What can I do this instant that will make me feel better?

[ImTiredBoss]

I'm already working on the long term goals like eating healthier and trying to be more assertive.

But I have terrible depression and anxiety and my heart is hammering at the thought of returning to work tomorrow. I need to get a new job ultimately but I obviously can't do that tonight.

Can you share your instant pick-me-up ideas with me please? I had a lovely long bubble bath last night and it made me feel slightly better. Anything else worth trying?

Download the Daylight App, good for techniques to combat anxiety and depression.

Meditation

Do you have nice candles you can light?

A new book you can start? You can download them to your phone if you don’t have a new one to hand

Put your coat on and go for a 10 min power walk outside.

failing that shut yourself in a room with no DCs and do a 10 min easy workout from YouTube.

Do you like writing? You could try writing a compassionate letter to your difficult emotions. Like..’dear anxiety, I know you have had really hard times before. You’ve worked so hard and other people have still been shit to you. I know you are just trying to protect me by thinking over and over about what might go wrong. You’re on my team. But what you’re doing isn’t helping. Things aren’t as dangerous as you think. Here’s why….’

That’s a bit prescriptive but maybe you get the idea?! I’m sorry you’re feeling anxious, it’s horrible. Another technique for anxiety is to think of your worst fear about the situation, and accept that it could actually happen. Sometimes relief comes from that in a strange way.

I was going to suggest a nice bath. Have u ever listened to Shag Married Annoyed I came across it from.a recommdation on here. I love it. Helped me the other weekend when I was feeling very lonely. Have u got some pick me up music you could listen to?

Literally, right now, breathe in deeply to the count of four and out to the count of four. Extend it to 5 if you can. Then keep in breaths to count of four or five and let out breaths be as long and slow as you can gently make them. This calms the nervous system. While you do this breathing say in your mind: 'Right here, right now, I am fine. All I need to do is breathe. Nothing else. All is well right in this minute. I am breathing.'

This reassures you that you don't have to do anything to justify your existence. All you need to do is breathe. Gradually you can train yourself to believe this in a Zen-like way. All we actually need to do to be alive in this world in a given moment is to breathe. Everything else is choice. Basic food, water, shelter, companionship etc matter too of course but in any given moment, breath is all we need.

Longer term, journalling is good. Write down an anxiety that plays on your mind, and then write down as many other ways to think about it as you can.Imagine how a super confident person would think about it, or a relaxed person, or a problem solver or a Pollyanna type. Look at the benefits and drawbacks of being anxious about this thing and decide what the most powerful and effective way to think about it would be. Even if you don't actually think that way right now, write down a statement as if you did.

Eg. Suppose you dread going into work and it makes you sick and terrified. You might end up saying: 'Work is just part of my life. I choose to work to pay my bills. Work provides me with that stability so for now, I choose to go in. Even if I got the sack, I'd find another job, People do, every day. So I don't need to worry about how my performance is rated. I don't need to like the work or my boss and I don't need to stay forever. I can and will look for more suitable work but for now, it doesn't kill me. I stand up for myself against bullies, I keep out of office politics, I do what I can as well as I can every day and I take pride in that. It's just a job. In thousands of years' time, the world won't turn on a different axis just because of how I do my job. It is not that important in the grand scheme of things, so I won't let it rule my thoughts. Right now I choose to think of something else anyway. I enjoyed that new TV series/bookI was reading/music on Spotify. I will think about that instead.'

Write yourself a message from your future self, on 1 January 2025, telling you about the positive things you achieved in 2024. You can then display the letter, e.g. put it on the fridge, as motivation for the year ahead.

Go for a walk, then come back and warm up with soup/ hot chocolate/ mulled wine.
light candles. Light the fire. Put music on.
Read a book.
Watch something light hearted (Chicken run: dawn of the nugget is surprisingly funny and watchable)
Stroke a pet if you have one, or snuggle a child.
Another bubble bath.
Put fresh sheets on the bed.

