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Original poster

My brother didn’t tell me they were unwell

24 replies

Parttimehuman · 03/01/2024 01:28

My family and I that consist of DH, DD11 , Dd4 and DS2months visited my brother and his wife and children on Boxing Day. We have always made this our meet day over Christmas since losing our parents. However we weren’t informed they were all unwell. Coughing, sneezing, high temperatures and apparently even overnight sickness bug on Christmas Eve. We stayed to open each other’s presents for around 20 mins then made our excuses to leave. In hindsight I wish I’d made a fuss and left immediately as we’re now all unwell too.
DH is self employed and is completely floored so will lose at least a weeks pay. I’m struggling to care for the children as I’m in pain with fever and headache. Baby is struggling as all bunged up and won’t sleep. the girls are sleeping all day as their heads and eyes hurt.
I’m so angry they didn’t warn us and don’t see it as a big deal since I told my brother we all have it too. Apparently it’s going around so we’d catch it anyway. Possibly yes but not because selfish people withheld the information there was a bug in the house, possibly even Covid for all I know.
I now can’t sleep as I can’t breathe if I lie down, baby can’t sleep, DH is tossing and turning and the girls will be missing their first day back to school. it started as sniffles but today it’s full blown flu symptoms.
Has anyone been in this position before and called them out on their selfish behaviour? I’m so angry I’m in two minds to ring him now and go NC

OP posts:
Original poster
Parttimehuman · 03/01/2024 01:29

Apologies I meant new year’s eve not Boxing Day

OP posts:
demonheed · 03/01/2024 01:33

"I’m so angry I’m in two minds to ring him now and go NC"

That's a bit extreme. I think you're best to just try and rest and hope that you'll get better quicker than you think. But tell your brother that in future you'd like to be told if they are ill before you visit.

sprigatito · 03/01/2024 01:36

I would be furious too OP, it's selfish shitty behaviour, and with a small baby it's dangerous.

Unfortunately I think a lot of people are still in "defiant small child" mode over the Covid restrictions and are aggressively asserting their right to infect other people with diseases, jeering at others who would prefer not to be made ill, insisting that "life can't stop for a cold" etc. It is frustrating, but you can't reason with stupid. I would just see less of your brother from now on.

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Families
coxesorangepippin · 03/01/2024 01:37

It's pathetic to be honest

Relaxd · 03/01/2024 01:40

Going NC is extreme and quite controlling in this type of scenario where basically you were angry, didn’t like someone else’s decision or were disappointed. I’m so fed up with this trend for going NC for things that people should communicate and move forward through. It’s basically saying I won’t speak to you if you don’t do as I expect. If a man did this to his wife we all know it’s a form of abuse!

Feliciacat · 03/01/2024 01:42

I definitely see your point about your whole family having a hard time just because your brother didn’t tell you his family were unwell. It must be so tough having to parent unwell children when you’re unwell too. Plus DH not able to work. It impacts you a lot so it’s not unreasonable for you to be angry.

However, though he should have given you the option of not seeing them due to the illness; it’s true that you could have picked it up anywhere. What would you have done then? It sounds like your family set up is such that illness ruins your partner’s income and is very difficult for you to deal with. It sounds like you don’t have enough of a safety net in terms of family support and financial support for when you do get unwell. Maybe think about if you can change anything about that. The massive impact the illness is having on your household would be the same whether your brother was the culprit or not.

I don’t think you should throw your relationship with your brother away over this. Especially if your parents are no longer here (sincere condolences). I think your difficulties stem from bigger lifestyle issues than him not telling you his family were unwell. He should have told you but what would you have done if you’d got it elsewhere?

ElevenSeven · 03/01/2024 04:05

It is everywhere at the minute though, you’ve no way to actually know if you got it from them.

NC is extreme.

Struthless · 03/01/2024 04:07

NC is insane, this could come from school at any moment! It would have been nice to have been told but thats it.

cryinglaughing · 03/01/2024 04:11

Your children will catch many colds from many sources during their childhood.
Are you going to go NC with all of them 😂

Unfortunate you're all unwell but your over reaction is bizarre.

WandaWonder · 03/01/2024 04:13

Relaxd · 03/01/2024 01:40

Going NC is extreme and quite controlling in this type of scenario where basically you were angry, didn’t like someone else’s decision or were disappointed. I’m so fed up with this trend for going NC for things that people should communicate and move forward through. It’s basically saying I won’t speak to you if you don’t do as I expect. If a man did this to his wife we all know it’s a form of abuse!

