How to live my best life?

[Unknown18]

2022, the only happiness I got from life was doing drugs most days, staying out all night and ruining any meaningful relationships I had with my family and old friends, ended up moving out from my parents at 17. 2023, stopped the drugs mostly, but life has felt flat. I don’t want to go back down that path, I still am close friends with those people and we have all mostly stopped, but now it feels like we just get together and mine or my friends flat, talk about nothing and then after everyone’s left I become overwhelmed with all my responsibilities, procrastinate everything until the last minute and the flat is complete chaos, shut down and just scroll TikTok or play on my ps4 :/ I know I need to eat healthier etc, I love cooking but terrible at budgeting enough money for food each month, love walks but never have the motivation to actually go, and get weirdly anxious before going, but I’m definitely going to work on forcing myself out a lot more. I spend most of my time with my boyfriend and I am so grateful to be able to spend so much time with him, but again it feels like we never go out and actually do stuff because of money, motivation etc. Time just seems like it’s running away from me even though I’m so young. I want to make the most of my life but I just don’t know how, I think drugs have ruined any chance of me getting any serotonin in daily life, so I just waste days on end wishing I could do better. How do you live your best life?

How old are you?

Essentially, you need to decide what you want your life to look like and make it happen.

My son is 25 in a few weeks.

Each year, he has a motto and focus for the year and everything he does, he does with that in mind.

The problem is that, when you look at the big picture and everything you want to do, it is overwhelming and difficult to focus. Choose one thing you want to change and work on that.

Do you work? What qualifications do you have? Could that be somewhere to start?

First of all don't think about your best life - it feels like pressure

You have one life- not a best or worst one - and every person makes a different way through their life depending on what life has dealt them - so nothing is wasted as it makes you you

Make one change at a time - it sounds like you want to get out walking more, eat better and budget better ?

Get yourself out the door each day - remind yourself that you can turn back inside after 2 minutes

Or write a cheap meal plan for a week - or a day- with veggies soups , bean curries , egg and chips and see if you can stick to it for one day the first week ?

Today I am making my phone display black and white to try and reduce the artificial stimulation it gives to help me connect better with real life

The advice I was given when I was your age was to focus equally on nine different aspects of life, and every day or at very least every week, do one thing to enhance each aspect of life. Treat them all as equally valuable even if they don't feel like they are. Yours could be: healthy living - eating well and going for walks, your relationship with your boyfriend, your home environment - that's three. The 'rule' I was given is that one of the nine has to be giving back to the community in some way - so working for a charity or community scheme. Maybe you could help at Frank or a similar anti-drugs charity or a charity against modern slavery as a lot of cannabis grown in UK uses slaves to grow it.

Give yourself small goals. Better to start small and build up. So go for a 10 minute walk rather than no walk at all, and increase the time of the walk by 5 minutes a day until you are going on a longer walk.

Same with your home - tidy up for 5 mins then stop. Next day tidy up for 6 mins then stop. Gradually you build up a tolerance for more focus. Always reward yourself even for achieving a tiny goal, even if it's just by patting yourself on the back or doing an air punch.

Create some really fun bucket lists - they don't all have to be massive or expensive - just enjoyable things you'd love to do, and do some each week. It's really important to have a lot of fun and try new things to replace the 'fun' you had getting wasted.

Set some challenging goals for yourself - working for a charity, paid work, education, mending the rift with family by offering to help them in some way that proves you are growing up. Or invite them for lunch and practise cooking a couple of nice recipes first so you feel confident.

Be kind to yourself if you have setbacks and blips. See the funny side of failure and get back on track with lots of self compassion.

Also, try some apps that block the internet for at least several hours a day when you'd usually be wasting time on TikTok. Use that time to get fit or learn a new skill.

You can also think about where you want your life to be in 5 years, then 3 years, then 1 year, 6 months, 3 months, 1 month, one week. You work backwards from 5 years to help yourself think about the impact of small actions you take now.

Wow @OwlWeiwei love this advice!

As the old saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step.

Step one - you've had a rotten few years and you have come out the other side, so step one could be to decide to be kinder to yourself and more forgiving.

Ok so it looks like 4 main areas you want to deal with?

1. Tidying Flat
2. Going out
3. Eating healthier
4. Walking

For tidying, put some music on and set a 20 minute timer. Go crazy and see how much you can get done. Do this for every room.

Going out - what are your interests? Do you like visiting other towns? Sports events? Art? Museums? Running? Hiking? Honestly, there's so much you could do that's free or cheap. Save money on food and you could afford something that costs every now and then.

Eating healthier - you can really save money on cooking healthy food at home. Plan your meals and then shop once a week, doing a top up shop when necessary. What do you like to eat? Look at healthy food prep clips on YouTube for inspiration. Find budget meals too.
Cleaning up your diet might even give you energy to deal with the other things.
Budget - work out how much you want to spend monthly on food, divide it by 4 and that's your budget for the week.

Walking - this is probably the easiest thing in your list. Set a time, put your trainers on and go. Get a walking app or a step counter on your phone and set yourself a goal.

Thank you everyone I’ll read through properly later

Wow, you turned your life around in such a short time! Many people spend years doing drugs or drinking.

now it feels like we just get together and mine or my friends flat, talk about nothing and then after everyone’s left I become overwhelmed with all my responsibilities, procrastinate everything until the last minute and the flat is complete chaos, shut down and just scroll TikTok or play on my ps4

How much time do you spend alone, doing what YOU want to do?

I think the answer lies in moving away from this lifestyle. Sitting around talking about nothing is boring without drink or drugs. Most people don't do this once adults, they get on with some form of 'life' and socialise in the gaps. Your life seems the other way round.

If you're only 18, what are you doing for work or study? That's the biggest consideration.

Work/study
A hobby or group outside the house
Learning something at home
Exercise
A bit of socialising.

Good luck and good work again getting off the drugs.

Just do it one day at a time. Pick one thing to do tomorrow and do it. And don’t let the boyfriend discourage you, do it any way.