Broody, in my 30s, but not right time to TTC.... how do you survive the wait?

[thefullfatcokeplease]

I don't want to travel or have nights out, I just want a baby!

The functional part of me knows that it's not the right time in my relationship and I want to be married first. But I find at this time of year especially that I'm doing the adding up.... well if we get engaged by Xmas 2024 then we could be married by 2026 but then it's 2027 before I could even maybe have a baby.

if we get engaged by Xmas 2024 then we could be married by 2026 but then it's 2027

if you get engaged Christmas 2024 you could be married in January 2025?

Takes a couple.of weeks to sort out a marriage. just do it?

If you are both wanting and ready for a baby why do you need to be married?

Why can't you just get engaged now?

...I mean if you both know you want ro get married (to each other) you are effectively engaged anyway? So why the delays?

How far into your 30s are you? Why do you need to wait years to get married? If you really really want a baby… why risk waiting?

BTW if you are hoping to conceive a baby, remember you have to also want a teenager 😁

Because she said she wants to be. Nobody NEEDS to be.

Would have a small wedding and get baby making! 😁

Have you actually discussed marriage with your partner?

If yes, and you are both on the same page about getting married and having babies, what are you waiting for? Just have the conversation and book a wedding.

If you haven't had that conversation, why not?

You're already in your 30s, it's mad to be working on the basis that you might get engaged a year from now and then have an 18 month engagement and then maybe a baby the following year.

Your post reads as though you are just hoping that your partner will ask you to marry him this year and that you'll get married and be able to try for a baby while your ovaries still work.

Why are you playing such a passive role in your own life? Just tell him what you want and when, and if he isn't on board with it, tell him to sling his hook and find someone else who actually wants the same future you want.

We've only been together a year, it's far too early. I would want to live together for a while before marriage and babies.

I'm 31, nearly 32. I just wish we'd met when we were younger.

Well do you have plans to move in together?

My parents got married at a registry office 6 weeks after meeting, wedding photos in a Woolies photo booth and have been married 40 years. You really don't need a big posh wedding to commit to each other - in fact the debt and stress of it all came out huge pressure on couples

Does your partner feel the same or is this someone you have recently met and are looking at a timeline in your head? If you are on the same page and have been together 6 month + then crack on.
Don't mess about waiting in your 30's - I conceived DS at 29 but then we never managed to conceive much wanted siblings.
I also have friends who have conceived at 43-but don't gamble if you have a choice.

Yes we're going to start looking at flats together soon. I might be broody and yeah we could elope tomorrow but I'd like to build a relationship first.

If the clock is ticking and you know you want children are you able to go it alone or make it explicitly clear to him that is what you want and if he doesn't agree that children are in his near future go your separate ways?

Have you checked he also wants children soon? It’d be a real shame to wait and find out he’s both bothered

You’re very early 30s. You have plenty of time. You need to get to know each other a lot better first. Also yes to the PP who mentioned teenagers. Are you sure he is someone who will support you to raise a child to adulthood? How is he when you are going through something difficult?

My brain is telling me all this- we're still very much in the honeymoon phase and need to get to really know each other much more. He wants kids and I think he'd be great.

My heart though... I might explode if I see another cute child in a Christmas outfit.

That's reasonable enough, but I think after a year together it's definitely not too soon to have a serious conversation about where you see the relationship going.

If he says he's not up for getting married, or doesn't want children, or doesn't want children for at least 5-10 years, would you still want to move in with him or would you cut your losses and get back out there with someone who is more on your wavelength?

It's OK to be clear about what you want and when.

My BIL was a serial shagger until he met his now wife. They got engaged after about a year together, married about 8 months after that, and had a baby almost immediately. I have no doubt that she said to him, quite early on, "This is what I want, are you on the same page as me or not?"

If you want this it’s fine but get serious unless you are independently wealthy get married before you have ANY kids

Imo you should wait at least 2.5 years to marry and cohabit for 12m+ so you go in eye wide open.

My advice is:

• Move in this year if you haven’t already
• Cohabit for at least a year
• Wedding is a means to an end with a party. You can easily marry autumn 24 /summer 25 if you aren’t precious about venues.

Lovely that he wants kids. My 2 year old dd wants another dog she has no idea what that actually entails…

you need to get down to brass taxes and talk. About EVERYTHING before you get engaged or married.
So many women are not on the same page and then are surprised when they get shafted don't be one of them.

Wedding
big weddings steal house deposits.
our wedding options were between a 3k and 65k budget! We went for £15k and had the funds to remodel our entire downstairs #noregrets

mat leave
how will it be financed?
does he support full year off?
does he want shared parental leave? (It’s good and well in theory but in reality 6-12m is the best bit of mat leave imo)
how will nights work?
who will take time off with sick kids?
will you go part time?
if you go part time how will finances work?
what about your pension?

kids
When? Do he want them in 2 years or 10?
how many?
does he care if it’s a boy or girl?
Your/his views on disability
Your / his views on abortion
what if you (plural) need fertility treatment? Would you and how much would you spend?
what if you can’t have kids?
views on adoption?
parenting styles
schooling
discipline

housing
does he want to end up in the Cotswolds or is he London til you die?

values and attitude to money
what important? Career, family - no matter what?
What is a priority to spend on house, holidays, cars, kids hobbies, your hobbies?

I’d also get to know the future in laws well