No matter how annoying the saying - all this

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 03/01/2024 04:17

Relaxd · 03/01/2024 01:40

Going NC is extreme and quite controlling in this type of scenario where basically you were angry, didn’t like someone else’s decision or were disappointed. I’m so fed up with this trend for going NC for things that people should communicate and move forward through. It’s basically saying I won’t speak to you if you don’t do as I expect. If a man did this to his wife we all know it’s a form of abuse!

This!

PinkFlamingoDance · 03/01/2024 04:22

He should have told you, and you should say that to him.

Don't go NC though especially with you both losing your parents.

It's horrible being ill, get well soon

GreatGateauxsby · 03/01/2024 04:25

Everyone I know has been as sick as a dog over Christmas and it can tip you over the edge.

was it an idiotic and thoughtless thing to do? Yes

should you go NC? No… it’s a huge overreaction

MintJulia · 03/01/2024 04:29

It's flu, annoying and uncomfortable but it'll pass.

Not having a brother won't pass though. Going NC is daft.

Just let them know you wish they had told you first, and then let it go. I'm sure you'll feel differently when you are better. Get well soon.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 03/01/2024 04:33

Well of course they should have warned you - but to go NC is a massive overreaction.

SprogTakesAQuarry · 03/01/2024 04:36

Def NC. Anything else would be a huge under-reaction.

autienotnaughty · 03/01/2024 04:38

You don't know you caught it from them ? Or if it's the same bug? There's millions of viruses around particularly at this time of year.

If they had a stomach bug the week before that's irrelevant as it's been more than 48 hours.

I get it's annoying going to someone's house when they are ill and yes they should have told you so you could rearrange. I have family who have form for this and I tend to check before we meet now.

Does your husband have insurance to cover illness? When I was self employed I put away a percentage of my wage to cover holidays/illness.

oneflewoverthe · 03/01/2024 04:41

It's winter. Theres viruses everywhere ffs.

Elderflower14 · 03/01/2024 04:41

autienotnaughty · 03/01/2024 04:38

You don't know you caught it from them ? Or if it's the same bug? There's millions of viruses around particularly at this time of year.

If they had a stomach bug the week before that's irrelevant as it's been more than 48 hours.

I get it's annoying going to someone's house when they are ill and yes they should have told you so you could rearrange. I have family who have form for this and I tend to check before we meet now.

Does your husband have insurance to cover illness? When I was self employed I put away a percentage of my wage to cover holidays/illness.

100 percent this!!!

PinkFlamingoDance · 03/01/2024 04:43

So many people have been sick over Xmas (myself included), you only have to look at many of the threads on here

gerispringer · 03/01/2024 04:49

NYE was 3 days ago so it’s unlikely you developed flu in 2 days , it usually takes 5-7 days to develop. So no evidence it’s the same virus. Agree they should have told you but you could have picked up this bug from anywhere.

Sunflowergirl1 · 03/01/2024 04:54

sprigatito · 03/01/2024 01:36

I would be furious too OP, it's selfish shitty behaviour, and with a small baby it's dangerous.

Unfortunately I think a lot of people are still in "defiant small child" mode over the Covid restrictions and are aggressively asserting their right to infect other people with diseases, jeering at others who would prefer not to be made ill, insisting that "life can't stop for a cold" etc. It is frustrating, but you can't reason with stupid. I would just see less of your brother from now on.

For heavens sake. This sounds like,being back in the early days of Covid and shielding. Bog standard coughs and colds are not dangerous even to babies. The reality is the chances of avoiding it is slim anyway given that it is so rife currently...apparently a covid hangover. There are very few in my friendship and work circle that haven't had it yet.

coffeetime1 · 03/01/2024 05:16

gerispringer · 03/01/2024 04:49

NYE was 3 days ago so it’s unlikely you developed flu in 2 days , it usually takes 5-7 days to develop. So no evidence it’s the same virus. Agree they should have told you but you could have picked up this bug from anywhere.

This. Its more likely that you've picked it up from elsewhere. They should have told you, but going NC sounds extreme unless there's history that you haven't mentioned. I hope you're all feeling better soon (and I sympathise as I have caught this heavy cold going around, and my children have both been unwell since Christmas).

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 03/01/2024 05:43

ElevenSeven · 03/01/2024 04:05

It is everywhere at the minute though, you’ve no way to actually know if you got it from them.

NC is extreme.

Edited

Agreed. So many people I know, including myself, have had this recently.

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