's been ruined :(

Boy do I know what you mean! I am a absolute toddler, anything can make me happy (cat seating on me, a nice Christmas light absolutely anything.)but on the other end I can go mental if something doesn't go how I expected it. If I decided to do something , changing the way I organised myself will make me irrationally angry, you cannot change or organise something last minute. I am getting older, so when I feel myself getting overwhelmed or irrationally angry, I take 5 min ,breath deeply and ask myself why am I so angry, it works well.

Yes, this and I'm the same with happiness too. I feel very simple sometimes.

Absolutely cannot deal with plan changes. It upsets me so, so much.

Is it do with perfectionism?... Like you were invested in the end result being just as you wnated and then something out of your control made that not possible.

Yeah. RSD. Totally an ADHD thing.

It does sound like rejection sensitive dysphoria to me . I feel like that often . Although I think the name of the phenomenon is misleading because it happens with criticism and disappointment too

It seemed to happen during disappointment for you , in your example.

No. I'm as far from a perfectionist as you can get. I never finish anything and am a complete slattern.

It just feels ruined. I can't explain it.

It feels like someone's walked in on their surprise birthday party before everyone's in place.

I wonder what the reason for not finishing anything is? Because if you are a perfectionist (no worries if you're not but bear with me) the pressure of the perfect result may make it difficult for you to actually finish the thing as it's just too much. So on a subconscious level once you realise it's not possible to achieve perfection you loose interest in it and then you struggle with attention/motivation to finish it.

I'm absolutely not a perfectionist. I don't take pride in anything I do.

I think the inability to complete tasks is very typical of ADHD

Thanks.

I'm reading up on it and it seems so.

Pretty sure it's an ADHD thing. I'm not sure whether it's RSD or a variation of impulsivity, where it's harder to rein in strong emotions.