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Sad that I'm letting them down

3 replies

TrousersAndPotato · 03/01/2024 19:06

This is more of a pity party than anything else, a bit of a vent.
My life has ended up with me and my 2 mid-teenagers living in social housing in a very affluent area.
I'm workin two jobs, and am trying my very best, just about keeping afloat, claim as much as I can from the goverment (disabled too!), but my kids' friends are loaded. DS girlfriend had four foreign holidays last year and has all the latest gadgets, etc. DD has friends who go skiing, have the 'right' trainers, etc., you get the idea.

My son is heavily hinting that he'd love a car for his birthday next year... I've already told him that while I could just about cover a small runaround, there's no way I'd be able to afford the insurance. He doesn't seem to be able to get a job, which is weird has he has a really strong work ethic from jobs he had where we used to live.

Their dad is around when it suits him (to look good on social media) and has a creative accountant so pays bare minimum CS. They're always disappointend with whatever crappy xmas / birthday presents he deigns to get for them (seriously, they're not ungrateful, the gifts really are rubbish).

I am in my mid 50s, trying to re-train in a more lucrative field, but I'm afraid that I'm not going to be any better off. I'm going to be moved on to UC next year, which I'm dreading because I'm apparently going to be about 30 quid worse off per month!

I'd love nothing more than to take them on holiday somewhere warm and sunny, to be able to get the boy a car, to get the girl her choice of clothes/trainers etc.

I'm sad that I have to keep saying no to them. They're not mercenary, but see what their friends have and I just can't keep up. They try not to show it, but I know they're disappointed.

Feeling miserable. Bah! Thanks for reading my whinge.

OP posts:
Catsknowbest · 03/01/2024 19:11

I understand peer pressure, believe me, but the fact is you provide a warm safe home, have 2 jobs with a disability and obviously are giving them all you can. If you were my parent (mine were reckless with money and we had all sorts until it all crashed in the 90s recession and realised it had been a facade of credit) I would be glad of the stability you provide. Because of our upbringing I ended up super cautious with money-no bad thing- and all my adult life have prioritised roof and bills over everything. I think you can be proud of your achievements and example as a parent and it would do them no harm to understand this 😊

TrousersAndPotato · 03/01/2024 19:21

@Catsknowbest (perfect user name!)
Thank you!
The house is fabulous. I have a bit of credit card debt , but it's definitely not a worrying or unmanageable amount. I save up for Christmas every year. No savings otherwise.

I'm sure we'll be fine.
Just trying not to feel crap!

OP posts:
Catsknowbest · 03/01/2024 19:55

Thanks 😻 really you do sound like you are in control, sensible...that's a valuable thing to give to your kids. I know it can be hard if they have peers with this and that; but remember if those people aren't well off it could be a lot of it is on credit these days

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