Being approached and being asked if I’m ok

[Riseandshinee]

I have been trying to get 10k steps in a few times a week. I need to be close to home so I walk around the same places for about an hour with music on. I know this is unusual. I don’t drive so can’t go anywhere different. I’ve been approached numerous times and asked if I’m lost/ok when they see me pacing back and forth. and it’s really putting me off. I am extremely socially anxious/avoid people and I don’t know how to make them stop without changing where I go which I can’t do at the moment.

You say you can’t go anywhere else because you don’t drive, but can you not figure out a longer circuit or figure of 8 route so you’re always close to habitation but not walking a short stretch repeatedly?

Lots of people walk or run, but there must be something about the length of your route that’s marking you out. It needs to be long enough to avoid this. Also, I hope this doesn’t sound rude but are you inadvertently making faces that might be making them concerned, eg frowning because you’re thinking about work, moving your mouth because you’re singing along in your head to your music, looking really worried, etc?

I guess it comes from a good place.

I was with my newborn and at the time we lived on a small estate. I'd had a c section and didn't want to stray too far from home but I did like to get out to walk around slowly (as advised you should do). It was summer and the evenings were warm. I'd go out with the pram 3 or more times a day. Just walking, doing laps around this small new build type estate (you know the type - you pull off a main road, every house looks pretty much identical, it's mostly quiet not many cars passing etc), and the baby would fall asleep, and I'd enjoy just being outside but still within a sight of my house if I needed to turn back.

Then I got this letter through the door - all full of concern, hinting at PND, and asking if my baby was not sleeping and how it had been noticed that I was pacing around the estate several times a day and did I want help, and could the lady walk my baby for me and I was a bit like - whoa, what? Haha. But had to chalk it up to 'it came from a good place' and while things my end were fine maybe another new Mum would have appreciated it. When I bumped into her I just explained etc. She was genuinely trying to be nice, but as these things usually are - she was projecting her own horrendous experience of 2 no sleepers and wanting to pull her hair out - so she assumed I was in the same place.

Maybe that's the way to think about it - you're not lost but perhaps someone else might appreciate the help if they were.

P.s it did put me off a bit - wondering about twitchy curtains - so I started walking around the other estate close to our house, haha.

People are being kind. If you are pacing back and forth then they might be concerned you are in some kind of mental distress. It’s actually a nice thing. All you need to say I am fine thanks, just getting steps in. There doesn’t need to be any drama about it.

My children are 8 and 9. Old enough I can leave them in front of the tv with a drink and a snack unsupervised but not old enough to leave them properly. I run a 5k on my street several times a week. I’ve had a few odd glances but that’s all.

i think more obvious workout clothes might be your friend.

What are you wearing? Maybe wear exercise gear!

I understand you don't drive but why not walk further away from home in a loop, plan a route? Are you leaving young children at home?

Does your road have a WhatsApp group? You could post on it to explain what you are doing. You could make it an offer of help at the same time - something along the lines of "If anyone has a dog that needs exercising, I am keen to keep my steps up each day..." There probably won't be anyone whose dog schedule fits with you but it would allow you to explain what you are doing. If there is a dog that needs walking then you will have company and give observers an explanation for your exercising.

@Anonymousposter17 - I did this during covid. Left my kids in the house or garden and did hill sprints where I could still see the property. I’m sure some of my neighbours thought I was strange, but they also knew I was a single parent with two kids so probably worked it out!

OP, can you either extend your route a bit (for your own interest/ benefit too!) or do something to make it obvious you’re working out (random stretch on each street corner? 😂)

Otherwise, just accept that you have nice caring neighbours and understand it’s better that they check than that they don’t?

I'm aghast at the level of misogyny on this thread. Woman does totally normal thing and goes outside house for a walk but according to Mumsnet should be making it VERY OBVIOUS that she's exercising otherwise people will think she's gone mad. Wow.
OP just carry on doing what you're doing. The curtain twitchers can eff off.

