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I miss my aunt

19 replies

PremiumPony · 02/01/2024 06:07

One of my aunts, she's a nice lady. I like her. There were years when I was younger where she had a distance and the best part of 15 years went by and my family and hers never visit.
Then, She retired at some point.

Maybe about 2013 or 2014, my aunt came to our door step with her husband. To drop in for tea and a chat.

She kept regular visits since then. Maybe about once or twice a year. I liked her visits.

There's something not right any more. The last time she visited was about 18 months ago. She never called since. She's my mother's sister. She doesn't call my mother any more. My aunt stopped sending Christmas cards a few years ago due to the price of stamps in favour of a Christmas message.

Over the past few months my mother's birthday came and went and my mother got no message from her.
Christmas and New year came and went, nothing.

My mother is odd. I think she has the onset of dementia. She is just so odd. That sister triggers her for some reason. Not in front of her face but as soon as she's gone my mother usually breaks out in a rant - 'who does she think she is flaunting her size 8 dress'. My aunt is not a size 8 by the way and she's not flaunting anything.

I encouraged my mother over the past few months just to call her but my mother refused.

I do have her number and I did text her but I got a vague response from my aunt. It was short and one sided from her.

My mother keeps writing off my aunt blaming her coldness on her sons death that happened a few years ago but I think there's something more going on like maybe she is estranging herself from her sister (my mother). My mother hardly went to her nephews funeral and when she did turn up she treated it like a teenage disco getting lost with a few more and hiding at the back of the church in the toilets with a few more of her siblings.

I am missing my aunt and her visits. I kept meaning to visit her but she lives on the other side of the county and I don't drive. I have been meaning to take a Saturday sometime and take bus journeys but I never got a chance to do that.

OP posts:
AllEars112232 · 02/01/2024 06:27

Phone her rather than text!

Kwam31 · 02/01/2024 06:48

Surely if you're that concerned you can find the time for a visit or a phone call, why are you expecting all the work from her side?
Very odd.

caringcarer · 02/01/2024 07:44

I'd text her a message saying you know your Mum and her relationship is strained but you don't want that to affect your relationship with her. Tell her you really used to enjoy her visits and invite her to visit you again and ask if you could come on train to visit her once a year too. Tell her you love her.

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StrangeNew · 02/01/2024 07:48

@PremiumPony your post does not read naturally so it is difficult to discern your tone.

If this is a real problem and not a Chat GPT experiment then I can only assume you meant to write that she lives on the other side of the country rather than county?

Are you in the UK? Unless you’re in an area with extremely poor public transport, or you genuinely cannot afford to travel, the obvious solution would be for you take the bus or train, or ask a friend for a lift, and go to visit your aunt this weekend.

If you think she might welcome your visit then I’d phone first to let her know you’re coming. (Leave a voicemail if she doesn’t answer.)

If you think she might not want to see you, but you’re still concerned - then go without giving advance notice.

I hope you’ll find out what is going on.

PremiumPony · 02/01/2024 09:43

Travelling to her will take two long bus journeys and a long walk. I would need to get a good/dry day.

I think she has beef with my mother but she never said either. I think she's just gone quite and silent. I think maybe she would like to see my mother make an effort with her because the relationship has been all one sided mainly from my aunt. I am encouraging my mother to keep up contact to phone her or write her a letter or something but my mother is odd and she's refusing to and not only that my aunt, she's a lovely lady but for some reason my mother is triggered by her into ranting some ridiculous rants about her.

OP posts:
Kwam31 · 02/01/2024 10:51

Your Aunt used to regularly visit you, I think you could make the effort and reciprocate instead of whining.

StrangeNew · 02/01/2024 11:21

@PremiumPony you’re presumably an adult and can have an independent relationship with your aunt, regardless of your loyalty to your mother. This thread is about you, not your mother.

Are you very short of money? a long walk can generally be translated into a shorter taxi ride - is that completely impossible for you? And no trains, only buses where you are? I ask again, do you not have a single friend or acquaintance who might give you a lift / accompany you on this arduous journey?

You haven’t clarified whether you’re in the UK, so perhaps your travel options are different?

PremiumPony · 02/01/2024 11:43

StrangeNew · 02/01/2024 11:21

@PremiumPony you’re presumably an adult and can have an independent relationship with your aunt, regardless of your loyalty to your mother. This thread is about you, not your mother.

Are you very short of money? a long walk can generally be translated into a shorter taxi ride - is that completely impossible for you? And no trains, only buses where you are? I ask again, do you not have a single friend or acquaintance who might give you a lift / accompany you on this arduous journey?

You haven’t clarified whether you’re in the UK, so perhaps your travel options are different?

I thought about it for the past year but the logistics are hard. It would first involve a bus journey into the city for about 40 minutes from my home. That's not an issue. Then from the city it requires another bus journey to the village that she lives in and that's approx an hour long journey and then there's a long walk too.

I do have a friend that could help but it's all about organising all our time.

I will just have to wait til the next bank holiday I think and organising maybe a meetup for then a d hope the weather will be good.

I am in the UK. There is no direct public transport. Taxi will be too much.

OP posts:
Kwam31 · 02/01/2024 11:54

Honestly the excuses, 2 bus journeys and a walk, maybe your aunt would pick you up?
Why does it require a bank holiday? weekends?
What age are you? you sound hopeless

PremiumPony · 02/01/2024 12:08

Kwam31 · 02/01/2024 11:54

Honestly the excuses, 2 bus journeys and a walk, maybe your aunt would pick you up?
Why does it require a bank holiday? weekends?
What age are you? you sound hopeless

Not going to explain myself to anyone here who doesn't want to have any level of understanding over other peoples circumstances and then insult me by calling me hopeless. How dare you you.

OP posts:
StrangeNew · 02/01/2024 12:12

How did your aunt travel to meet you, @PremiumPony?

I too am curious about your situation. Are you not in good health yourself?

I’m not sure what you’re hoping for from this thread - beyond acknowledgement that yes, it would be a good deed to seek out your aunt as soon as possible. Even if that requires some unusual effort on your part.

(I am an aunt - a very involved one. I dread to think any of my closest niblings would just shrug their shoulders and stop bothering with me because of the remote possibility of rain …)

PamelaParis · 02/01/2024 12:15

I thought you were going to say she had died! Just go and visit her.

StBrides · 02/01/2024 12:24

Why can't you just call her?

usedtobeasizeten · 02/01/2024 12:46

Can you meet somewhere halfway?

Defender90 · 02/01/2024 13:48

Maybe if you can phone your aunt she would be able to meet you in the city for a coffee or lunch, less intense than a visit at her home and allowing an easier start to a new relationship with her?

StrangeNew · 03/01/2024 06:40

I think the thing is you didn’t quite adequately explain your own situation, @PremiumPony - so it’s been hard for posters to comprehend the exact difficulty.

But I hope you’ll find a way to see your aunt soon. And I hope she’s ok.

PenguinBall · 03/01/2024 07:15

Have you called her? Maybe she felt she was making an unreciprocated effort and decided to stop bothering. If I were you I'd call her and suss out if that is what the issue is. If so then you'll have to brave the journey.

Easypeasycheesy · 03/01/2024 07:19

Just call her.

StrangeNew · 11/01/2024 08:32

So, did you contact your aunt, @PremiumPony?

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