Hi. Just looking for some thoughts / advice.
Sorry if this is a bit long.
For context I am autistic with ADHD and complex mental health issues who developed ME/CFS during the pandemic. I used to run my own businesses but have been unemployed LCWRA and pip since 2020.
I am desperate for my own self esteem to work again. My attempts to accept my situation have failed. I am miserable not working. I feel like a burden and I am constantly terrified of having to deal with anything to do with my claims as I found the claiming process so demoralising like I was accused of lieing all the time. I get panic attacks thinking about renewal. It has been however a challenge to think of any job I could sustain with my complex disabilities.
Working with a charity that helps autistic people match to jobs they could do I have found what I feel like would be the perfect job. It's 16.5 weeks as a low key library assistant that also does the weekly rhyme time with the toddlers. This ticks all my interest boxes and looking at the requirements I think I stand a good chance of atleast getting an interview.
Downside is it's in a different city but a simple commute which normally I wouldn't manage with anxiety but it happens to be on the same route as my parents so luckily this is a familiar route to me. I have been searching and searching for anything in my area for well over a year and have never found anything suitable.
The problem is is that I have about 2ks worth of debt.
Due to this being a 16.5 hour a week job it looks like I would loose the LCWRA element of UC and I think trigger a PIP reassessment which I am concerned I would loose quite a bit due to working in a different city (despite realistically this likely to completely drain me and render all my other awake hours useless)
I put the salary into a wage calculator and then did a benefits calculator. From my understanding once I've factored in everything such as loosing free school meals and the £30 a week travel money etc I would be down by £500 a month. That's a lot.
I just can not afford that. I wouldn't be able to pay my debts at all. My partner has sat me down and said realistically I need to think that this is not a viable option for me as he can't bail me out anything and I just can not afford to be that much money a month down just because I want to work a job that is likely to increase my support needs in every other aspect of my life as I'll be so fatigued from working and traveling.
I feel so deflated. Like am I just trapped on benefits? As it feels like to get off them by the time I've factored in benefit loss I would need to be working full time and I will probably never be able to do that.
I want to work. All the stuff in the press about disability benefits makes me so worried.
Am I missing something here? Or am I just trapped?
Thanks for any helpful input.