Read the tantric sex thread, it will make you smile 🤣

A nice bath with some music

followed by lovely cup or tea and a bit of gentle yoga/stretching

Breathe deeply

accept your feelings don’t try to distract from them

I know this sounds blindingly obvious, but I only realised a couple of years ago that if something upsets me, I don't actually have to think about it. There is no law of the universe that says I do, so when I find my mind mulling over negative thoughts (whether that is about the past, present or future) I make an active choice to stop and think about something else.

Every time I go to bed, I think about 5 things I am grateful for, and that is all I allow myself to think about. At first I had to make myself do it, but now it is a habit.

TV or a book might help you block negative thoughts, or some kind of hobby or domestic task you enjoy (I like cooking/baking - when I feel really low I make something easy I could make in my sleep, like bread or scones or a lemon drizzle.....). Or even scrolling on line or a bit of online shopping can be a good distraction ......

Thinking about your work tomorrow won't help. You have to go to work (for now, not forever) but you just have to get through it - it doesn't really matter how it goes. So try to think about other things if you can.

Work out (sorry!)

Calm or Headspace apps are good.

Read a good book.

Watch a trashy film or a classic. I watched the original animated ‘ 101 Dalmatian’ film recently (I’m a grown adult, honest) with no kids about, and absolutely loved it.

I think that return to work dread is fairly common.

Whilst you work on your longer term goals, I would suggest;

1. make an appt with your doctor to get medication for your anxiety and depression if you haven't already. It can be a short-term crutch to help while you make changes.

2. remember that ALL things pass. Your feeling of work anxiety will be lessoned tomorrow. Today becomes yesterday.

3. if you can afford to, invest in yourself. The best way to make meaningful changes to how you feel is to actually change things that get you down. Relationships, housing, jobs, lifestyle, finances, knowledge. All of these things are changeable if they're getting you down.

All the best, hoping this year brings you some peace and contentment.

Change the bedding, tidy the bedroom, set out all your clothes for tomorrow, (but out of sight). light some candles and relax.

Meditation or a YouTube workout video but like gentle stretching rather than a gym workout.

Perfume works for me, I use my favourite expensive perfume just because I want to.

Hope you feel better and find a better job soon.

If your heart is hammering then it sounds like you've gone into fight or flight mode and some exercise should help disperse some of that Adrenaline and make you feel better. If you can't face going outside find a nice easy you tube routine or dance video. Do that then plan for a nice bath and get organised for the morning.

I'm really, really dreading return to work tomorrow and feel similar anxiety. Wish I could change jobs but the time isn't right and I'm quite overpaid for what I do, can't afford a pay cut. My boss is taking tomorrow as an extra day and I could do too (using annual leave) but don't want to waste the leave as will need it later in the year. Sigh. At least tomorrow's standing staff meeting is canceled.

So today I have thrown myself into organizing and prepping. I wfh so have made sure my desk area is ready, clothing set aside. Am organizing toiletries, the kitchen, other areas to avoid any stumbling blocks. Yesterday before friends came over I took everything out of the fridge, steam cleaned the interior and selectively returned items, tossing old/expired stuff.

All of these little accomplishments, including binning a lot of tat, have made me feel a bit better.

Also spent some time outdoors looking around the garden, thinking about spring and filling bird feeders. The fresh air helps.

Later will take a nice long shower and use perfume, body lotion, etc. and do my nails; no time to let coloured varnish dry but will have a protective clear coat on fingertips and toenails. Planning a fire, a couple of drinks, leftovers from last night's cheeseboard/olives/pickles/crisps + a nice crisp salad for dinner. Lots of candles and one last Christmas film before bedtime.

At least it's a short week.

Brilliant post @OwlWeiwei especially your rationale around work. I'm not looking forward to going back tomorrow even though I mostly like my job, and it's helped to remind me that it's not the be all and end all, just a job and I only need do what's required. Thank you

I agree.

Exercise, especially outside will always make you feel better.

Then a hot bubble bath and painting your nails is always good.

This sounds like absolute heaven to me ❤️