I was thinking it could be seen as odd behaviour because we have had unfamiliar men repeatedly walking our area and money and other things subsequently going missing from cars. It could be seen as suspicious behaviour from either sex.

I disagree entirely. If it was a man they’d call the police not ask if he was okay.

I agree, a woman is more likely to be seen as needing help rather than being a potential criminal but this is not misogyny!

'Pacing back and forth' is not a 'totally normal thing' to do.

It's obviously not a totally normal thing given people have stopped the OP in real life to ask her if she is okay. I can't say I have ever seen anyone pacing up and down on any of the streets I have lived on. Going for a walk is very different to what the OP is doing.

Misogyny? As if.

I think OP you need to clarify what you are doing. Walking around the block 20 times is not particularly odd but might raise eyebrows if the same person spots you passing their gate every few minutes. Choosing a 50 foot stretch of pavement and walking up and down for an hour is odd. Whether you are a man, woman, young or old.

The OP is pacing repeatedly round the same small area for a considerable time which is not something anyone would usually do for exercise, and people are concerned for her welfare. The OP says she is very socially anxious, and this may appear to a stranger that she may be in some sort of distress. So they very kindly ask if she is all right.

@DuploTrain exactly.

If you cannot leave your home OP there are far better ways to exercise than doing 10K steps. Look for indoor HIIT exercises. Joe Wicks, Chloe Ting, these are all adapted for small spaces AND more importantly much, much more effective.

'10K steps' are for people who don't exercise. It's to motivate them to integrate movement into the their daily routine e.g. take the stairs, walk the dog etc. But you are actually exercising. Why are you wasting your time like this?

I work in IT and sometimes I'm on call where I need to be at my laptop within 15 minutes of getting a call.

I worked out a snaky running route around my house that means I'm never more than 10 minutes away and I just loop that until I've done the distance I wanted to do.

I did wonder on the fourth time of passing someone gardening what it looked like, but thankfully nobody got curious enough to ask.

Yes I'm thinking something about demeanour is making it look suspicious!! Think about outfit maybe? Wear sports gear so there's no confusion.
Are you pacing back and forth one st? It would make
Me think you were lost to be fair 😂

They probably think you're casing the joint and they're going to be burgled. You're probably making others very anxious with your strange behaviour so I don't think you can really complain about them approaching you.

I know it’s annoying but I think people are just trying to be kind. I also try to get 10k steps in as often as I can. I do some of it through walking the dog but if I’m short on steps there are some great “walking workouts” on YouTube which are basically walking on the spot to music with a few different exercises added in. That could be a way to get your steps without leaving the house if you don’t want to be seen walking around the same places. I’m not suggesting you should have to do this if you don’t want to, but it helps me.

What lovely, kind neighbours you have! Pacing back and forth is never normal behaviour so I can see why they asked.

What is completely normal though is that once you have explained the oddness is that they don't ask again. Maybe try that?

Yeah, I'm okay (so they might ask again) versus
yes thanks just getting my 10k steps in! (won't ask again)
See the difference?

This. Do circular routes and go down side roads to make the route longer. Could you not go half an hour in one direction and then back?

You don't have to go for a full-blown workout outfit but wearing something other than e.g. jeans will help to make it look like you're not just wandering and pacing

I would wear high visibility sports clothing, that will reassure people. Or get an indoor treadmill, although much healthier to exercise outdoors.

I used to get my steps in walking round my local area. Weekends would find me out at 5am. I realised I was probably suspicious looking and messaged the local Facebook neighbourhood group that if they saw a larger lady in a red hat stomping past I was just getting in my steps and they could give me a wave.
Ring doorbells have a lot to answer for.

I wonder if your anxiety and desire not to be talked to is making you noticeable in all the wrong ways, OP? If you're looking nervous and maybe a bit shifty, it's going to set people's warning bells off body-languagewise. If you really can't extend your exercise circuit (and you really will be better off and get more benefit if you change your route occasionally, build in more hills etc), then put on headphones, wear exercise kit and look confident (even if you don't feel it). I suspect you are doing the 'head down, don't look at me' thing that makes onlookers worried.