I actually feel bad writing that. Hate is such a strong emotion and word. And that old adage "hate hurts the hater more than the hated" is so true I think, but I am really struggling with how much I hate exBIL and the way his behaviours have impacted so much of our extended family and our lives. So I thought I'd just write it down here for a minute, and perhaps that will purge things a bit.
I won't go into detail but basically, he's an emotionally abusive, lazy, gaslighting wanker who has been a waste of space for years and who is now freeloading off her, living in her house and doing absolutely nothing to try and sort his life out.
We refuse to have anything to do with him anymore but then that has all these knock on effects, and SIL is resentful even though she also understands where we're coming from. But she resents that we won't let our children go to her house (possibly partly because it means she feels bad asking us to look after her DC). She's also got terrible MH as a result of what she's dealing with so we try to be supportive but it's hard as it makes her behaviour appalling.
I just hate him so much. Not least because of how helpless I feel to DO anything to change the situation except withdraw. Which we've done. But that comes with all the feelings of guilt etc.
Anyone else want to unload. I think I do feel marginally better. (I typed a LOT more, but deleted most of it. Cathartic for me though!)